Trouble with Step-Son
This is the 2nd time I have wrote on the forum, I still have issues with my Step-Son. I love my husband with my whole heart but he lets his son do whatever he wants. he makes bad grades in school, lies to us all the time. Over spends his checking account and I have to always make sure he doesn't bounce money in account. When I try to tell my husband about something his son is doing wrong he doesn't want to hear it. When I tell him about his grades, it's as if he don't care. When I call him on a lie my husband does nothing.
In the past when his son lived with his Mother my husband would always bend over backwards and let his children get away with everything because he didn't want them to not want to come over on the weekends. But now that his son lives with us I feel all the niceness needs to go away and its time to be a parent and put your foot down, but he wont listen to me. Son is 16 years old and he allows him to cuss. My son is 27 yrs old and has never said a cuss word in front of me out of respect and that's the way I was raise and I raise him that way.
His son isn't a very good driver and has already wrecked his 1st truck due to showing off at school and now he wants to drive his dad/my husband brand new truck to his 11th grade prom and my husband is going to let him. I told him he was stupid for letting him and when I told him that, he about went off the deep end. He's pissed at me for telling him he shouldn't let his son drive his truck to prom. I told him go ahead let him drive it and wreck it. He says its his son and none of my business. Well it is my business because the truck is ours not just his.
When it comes to his son I get no say so because it is his previous joy. It's like I'm the 3rd wheel in the family, I'm just here to cook, clean and pick up after the both of them.
What do you suggest I do? Please give me your thoughts??
Are your finances separated?
Are your finances separated?
yes they are
yes they are
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It's entirely possible that
It's entirely possible that your DH will never change or step up as a parent, but by involving yourself and nagging you are only giving him a convenient target and obscuring the real issue.
I wasted years trying to get my DH to engage, to parent, to step up and deal with his bratty kids. Only when I disengaged from the situation did he get to fully experience their toxicity. When I stepped aside and stopped participating/fixing/facilitating, he gained clarity.
When you dealt with the overdrawn checking account, you only allowed your DH to avoid parenting. When you nag about the wrecked truck, he can be mad at you instead of his kid. Instead of trying to force a change in a dynamic that has been in place for many years, try accepting that your man is a crappy, guilty dad. Take steps to separate finances and protect yourself from his poor decisions. As I said, your DH may never change but he needs to fully experience the pain and consequences of his nonparenting in order to even have a shot at shaping up.
I've decided to bit my tongue
I've decided to bit my tongue and not say a word. I told him it's his child, his problem.
When he gets older I will rub it in his face - I told you so!!!
He thought his daughter was such a good child and she grew up moved out and now smokes pot and lives with a loser boyfriend that doesn't work and smokes pot all day while she's working and paying bills. It's sad deal.
I have a son of my own and he grew up to be a responsible husband & father. Works every day and has never done drugs. It's all in how you raise them. I raised him to respect and learn values of life.
My husbands children have been given everything to them and do no wrong. Someday maybe he'll realize I was right.
His son disrespects me and talks back to me and calls me bad names to his friends at school. later in life if he comes to me wanting something I'll remind him of those things.
"It's all in how you raise
"It's all in how you raise them. I raised him to respect and learn values of life."
That's good in theory but sometimes people do all the right things and still end up with a mess. There are also horrid parents that end up with the kids turning out to be great. Nature/Nurture sometimes you can have 2 kids grow up in the same house with the same parents, values etc. and one is a success and one is a loser.
The odds are better with good parenting though.
there's always that 1 child
there's always that 1 child in every family that has to screw up. My sister has been in and out of prison several times and has been of drugs since she was 15 yrs old, now 50. My parents did raise us right but it wasn't enough for her.
PREACH!! Exactly what I had
PREACH!!
Exactly what I had to do.
I told my husband when his
I told my husband when his son goes in the negative he'll have to pay NSF fee's and he said so.
I'm just going to let what happens happen and maybe he will wake up.
I feel like we have extremely
I feel like we have extremely similar situations !!! My step son is 16. He gets away with sooooo much and I know it's because his dad carries guilt that he was raised untraditionally. (He was a single father worked 50 hours a week and would buy him video games and movies to keep him occupied). Now the "kid" is 16 and gets bad grades, doesn't take care of his hygiene, or take any ownership and responsibility. He didn't study for the drivers permit test and just thought he'd pass. I told his dad you better. It take him there and spend 2 hours sitting there waiting only so he can flunk ! And what do you know, they sat there and he flunked.
What really made me feel for you is how you say your husband never wants to hear it or talk about it. Same with MINE!! I point things out that are not "nagging" they are legitimate concerns and he wants to just ignore it. I'm like I CANT IGNORE THIS! He lives in my house!!