Had to Parent my Mother....
We all survived our spring break week on vacation to visit family and do some wedding related shopping! The SDs were very good, very little angst wasted there - they figured out what to eat on their own (SD10 needed help because she's discovering new foods which was a good thing). DP paid me back nicely for helping out with SDs due to his unplanned jaunt.
Best trip we've had together.
But my mother! Holy moly.
At our family get together one night, my mother and SD12 were sitting across from me, on either side of my poor niece (also 12). SD12 has a phobia of dogs, she's getting better but still avoids them when possible. My mother owns 4 dogs and breeds them (don't get me started because it's an issue). I become aware of raised voices during a discussion of how SD12 does/doesn't react to dogs, even puppies.
SD12: I HATE dogs (12 year old hyperbole in answer to does she even like puppies?)!
Mother: You can't say that!
SD12: Yes, I can, I hate dogs!
Mother: No, you don't know them.
SD12: I just hate dogs!
Mother: (getting PO'd now) Don't say that!
and so on...niece looking petrified
Me: (waving my arms in the air to get their attention) Both of you Stop It! Now! Change the subject. I don't want to hear any more about dogs tonight.
...silence...
Me: Thank you. Mom, you know we got very cute dresses for SD12 and niece today for the wedding, and shoes for them.
Niece: Yeah, (looking pleased)
Mom: (No answer, just silence and glaring)
SD12: (looks perplexed, not sure what happened)
My mother got sucked into the teenage crazies. DP and I had a little discussion with SD12 about what do do in a situation like that, i.e. do NOT keep the conversation/argument going. Just keep mouth SHUT. I felt bad for her because mother is an ADULT and should know better. And I'll stick up for SD12 any day over her.
So two days later at my sister's house.
My sister has a dog.
SD12 has been super, super good with her. No need for a squirt bottle, no running, she learned how to tell the dog "off" and "go."
As my parents were getting ready to leave, dog jumps on couch right next to SD12.
SD12 says, kind of panicked: What is she doing!?
Mom: She's just trying to say "hi"
SD12: But I don't want her here! I don't like dogs!
Mom: But she's just trying to say hi, it's not bad...
SD12: (now back to hyperbole) I hate dogs!
Mom: You don't know dogs (which vehemence).
ME: The two of you knock it off! You don't like dogs (point to SD12). You like dogs (point to mom). That's it. Nothing more. You can't explain it to her (to mom).
Mom: But she...blah blah (basically, she said "She started it!")...asked about what she was doing (the dog jumping up)...
ME: I don't care. No more dog arguments. Move on!
Then mom leaves in a huff not saying goodbye.
Later, niece told me I was awesome.
And the next day, apparently starts in on it AGAIN with my niece (she picked up my niece for something) who stuck up for SD12 - good for her. You don't discuss adult issues with 12 year olds!
And my sister and I, with my niece, gave SD12 some tips on how to deal with it again.
It was obvious my mom did NOT like SD12 at all, esp. due to the dog issue. It was pretty dang bad - because SD12 was being really good overall. My mom just got into her b!tch mode...Yeah, well, I can beat her at it.
tHIS IS my mother. She has
tHIS IS my mother. She has over 20 yorkies right now. Breeding them. her house reeks of dog pee. Reeks. They poop everywhere cause she doesn't want them outside so they pee on pee pads and they climb all over you and the noise is terrible. All of her money goes to yorkies. All she does all day long is dress them up in clothes and do their hair and take pictures of them with photo props and knits them dog beds. She has turned into Aunt Marge from the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Did I mention she also has 11 African Grey parrots? She was first on a parrot hoarding phase. For years. Now its the yorkie phase but she's only given away two of the parrots.
OMG. Yes. My mom raised/bred
OMG. Yes.
My mom raised/bred horses when I was a kid, through to recently, along with mini schauzers for a while. She had more than 15 horses at one point. Basically the horse schedule ruled our lives growing up.
Now she has 4 standards (50-80 lb dogs), mostly untrained but for the show ring. One bites. Like you mom she does her stuff IN THE HOUSE. It reeks as you said. I don't even go to their house to visit when I am in town any longer. It's not a large house. And she is likely a borderline hoarder...every single closet and drawer is full of "stuff."
I thought she was going to have 5 of the dogs, but something fell through. I think. I can't even, and don't want to, keep track. :O
My mom did horses too. About
My mom did horses too. About 15 years ago. She had like 10. Maybe more.
I have 98 horses. But I
I have 98 horses. But I don't breed. And I'm not a hoarder.
I have learned, though way
I have learned, though way too slowly, that my memory and my mother's memory of many things is very, very, different. Until not all that long ago I would be insistent that my memory was better because... in all actuality... it is. I finally learned that those are battles not worth fighting much less winning.
So, I for the most part just state my stance and let it stand without arguing the merrits of my position.
I need to learn to do the same with my bride.
Oh heck no we weren't staying
Oh heck no we weren't staying there.
I haven't ever stayed with my parents for years (the last straw was when one of her dogs ate one of my good, expensive shoes and my mother was actually angry at ME for it and my dad was PO'd that I made him pay for the shoes to be replaced!). I did stay ONE time in their casita/guest house. That was when her dog bit me (and again the excuses for her dog with no apology to me).
We were at my sister's house (a good place). SD12 is aware of my sister's dog and can deal with her, it's a sweet thing, and small.
The incidents with mom were at a restaurant and at my sister's house.