Do any of you have manipulative adult skids who STILL play parents/stop-parents off each other?
So one thing I've noticed on these 'bridal shower conference calls' which OSD and BM are both on, is that my OSD is still shamelessly trying to play BM and I off each other
On one call she said to BM how the new baby is such a chunk right now, she says "I know you haven't seen the baby in a while Mom but he's such a chunk, don't you think so Disillusioned?"
I was caught off guard by that but said yes, he was
OSD then says to BM that DH & I were just there (this was a couple weeks ago) and that the baby was soooooo good with us etc...
Neither BM or I commented
And on another call OSD asks me if I've "tasted-tested" the pastries yet for the shower, then says, "why don't you take Dad with you Disillusioned? You and Dad can have a date night!"
Again, not much of a response from me or BM
On other calls OSD will carry on with BM like I don't exist, and they would rudely talk on with no attempt to even acknowledge I was on the call let alone included in the discussion
Seems like something children, especially teenagers, might do but still doing this as adults in their 30's??
From the very beginning I saw this manipulative behaviour in OSD. Playing parent off parent, parent off step-parent, and even attempting step-parent off step-parent! That one really didn't get too far because both of her step-parents have united against her LOL, and both OSD's SF and I have discussed with each other that she is a real piece of work!
You would think by the age of 34 this behavior would get old, especially as for the most part she has never really gotten a reaction from it from any of us, but no, she is still trying her dandiest to create drama!
Was she an adolescent when BM
Was she an adolescent when BM and DH divorced? If that's the case it sounds like she is in a time warp, playing 'Parent Trap' with real people. Can not understand why you are part of the bridal shower conference calls. Is it possible to remove yourself from any bridal shower planning and just take on a 'guest' role? Her suggestion that you and DH test the pastries and have a date night is out of line, and sounds like she is trying to get to BM. If this was me, I'd disengage from her until she can stop the games.
I was thinking the same thing
I was thinking the same thing with the kids being an adolescent at the time of the divorce.
OP - I don't think skids who don't even remember their parents ever being together have this issue. What you have there are some unresolved issues with your skids that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the parents divorce.
I thought the same thing
I thought the same thing about the conference calls...I don't know that I could handle that. Sounds like perhaps she either is manipulative for a good reason or a bad one?...I mean, does she maybe deep down want to be at the center of a big happy family, and this is her misguided way of trying to pretend it is that way? Or just liking whatever drama she can create and getting a little "kick" out of it? I sure would be uncomfortable with it either way...
I'm really hoping this shower
I'm really hoping this shower and wedding are very soon. I just don't see the focus BM and OSD are getting off of all this as being healthy for you.
I understand that due to 'family' events (new grandbaby, upcoming wedding affairs and a couple birthdays) that there's been a cluster of reasons for lots of interactions. I get that. There's been way too much, uh, togetherness and it's all front and center. However, when this last Shindig is over, you all definitely need a long break and changes need to be made to several areas of concern (example, the multiple events in one day, joint celebrations except perhaps grandkids birthdays if at OSD's home, co-hosting with SIL, BM, the girls and you).
OSD has some issues. Nobody here is going to disagree with that. Perhaps some individual therapy could help her out with sorting them all... it won't happen though as she doesn't recognize they (her issues) exist. And as long as she has back-up via Aunt who only serves to reinforce her actions/behavior I don't see any of the needed changes coming from that front.
The OSD seems to be emotionally trapped back to when Mom and Dad exploded with Dad's cheating and destruction of her childhood home. She seems to be both punishing her parents and at the same time trying to recapture what she sees as they've stolen from her. And then there's the meddling aunt who seems bent on keeping her niece stuck there.
I wouldn't interact with BM
I wouldn't interact with BM at any time. If you have to be around BM, make it short and sweet. I hate being around SD, SGD, and BM. They love these games, such as you describe. I make myself scarce quickly and find pleasant company, out of their sight.
If SD sets up conference calls; back out with a doorbell, whatever it takes. Don't allow SD to put you in this position, maybe she will stop the games. If she continues, make yourself unavailable. In the future, this will get worse.
My SD doesn't take a hint, so it is total disengagement now. I stay completely away from it all; sad they can't be adults about it all. In my case, it is their problem.
Yes the girl skids would do
Yes the girl skids would do this and would continue to do this if they were a part of my life.
She was 9 or 10 when DH & BM
She was 9 or 10 when DH & BM divorced, and by the time DH & I started dating she was 15/16 years old. She has always been this way, just strikes me as ridiculous that this behavior continues now, when she's in her mid-thirties!
For a while there
For a while there pixiegardener I tried to believe the same thing...that maybe all this stuff - including constantly 'surprising' DH & I by inviting BM to family events she has no business being at - that maybe just maybe OSD was just trying to include everyone and as you say, be at the centre of a big happy "family"
But, based on her disgusting treatment of me on the last call, especially when she knew I was/am grieving the death of my brother, I know that no, she is just being manipulative and evil, getting off an trying to pit BM and I against each other
I'll never understand why
I'll never understand why SD's do this. Don't they have a life? It's all so simple to have a civil relationship; you don't have to like someone to be civil.
Where do they learn the manipulation? My SD loves the manipulation and drama?????
WEll, that just sucks then.
WEll, that just sucks then. boo hiss. Why can't people just behave???
Wow twoviewpoints, I read and
Wow twoviewpoints, I read and then re-read your last paragraph. Yes really, seriously, I think you've just summed up a lot!! That was very accurate
I stopped posting in 2012 on
I stopped posting in 2012 on here, my bad. Sorry to tell you it doesn't end
I have 3 step kids and all but one are rude, evil and disrespectful to me and my bd. Husband lets them get away with it and tells them things they want to hear and tells me what he thinks I want to hear. Have confronted him many times to no avail. It's a nightmare really. Then when you think things are better.....the knife just gets twisted in deeper.