I am NOT comparing children to pets. But if one has a dog they are willing to do all sort of unpleasant stuff like pick up dog poop. Other people's pets - not the same at all.

As much as I couldn't stand SD when she was a teenager, that didn't change at all my desire to have my own children.

My children are very young and I feel like a servant to them because they can't do much for themselves at their ages. SD is 24 and I couldn't stand it how she'd leave her coffee cup on side tables all day for someone else to pick up after her. Completely different.

I had a stepson before I had children...the feeling is different, but I can also say that having my own children has made my SS important to me in a different light...I now see him as the sibling of MY children, not as the child of my DH and the horrible BM...so even if I am not his mother, my kids and him are related, and that makes it different... I can't explain it well...we've always had a decent relationship though..but having your own kids, if that's what you want, is the most unconditional love ever...to me anyway...

Oh your own child is a whole world of difference. I can't imagine feeling the way I do about anyone but my little. And I had skids first. So glad i had my own.

I'm a little too old too old for my husband and I to have children anymore..and thus..I have dogs. They don't talk back and we don't have to put them through college..lol!!

On a more serious note, when I married my husband, his kids were younger and much more adaptable. Now that they've gotten older (and have moved with BM 4 hours away) I rarely see them.

Grandma lives in town and although we all get along and I get invited to SOME things (which is very nice), I'm not really a part of that part of the family, so invited/not invited isn't really an issue with me.

However, it does tend to be an issue when the skids are here and Grandma won't let them out of her sight. I wanted to take them to the new Star Wars movie Christmas Day and they both wanted to go, yet asking Grandma was sort of out of the question. I understand as she doesn't get to see them that often so when she does, whether they sit around in the pajamas all day watching tv; it's the point that they're there.

When their dad comes home, it's a different story though..and I understand that also as he works for the railroad, living in an apartment 8 hours from me and even further from them. We rarely get quality time, but I again, understand as his kids should come first.

I get all that and have no issues with it. With 25 years in at the railroad, benefits will be great when he retires.

There are times though, when the skids are here that I wish I'd have some say, but I don't. At one time I developed a relationship with both of them and still love them like my own, yet when I see them maybe twice a year..I've learned to fade off into the background.

My hubby is due to come home for a few days the end of the month and doesn't plan to tell the kids he's coming. I disagree. Small as the time was that I spent with the skids and raising them, I always told them that we were to always be honest with each other. No lies, not even fibs, so my hubby coming home and close to 4 hours from his two children..somewhere along the line it's going to come out and I'm going to get the blame for it.

However, if he tells them he's going to be home for a few days, I absolutely KNOW that they're going to want to see him. Who can blame them after not seeing their dad for months on end.

His feeling is that he wants to spend some quality time with me though..the four days that he's here; and I get that, yet I can't go back on my word when I promised both skids from the beginning that we'd never have any secrets from each other, etc.

He told me that he just won't tell them, yet somewhere along the line it's going to come out..and I'm going to be the one the blame for it.

It's not like I'm afraid of being the "speedbump" when all the crap rolls downhill, it's about honesty.

I know I'd be upset if he came home and spent time with his kids and he didn't tell me and vis versa.

Sooo. He's coming home Friday morning. If the kids know he's going to be here..they'll be here Friday night...THAT I know for sure.

My hubby says he'll just tell them that he won't be here that long and we have some business things to take care of (which we do..); but they'll still be here Friday night regardless.

I told him that there's really no way around this until he's home more often. He SHOULD spend time with his children and me, his wife; yet I'm not the mother of his children so that's where the issue comes in.

Again, I don't want him to lie since it'll eventually come out, so I'm encouraging him to spend at least a day with his kids.

His thoughts are this though, "As soon as they know I'm here, the tires are going to hit the pavement whether I'm here 4 days or 40 and if I tell them that I want to spend time with you, it's not going to matter and the craps going to come down on you."

Of course it is. Why would I expect any different from stepkids that love their dad and rarely get to see him. I'd be more concerned if they didn't want to see him at all.

I really wish they wrote a book for stepmom with skids that lived 4 hours away; in addition to a hubby that has to live out of state in order to make a living.

After my hubby and I talked about this tonight, of course he wasn't in agreement with me..we had six months together after we were married and before he got relocated out of state with the railroad. We've had a week or two together completely by ourselves since then for a total of maybe a year.

I just know how I'D feel if it were MY dad and I rarely got to see him. Kids are kids for only so long and after they grow up enough to have jobs and families..Dad is Dad, but they just don't seem to be able to find the time anymore.

Sort of like the song: "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon..I'm gonna be like you Dad, ya know I wanna be like you..I've long since retired and the kids moved away, called him up just the other day, said I'd like to see you if you don't mind; he said I'd love to Dad if I could find the time..my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu but it was sure nice talking to you Dad..and as I hung up the phone it occurred to me, he'd grow up just like me..my child was just like me.

I'd rather take a backseat to his kids rather than my husband feel that way later in life

I'm a little too old too old for my husband and I to have children anymore..and thus..I have dogs. They don't talk back and we don't have to put them through college..lol!!

On a more serious note, when I married my husband, his kids were younger and much more adaptable. Now that they've gotten older (and have moved with BM 4 hours away) I rarely see them.

Grandma lives in town and although we all get along and I get invited to SOME things (which is very nice), I'm not really a part of that part of the family, so invited/not invited isn't really an issue with me.

However, it does tend to be an issue when the skids are here and Grandma won't let them out of her sight. I wanted to take them to the new Star Wars movie Christmas Day and they both wanted to go, yet asking Grandma was sort of out of the question. I understand as she doesn't get to see them that often so when she does, whether they sit around in the pajamas all day watching tv; it's the point that they're there.

When their dad comes home, it's a different story though..and I understand that also as he works for the railroad, living in an apartment 8 hours from me and even further from them. We rarely get quality time, but I again, understand as his kids should come first.

I get all that and have no issues with it. With 25 years in at the railroad, benefits will be great when he retires.

There are times though, when the skids are here that I wish I'd have some say, but I don't. At one time I developed a relationship with both of them and still love them like my own, yet when I see them maybe twice a year..I've learned to fade off into the background.

My hubby is due to come home for a few days the end of the month and doesn't plan to tell the kids he's coming. I disagree. Small as the time was that I spent with the skids and raising them, I always told them that we were to always be honest with each other. No lies, not even fibs, so my hubby coming home and close to 4 hours from his two children..somewhere along the line it's going to come out and I'm going to get the blame for it.

However, if he tells them he's going to be home for a few days, I absolutely KNOW that they're going to want to see him. Who can blame them after not seeing their dad for months on end.

His feeling is that he wants to spend some quality time with me though..the four days that he's here; and I get that, yet I can't go back on my word when I promised both skids from the beginning that we'd never have any secrets from each other, etc.

He told me that he just won't tell them, yet somewhere along the line it's going to come out..and I'm going to be the one the blame for it.

It's not like I'm afraid of being the "speedbump" when all the crap rolls downhill, it's about honesty.

I know I'd be upset if he came home and spent time with his kids and he didn't tell me and vis versa.

Sooo. He's coming home Friday morning. If the kids know he's going to be here..they'll be here Friday night...THAT I know for sure.

My hubby says he'll just tell them that he won't be here that long and we have some business things to take care of (which we do..); but they'll still be here Friday night regardless.

I told him that there's really no way around this until he's home more often. He SHOULD spend time with his children and me, his wife; yet I'm not the mother of his children so that's where the issue comes in.

Again, I don't want him to lie since it'll eventually come out, so I'm encouraging him to spend at least a day with his kids.

His thoughts are this though, "As soon as they know I'm here, the tires are going to hit the pavement whether I'm here 4 days or 40 and if I tell them that I want to spend time with you, it's not going to matter and the craps going to come down on you."

Of course it is. Why would I expect any different from stepkids that love their dad and rarely get to see him. I'd be more concerned if they didn't want to see him at all.

I really wish they wrote a book for stepmom with skids that lived 4 hours away; in addition to a hubby that has to live out of state in order to make a living.

After my hubby and I talked about this tonight, of course he wasn't in agreement with me..we had six months together after we were married and before he got relocated out of state with the railroad. We've had a week or two together completely by ourselves since then for a total of maybe a year.

I just know how I'D feel if it were MY dad and I rarely got to see him. Kids are kids for only so long and after they grow up enough to have jobs and families..Dad is Dad, but they just don't seem to be able to find the time anymore.

Sort of like the song: "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon..I'm gonna be like you Dad, ya know I wanna be like you..I've long since retired and the kids moved away, called him up just the other day, said I'd like to see you if you don't mind; he said I'd love to Dad if I could find the time..my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu but it was sure nice talking to you Dad..and as I hung up the phone it occurred to me, he'd grow up just like me..my child was just like me.

I'd rather take a backseat to his kids rather than my husband feel that way later in life

I'm a little too old too old for my husband and I to have children anymore..and thus..I have dogs. They don't talk back and we don't have to put them through college..lol!!

On a more serious note, when I married my husband, his kids were younger and much more adaptable. Now that they've gotten older (and have moved with BM 4 hours away) I rarely see them.

Grandma lives in town and although we all get along and I get invited to SOME things (which is very nice), I'm not really a part of that part of the family, so invited/not invited isn't really an issue with me.

However, it does tend to be an issue when the skids are here and Grandma won't let them out of her sight. I wanted to take them to the new Star Wars movie Christmas Day and they both wanted to go, yet asking Grandma was sort of out of the question. I understand as she doesn't get to see them that often so when she does, whether they sit around in the pajamas all day watching tv; it's the point that they're there.

When their dad comes home, it's a different story though..and I understand that also as he works for the railroad, living in an apartment 8 hours from me and even further from them. We rarely get quality time, but I again, understand as his kids should come first.

I get all that and have no issues with it. With 25 years in at the railroad, benefits will be great when he retires.

There are times though, when the skids are here that I wish I'd have some say, but I don't. At one time I developed a relationship with both of them and still love them like my own, yet when I see them maybe twice a year..I've learned to fade off into the background.

My hubby is due to come home for a few days the end of the month and doesn't plan to tell the kids he's coming. I disagree. Small as the time was that I spent with the skids and raising them, I always told them that we were to always be honest with each other. No lies, not even fibs, so my hubby coming home and close to 4 hours from his two children..somewhere along the line it's going to come out and I'm going to get the blame for it.

However, if he tells them he's going to be home for a few days, I absolutely KNOW that they're going to want to see him. Who can blame them after not seeing their dad for months on end.

His feeling is that he wants to spend some quality time with me though..the four days that he's here; and I get that, yet I can't go back on my word when I promised both skids from the beginning that we'd never have any secrets from each other, etc.

He told me that he just won't tell them, yet somewhere along the line it's going to come out..and I'm going to be the one the blame for it.

It's not like I'm afraid of being the "speedbump" when all the crap rolls downhill, it's about honesty.

I know I'd be upset if he came home and spent time with his kids and he didn't tell me and vis versa.

Sooo. He's coming home Friday morning. If the kids know he's going to be here..they'll be here Friday night...THAT I know for sure.

My hubby says he'll just tell them that he won't be here that long and we have some business things to take care of (which we do..); but they'll still be here Friday night regardless.

I told him that there's really no way around this until he's home more often. He SHOULD spend time with his children and me, his wife; yet I'm not the mother of his children so that's where the issue comes in.

Again, I don't want him to lie since it'll eventually come out, so I'm encouraging him to spend at least a day with his kids.

His thoughts are this though, "As soon as they know I'm here, the tires are going to hit the pavement whether I'm here 4 days or 40 and if I tell them that I want to spend time with you, it's not going to matter and the craps going to come down on you."

Of course it is. Why would I expect any different from stepkids that love their dad and rarely get to see him. I'd be more concerned if they didn't want to see him at all.

I really wish they wrote a book for stepmom with skids that lived 4 hours away; in addition to a hubby that has to live out of state in order to make a living.

After my hubby and I talked about this tonight, of course he wasn't in agreement with me..we had six months together after we were married and before he got relocated out of state with the railroad. We've had a week or two together completely by ourselves since then for a total of maybe a year.

I just know how I'D feel if it were MY dad and I rarely got to see him. Kids are kids for only so long and after they grow up enough to have jobs and families..Dad is Dad, but they just don't seem to be able to find the time anymore.

Sort of like the song: "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon..I'm gonna be like you Dad, ya know I wanna be like you..I've long since retired and the kids moved away, called him up just the other day, said I'd like to see you if you don't mind; he said I'd love to Dad if I could find the time..my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu but it was sure nice talking to you Dad..and as I hung up the phone it occurred to me, he'd grow up just like me..my child was just like me.

I'd rather take a backseat to his kids rather than my husband feel that way later in life..