Stepmother bitter rant

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Hi. I am a stepmother of two and am feeling very confused. I've been with my husband 6 years. He has two daughters ages 11&9. He gets them every other fri-monday. He pays $250 a week in child support. There has been some issues with bm but lately it's been calm. The girls have expressed wanting every other week with us and to change the schedule. My husband has always wanted that but never initiated anything as he knows their mother would never agree. We think alot has to do with her possibly loosing child support money. She doesn't make alot and her husband is disabled. My husband recently asked about how kids now want the change as well. Their mom flipped out blocking him saying she will explain why they need to be in one primary home with her.The following weekend they came back we all sat down and talked about how we wanted the switch and brought it up to their mom and suddenly they no longer wanted the switch saying they wanted to live with their mom. I'm so confused as to why for many months they ask and ask and wine about wanting to be with us more then when their mom talks about it with them, they no longer want it? It stirred up all this drama for nothing. We didn't respond and said ok as long as you guys are happy and left it alone. Do u think kids just want you to think they want u more as a sign of love or is their mom such a strong influence she could easily change their mind with one convo?
Sometimes I feel so bitter about support and how my husband has always been on the back burner. On the CO, it says joint custody and for all matters to be discussed together (education or health)...that never happens and the 1000 a month when they are over 8 days a month really necessary? If they actually were provided for I think i wouldn't be so bitter. We spend alot of money for things they need when they say Mon can't afford it. I guess I just wish she wasn't so selfish with money and with the kids minds I feel she is very manipulative. This is basically a rant and wish I didn't let it consume my thoughts so much.
I keep thinking how they are going to turn into her one day and just dread it.

I think i may have wrote this

I think i may have wrote this wrong....for several months the kids without any encouragement have been expressing want to be with us more. My husband finally brought it up to their mom.she got upset and refused to discuss it. When they came back the next weekend they brought up the talk their mom had with them (they belong with her in one home ) and my husband and i simply changed the subject letting them know it was ok and whatever made them happy. They added that they were happy where they are. We did not push this convo as it's awkward- my parents diid it to me. I know how it feels. We left the subject alone and didn't bring it up again. I just found it strange how after their mom had a talk with them, they no longer express want to come over more.

"I just found it strange how

"I just found it strange how after their mom had a talk with them, they no longer express want to come over more."

I'm sure mom found it strange that two kids that age pulled the idea of a 50/50 schedule out of thin air.

They said they have a friend

They said they have a friend who goes to their moms one week and their dad's one week and asked if we could do that. I wouldn't say thin air, I'd say they got an idea from a friend. My husband didn't bring it up until many times of them repeating....why so negative?

I think i may have wrote this

Because their mom probably

Because their mom probably set them straight, like an adult should, that it wasn't a matter to be discussed.

It's odd that these young girls would bring up the subject two consecutive visits.

My DH had issues with skid, in that age range, to even remember to bring her lunchbox home from school.

It wasn't two consecutive

It wasn't two consecutive visits. It was several random times over several months.
Set them straight? So change their mind in wanting to see their dad more? Kind of cruel don't you think?

Jasper is right. I'd like to

Jasper is right. I'd like to add that in life there are things we personally control. Then there are things beyond our control. What will be will be. You cannot change this dynamic and you cannot hold the upset and resent about it. You need to find peace in yourself and let it go. I spent 3 years eating myself up with anxiety and stress over my SS. I cared more than all the biological parties concerned. I got burnt very badly and almost lost my husband. Then I found here. My safe place. I can say what I think and I will be checked and if necessary brought in line. Spend some time here. Talk, get it out and find your peace.

I have learned to step back.

I have learned to step back. I use to actually go hang out with the kids mom and be very involved. I realized I needed to protect myself from being hurt and when she started to insult my husband I knew I couldn't be so close. Everything has been quite calm and ok until this....

11 and 9 seems rather young

11 and 9 seems rather young to initiate a change in visitation. Someone in your household must have planted the seed to benefit yourselves in hopes of lessening the child support.

I could totally see why BM would be, and should be livid.

I think it's kind of sick

I think it's kind of sick that anyone would think or try to get custody only for the gain for money. No it would be the gain for the relationship and money would be properly spent on their needs as that's what it's for? I can't believe anyone would be so cruel and selfish to only want a child for financial gain. Sickening.

What if they decided they

What if they decided they wanted to see dad (or mom) less? Should they still be allowed to make that decision?

If this is about dad having more time with his kids, then he is the one who should have been the one to bring the issue to the table, not the kids. If dad's desire to act on this motivated by having more quality time with his children, why even bring up CS?

^ This. Dad should petition

^ This.

Dad should petition court if he wants 50/50.

Because we buy everything

Because we buy everything they need from schooling, clothes ,shoes, stuff for sports. That's why I bring it up.

The kids have brought it up

The kids have brought it up several times randomly in the last few months then my husband finally decided to bring it up with her. He approached it quite nicely and she didn't even want to discuss and got so angry! Was it really wrong to bring up? We think it would be silly to fight for custody if the kids don't want to anymore.

It's wrong because it isn't

It's wrong because it isn't something he wanted. Based on what you're posting, the only reason the change is even an option is because a 9&11 year old talked about it a few times. He really expected mom to fall for that?

If it's OK for you to think mom played a part in the girls doing a 180 on this, why isn't it OK for mom and others to think that dad is behind them asking for the change?

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