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Is this normal convo?

stepmom92's picture

Submitted by stepmom92 on Fri, 11/05/2021 - 6:34pm

Is this just normal convo?

So I have two step kids and my husband and his ex along with her husband and me all coparent together. My husband currently got a new phone and I was helping him transfer everything over to his new one. I had saw his text from his ex wife telling her about a day where I had to go into work and I didn’t know it until last minute so I was late. I feel like he really didn’t have to tell her that. Is that wrong? Or is it weird? Or just normal convo?

Comments

WwCorgi7's picture

Submitted by WwCorgi7 on Fri, 11/05/2021 - 11:35pm

You just said you "feel" like he didn't have to tell her that. Okay good, that's the first step of being human. You dont need to keep asking people what they think or what they feel or what they think you should feel. You don't wake up everyday and ask others what they think you should eat for breakfast (hopefully not). Life doesn't work that way. Other people cannot tell you how to feel or deem what is normal.

You obviously have a problem with their relationship and communication. You obviously have insecurities and trust issues. Have you talked to your husband? What are you doing to address the issues you are dealing with? You can't rely on internet strangers to tell you your next move. 

24 years as a SM's picture

Submitted by 24 years as a SM on Sat, 11/06/2021 - 1:48am

Him telling his ex about any other part of your personal life is so wrong. I am jaded from years of step hell, but telling the ex ANYTHING about yours or his personal life is giving ammunition to the enemy. They might be co-parenting just fine now, but that can change is a heart beat and any personal information can or could be used against him. He needs to keep the personal information out of any conversation with the ex.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sat, 11/06/2021 - 3:03am

Didn't you say that you and your husband hung out with her and hers all the time, going on vacation together, eating out together, etc.? If that's the case then this was probably just idle chatter between them.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sat, 11/06/2021 - 4:08am

I've just gone back and read over a few of your other posts and the feeling I get from them is that the "friendship" between you and your husband and his ex and her husband is very much driven by your husband. I also note that her husband is hardly ever mentioned as if he fades into the background. I wonder if your insecurity isn't fuelled by the fact that you think your husband and his ex aren't over each other and maybe have "unfinished business". You are clearly not as comfortable with the situation as your husband would like. Have you told him that you'd like to spend more time with just him without having his ex and her husband tag along? Please stop pretending to be OK with things if you are not OK with them. You really need to start speaking up.

Kintsugi's picture

Submitted by Kintsugi on Sat, 11/06/2021 - 8:58am

I think it's so much easier to see the dysfunction when it's happening to someone else. I noticed a text exchange on now  exDH's phone when we were on holiday. He'd already gone to bed and he received a message from his daughter saying "sorry it's going badly".

Naturally unable to resist I open the convo and immediately notice that not only had he been complaining about me to SD16, he'd also been maintaining a convo with an ex girlfriend. The one he'd left BM for.

I went absolutely ballistic on both counts, and rightly so. I should have ended it there and then and regret that I didn't.

In your case, not having read your other posts, I would bring it up like this: "Pity I had to see that text, but you did ask me for help in transferring your stuff. I understand that you've got to be in touch for co-parenting etc, but our relationship and my private life are off limits. Is that something that you feel you can respect?"

 

numb87's picture

Submitted by numb87 on Sat, 11/06/2021 - 5:10pm

Oh I don't know. Many of us have have partners who have ex's who completely hate them and there's constant drama. A good relationship between parents is a good thing for everyone. Especially you. I think a few texts every now and then, just general life updates, is fine. I mean it would be weirder if they were friendly and he didn't mention you at all!

But if you are not comfortable with his closeness don't suffer in silence. I would certainly struggle with shared vacations etc. Even though it's probably nice for the kids. You're a person in his life and your feelings are valid. He has to look out for you too.