We both have our own accounts also. I'm not working at the time, but going to school full time to get my Associates Degree in Health Information Technology. However I AM also looking for full time work. Drives me nuts not having my own money as he's always so darned tight when it comes to me yet he spends like a fiend on himself!!

Makes me extremely angry!! I've discussed it with him and he seemed to get it but everyday I look at our account and more money is spent on Amazon, trips to JC Penney where he's spent over a thousand dollars on what he claims are suits and ties for is new job.

As many of you know, he works out of State and recently moved to a new management position where he needs to dress up for work. I can understand that, but he also told me that he mainly has to wear khakis and a nice shirt most days, and only needs to wear suits if he has an important meeting. He lives in Kansas so I really don't see the need for him to dress like "Georgio Armani" complete with tie tacks and a new expensive Apple Watch.

He received a $25,000 a year raise, so he's making really good money. Him spending a little bit of money on himself is no problem to me, but when he spends like a fiend, it's starting to make me a bit angry as if I spend $96 on getting my hair done, he gives me a guilt trip, even when I pay for it myself. One time he blew a major gasket because I bought a Baker's rack for $35.00 with my own money. I made the mistake of leaving the price tag on it and he thought it was an enormous amount of cash to pay for a hunk of junk. To this day he and his son continue to remind me of it. Enough was enough and finally one day I spoke up and told them that it was going to be the LAST time I hear them complain about a $35.00 Baker's rack that I use to store my clothes on.

He needed to furnish his apartment and got a $10,000 moving package from him employer when he moved, and that he blew through most of in a matter of a few weeks. Granted he needed to get a bed and mattress, a couch, coffee table, etc., but he's also treated himself to a $1400 treadmill, amongst other things. He was kind enough to buy me a new laptop for $250.00 (open box model..there was a pixel missing, which isn't noticeable to me), and I appreciated that.

I understand that he works hard and is paying a lot of the bills right now, but I am still kicking in with my unemployment and money from my savings.

When I WAS working, he'd come home on vacation and expect me to pick up all the bills while he had fun and games with his entire paycheck. I really didn't mind at first, but seeing him go overboard all the time with things, it has gradually gotten under my skin. Again, while I was working, I paid the cable bill and many of the other housing bills while he paid the water bill and the house bill. I took care of my own car maintenance, put new tires on my car, in addition to my own groceries.

We have insurance, and a health savings account, but all that goes to his daughter who has many issues with allergies. I had some health issues that came up and when the bill came, he refused to pay it, so I paid that also.

A few times before when he flew home, he asked if he could put his flight on my charge card, promising to pay me back, since all his charge cards were maxed. What he ran them up with, I have no idea. He was supposed to have one free in case of emergency and then another one for his flights when he came home. Well my charge bill has become well over a year old now and he insists on just paying the minimum balance. Barely puts a dent in it when the interest rate is rather high. In addition, with the good money he makes, he was just paying the minimum balances on them; continuing to spend spend spend.

Last time he was home we had issues with our shower. He and his son tried to fix it, but did more harm then good, so we hired a plumber to come in. The total cost of that was $600. Good Lord, the look on his face!! So I offered to kick in half for it, which he gladly accepted.

The thing that makes me angriest about his terrible spending habits is the fact that he owes my dad well over $4000. I've brought this up several times and he just gets defensive. My dad was kind enough to borrow it to him, in addition to paying off my wedding ring, while my dear hubby spent and spent on his kids. Hubby told me that we'd get a band for it one day; yet I knew that would never happen. My dad told me that he wasn't walking me down the aisle without a wedding band attached to my engagement ring that would "seal the deal" and would also be blessed, so he borrowed him the money to pay it off. A few weeks later my hubby asked if he could borrow another $3000 and PROMISED he'd pay it back as soon as he had the money. He also borrowed several thousand from him parents and as a downpayment to make sure he paid them back, he gave them a bunch of coins from his coin collection. A week after our wedding, when he got paid, he paid them back in full, while my 87 year old dad, who is now in a nursing facility, sits and waits, as he hasn't paid him back one red cent.

The list goes on and on as he refused to pay for shots for our Golden Retriever (she was mine before we got married) so she could go up North with him...I coughed that up too. While up North, I told him what a pig she is with food and will eat and eat, so he shouldn't leave her out if there was a lot of food around. Because I was working, I was only able to go up North for the weekend for his dad's 80th birthday party. His entire family has dogs and they always feed them when they get there. Of course he wasn't watching her and I finally put her in the cabin as my hubby had already overfed her; and she was pushing all the other dogs out of the way and eating their food also. I'd put her in the cabin again and before I knew it, he was letting her out again!! We decided to go into town and I told him to leave her in the cabin while we were gone, but he told me, "She'll be fine.."

Well she wasn't and luckily there wasn't much going on in town, so we came back early, to find our Golden not her active self at all. She was trying to throw up all over the yard and producing nothing, even though she had eaten enough for a herd of dogs. I checked her belly and it was distended so I knew, after going through this with my previous Golden, that it was Bloat (in other words, a twisted stomach). Of course he didn't believe me and had to check the internet!! Her gums were pale and I knew we had to get her to a vet ASAP. Long story short, she DID have Bloat and the bill was $1600. Of course I paid that too as he told me he could pay a little at a time, yet not even half of it.

Whatever!!

Property taxes he lets go also. We bough my parents house and the last thing I needed was a lien on our home, so I coughed up the money to pay them off too.

Funny that he told me before we were married that it was his ex that had a spending problem, thus the reason for their divorce. She was always buying new furniture and this and that..blah blah blah. I think they BOTH had spending issues as he's proving in OUR marriage.

This whole thing has been festering for a number of years now as I've been keeping my mouth shut. As the anger grew and grew, and after asking him if he could please use some of that $10,000 and pay my dad back. It would have left him $6000 to work with..and still a good chunk of change to furnish his apartment with along with buying a few new suits.

Yet, Mr. Sentive Moneybags got all defensive over my suggestion and said, "We'll get there.." I've been hearing this for YEARS and now that he had the money..he could have even paid some..if even half. Nope.

I find him not even trying to pay my dad back soo very disrepectful (as he paid HIS parents back right away!!). Had I borrowed money from his parents and didn't pay it back, he'd be livid!! I wouldn't think of doing such a thing to such wonderful in laws. My dad has been soo very good to us and he's a wonderful Father in Law. He asked me a while back if my ring was paid for..meaning, had my hubby paid back the money he'd borrowed to pay off my ring. I couldn't lie to him and told him he was working on it. My dad got a bit fired up and told me that he didn't mind borrowing him money for this that and something else, but with the good money my hubby was making, he could at LEAST pay back the money he'd borrowed him for my ring. He certainly didn't help pay for 90% of the wedding..I did, with the money I made working, so the money he borrowed went for useless overspending on his kids. He bought them each a new laptop, in addition to treating himself to an $800 one.

I was in disagreement with it the whole time, telling him that we had bills to pay (including paying back my dad), but he kept whining about it and throwing it in my face. Everytime I turned on my computer, the ad was there for the damned thing; we' be in bed and he'd bring up the ad for it on his tablet. We'd go to Best Buy and the first place he'd go was to that stupid $800 tablet; Walmart, Target..same thing. The kicker was when we were sitting at the kitchen table with my stepdaughter and she asked if he was going to go get his new computer that day. He told her, "She won't let me get it..", rather than accept the responsibility that we couldn't afford it and had bills to pay. Of course my SD piped in and said that he works alot and pays ALL the bills (yeah right), and that it was terrible that I didn't let him have it. I tried to explain that we had bills to pay, but she wanted none of it and of course sided with Daddy.

As we went to Best Buy that day, he decided to reel me in by buying me a new speaker for my computer (as SS had taken mine), and with that finished, he went right to that computer as SD stood there and said, "You should get to have this Daddy.." I finally caved and told him to just get it!! Was so livid I went outside to cool down. He came out with it, got into the car, and said, "Thank you honey..I know I've been badgering you about this for days and I really don't feel right about it, but thank you.."

What.Ever!!

All these things have been festering for years now..especially the talk I had with my hubby suggesting that he pay my dad back recently..and his defensive attitude about paying it back. While he got this huge raise..this huge amount of money for a moving package, etc., he refused to even make an effort!!

And as Mr. Moneybags continues to spend and spend and spend like money is flowing out his ears..he sent me roses on Valentine's Day. I was really thankful that he did such a sweet thing..until he told me that he'd sent his daughter the same thing. I blew a gasket sounding like a spoiled brat regarding why he had to always do the same thing for his daughter that he did for me. I'm his wife/she's his daughter..and there's a difference. Just because he buys ME something doesn't mean he has to buy HER the same thing~and isn't there ever anything sacred given to me as his wife??!

Of course it turned into an arguement and he's barely talked to me in five days now after he hung up on me. Of course he had to text me and tell me that if it made me feel any better, SD roses were dead already and sent me a pic of them. That wasn't really what this arguement was about and had he given me a chance to get into it more..the feelings that I've kept in for so long would have been discussed. I texted him back and told him that this had absolutely NOTHING do to with his daughter, but more about us; in addition to calling and ordering his daughter new replacement roses. All he said was thanks. Still hasn't officially talked to me as he has a mad on.

I texted him back and told him that I love my SD like my own and if he'd just listen..but he won't. It was HIS stupid mistake and he'll never admit he's wrong. I believe he knows darned well what it's really all about, yet won't deal with it. Instead he punishes me with the silent treatment..knowing darned well that it's not like me to blow a gasket over him sending the same color roses; that's just a part of it..him not thinking. He doesn't allow me to be her mom as she already has one of those. Instead he wants me to be her friend, which I am and I treat the kids like gold. He's also told me to never tell him how to raise his kids, so I've backed off from that one also.

From the very beginning I've made it clear to my SD that this will never be a competition between her and I..that I am her dad's wife..and she is her Daddy's little girl. Nobody can take the place of that and I told her that even when he walks her down the aisle when she get's married, he'll never give her away, as she'll always, ALWAYS be his little girl. My Dad and I have that pact also, as I'm a Daddy's girl.

Anyway..

This isn't at all what I signed up for as before we were married, he kept telling me how great it was going to be; being a family and I'd make such a great stepmom for his kids. They love me to pieces, yet I barely see them. Problem with him is that he only likes sharing them when I can do something with his daughter when she's in town (they live 4 hours away). We spend hours together laughing and talking and are very close when she's here. Have to compete with Grandma though as she kind of hogs them, but I do my best to understand.

My hubby has been married three times previous to ours and I think his money spending habits, along with his childish attitude ended those marriages also. Making all sorts of money has gone to his head along with being in management. He's used to getting his own way and this new position he has will do nothing to change that. I told him that before he accepted this positon, that he should give it some good hard thought. He'd be making much more money..along with being in a position with much more authority. Could he handle that without him changing how he treats me?

It's been a few months now and I thought this new position had actually changed him for the better, as he sounds happier, we have had longer talks on the phone, etc. He was happy with his position, happy with his employees, etc. Yet it still has spoiled him as he spends all the additional money he's making, refuses to share much; AND with his new authority, he's become spoiled. He gets what he wants for his private office on the company credit card including a second desk in his office, new office chair, etc. The list goes on and on and I can't believe the company allows it. I also believe that he spends half his time both in and out of the office on Amazon, as he also bought himself two new monitors (the one they had for him wasn't good enough..), at the cost of over $400.00 for both, telling me that he's the boss and can do what he wants.

Again. Whatever.

I'm sorry this is so long and I appreciate if you've read this far. I just had to get some of these feelings out as I've been keeping them in for a very long time. Some I've vented here, but the whole story..this isn't what I signed up for. He was such a different person before we got married and now that the wrapper has come off..all the things that he described his ex wife as..giving him the silent treatment and not talking to him for days; being such a spend thrift, etc..all describe HIM.

I so agree notsure. Everyone married deserves to be valued by their spouse; both financially, physically and emotionally, including having each other's backs!!

There should NEVER be a time where a woman doesn't feel those things from her husband, yet sometimes when the wrappers come off after being married for a bit..we find some real monsters in the closet.

Well...we have separate accounts now because I insisted. He spends a lot not only on his kids and himself but also on his business. I don't think he's frugal with business expenses, and it was all coming out of the same pot since we're both freelance. I set up a "business" account for each of us and a household account that we both contribute to. I manage the household account in addition to my business account and tell him what he needs to deposit from his business account at the beginning of each month. If he can't make the deposit...he has to hustle up some more work. I do an end of the month report and a projected budget for the new month that we sit down and discuss together...still, it's like pulling teeth to get him to talk money with me, even though I try to make it as positive / upbeat as possible and don't nag or blame...just state facts. I think he prefers to just swipe the card and let me deal with managing the aftermath.

My hope was that seeing what he's got coming in and what goes out will cause him to start being better at managing his business and skid purchases. Before, he would just get what he "needed" and I'd have to cut back on our household expenses or find some more money somewhere...his contributions as well as his spending were both basically invisible to him since he never checks the household account, so he didn't really understand how little he was contributing after his expenses. Now, he at least sees directly the effect of his spending. I've also started refusing to cover any of his "half" if he comes up short. It does seem to be working, to a degree.

My preference would be a husband who actually enjoys discussing finances with me and making plans for the future and sticking to them...but he's got a lot of other strengths and excellent qualities...so this is my compromise, financially. I'll take on the responsibility as long as he's making a basically fair contribution to the household. My accountant also told me that having separate business accounts is better in case of an audit in addition to simplifying filing taxes.