My husband currently works out of state for the RR. We had 6 married months together before he got transferred. He's been out there going on three years and gets home may 2-3 times a year for a few weeks each time. One week in the summer he spends entirely with his kids and his parents, which I have no problem with. I drive up for a night or two and then head back home as I foster dogs (along with having two of our own..one that goes up North with my hubby for a week), and although someone comes in and feeds them and lets them out, they ARE my responsibility.

The next week, my hubby comes home and spends a week alone with me.

It's tough but I've sorta gotten used to it..in a way. Every time he comes home, we both look so forward to it; but the entire time he's home, the idea of him having to go back hangs over both our heads, as we try to make the most of our time together. When he leaves, it's kinda like ripping the band aid off all over again.

A bit about my situation. I have no children of my own and my immediate family (sister and her family) live out of State. My dad is currently in a nursing facility and I visit him often. I have two step kids (14 year old stepdaughter and 17 year old stepson) whom I rarely see as they live 4 hours away. When they DO come to town, most of their time is consumed by a very nice, yet very set in her ways Grandma that sort of likes to run the show.

I get along well with their side of the family, including his ex, and Grandma. They often invite me to certain family get togethers, yet not all, which is understandable. I also get along well with my stepchildren, especially my stepdaughter and we spend many hours together..when we can and when Grandma isn't in one of her "greedy" modes.

The skids were in town the day after Christmas for their family Christmas which lasts for a bit and then everyone pretty much sits around. My stepdaughter has told me several times how boring it is and I offered to take her and my stepson to see Star Wars for a few hours after the festivities were over, telling my stepdaughter to text me if they could get away. Never happened.

This isn't at all what I signed up for, yet I keep trying to understand. I have stepkids, but not really, as I see them little. My hubby tells me they love me to pieces, but it still doesn't help when we have no holidays together, I can't Christmas shop, birthday shop, etc., for them as he just gives them money. I can't holiday shop for his parents because he does that also. I've tried buying them little things, "Just Because" and my hubby shuts me down and tells me they have everything they need and can buy their own things.

Backing up, last Summer, after spending a week up North with the kids and his family, my stepdaughter asked if she could come back with him and stay at Grandma's. I didn't see any harm in it as I was working during the day, thinking it would be additional time for my hubby and his daughter. The only thing I asked was for us to have the first weekend alone so that we could not only have some quality time together, but to also spend some time with my dad, taking him out for brunch on Sunday, etc.

Well, since Grandma had to work, my hubby asked if my stepdaughter could join us for brunch. My dad doesn't hear very well, and in addition, he doesn't take to a lot of gabbing. I'm sure he would have loved to see his step granddaughter, but he told me that he'd seen those kids so little, he didn't know if he'd even remember them, so I thought it better we just go eat and then pick her up afterwards, which we did. My hubby had clued her in beforehand that he needed to go car shopping, in addition to getting some things done around our home and she didn't seem to mind. However, coming over here, we did a few things in the backyard before she was bored, so we went driving around some more, avoiding shopping as my hubby had spent enough up North. Finally went to get something to eat at a fast food joint where she started complaining that she came all this way and..

I got the idea and as it being nearly 7 pm, decided to go home and get some sleep while Disney Daddy took her shopping at Goodwill.

The week proceeded as planned with my hubby doing yardwork and getting things done around our house. His daughter was invited over to help him out, but it was either too hot or she was tired. She wanted none of that and pretty much sat at Grandma's and pouted...shopping and going out to eat daily with Daddy was more her idea.

I had nothing to do with any of THAT though, as I was working. My hubby told me that she knew what was going to happen when she got here and still chose to come along.

As we drove her back home, she'd barely talk to me. Apparently Daddy not wanting to take her shopping some more was all MY fault.

This child has turned into a selfish brat. I truly understand her wanting to be with her dad as he's not around nearly enough..and when he is..he has to spread himself extremely thin. So thin that I even encouraged him to spend his entire two weeks of vacation up North with the kids..they needed him more than I did as I was working 40+ hours a week and didn't have the time needed for quality time anyway. Before his daughter came into the picture of having to be here in town, he had told me that even if we watched a movie together before I had to hit the hay was good enough for him..at least we were together.

Being in the house one day, my stepdaughter saw that my hubby had bought me a star. I had it framed on our bedroom wall and all of a sudden SHE wanted one; so my hubby turned around and bought her one too (as I roll my eyes). A few years back my hubby had found his dog tags from when he was in the Navy. She got a set and I got a set, but she lost hers, so all of a sudden, mine went to her.

GRRREEAAT!!

My hubby has always bought her flowers for Sweetest Day and Valentine's Day, which he used to send to her school. He buys me flowers also, but one year he bought her $50 worth of flowers. I came home from work one day to find a note on our door that the local florist had missed me for a delivery that I needed to pick up. Expecting flowers..they brought out a freaking Balloon Bouquet. 12 mylar ballons at the cost of $60.00!! Each of those balloons were $5 bucks a piece!!

I was thankful, yet livid at the same time. A balloon bouquet while his daughter got a dozen RED roses?? What the heck is wrong with this picture?? He just told me that he thought he'd switch things up a bit.

Okie dokies...

It was the thought that counted and I couldn't have thanked him enough. It wasn't that I wasn't appreciative of his thoughtfulness..it was just a little odd to me.

Now come the kicker. My hubby sent me a dozen beautiful red roses for Valentine's Day. Loved them to pieces!! THEN he told me that he had ALSO sent his daughter a dozen RED roses also. Didn't make me feel so special after THAT one.

I was livid. Not because he sent his daughter the same thing..but WHY he needed to send his daughter the same thing?? He told me it was just easier sending two of the same..when there are a bazillion fun colors of roses to send his daughter..white, yellow, muli-colored, etc., but to send her the same as he sent me for Valentine's Day??

Red roses mean true love. That's what you send a spouse on Valentine's Day..not your daughter.

I blew a "nice" gasket and told him that I didn't want to sound mean, but why does his daughter have to have everything I have? I've always told her from the time we got married that I wasn't in competition with her in any way..and that she would always be her "Daddy's little girl".

Yet I told him, "I'm your wife..red roses mean true love" and that him sending his daughter the same thing kinda put a damper on the meaning.

Of course he didn't get it and said, "Well, she's my daughter.."

I understand that, but couldn't he think of a BALLOON BOUQUET to send her..or at least roses of a different color??

I went on to say how she wanted a star after she saw mine..and she wanted his dog tags after she lost hers and took mine..and isn't there every going to be anything sacred between the two of us that she doesn't have to have too???

When the skids come to visit, we can't even sleep an entire night in the same bed before she's coming in and waking Daddy, telling him that she can't sleep and would he come sit with her for a bit. She used to apologize and thank me for letting him sit with her, but now she just takes it for granted. Now it's not sitting with her while she sleeps, but getting up with her and sitting in the kitchen until all hours of the morning..

Again, from the beginning I've always told her that there will never be any competition between us and that she'll always be her daddy's little girl. I do my best to keep that promise, yet my hubby can't ever say anything like, "Well, I bought that special for your stepmom..maybe we can find something different, but just as special for you.."

Nope. He has turned this into a competition I don't need, nor want.

I feel really selfish at the moment, yet he IS my husband. Is it too much to ask for something "Just for me" for Valentines Day..and then something he chose, "Just for his daughter" for Valentine's Day also?

And after reading this a second time, maybe I'm the one that's competitive. Just tired of nothing ever being sacred between us. Maybe if he were home more it would solve the issue.