World war 3 , Armageddon and Hellfire did not compare to what happened when skids walked into my bedroom without knocking 3 years ago . They haven't even touched the door since . That is the one room in my house that is completely off limits. The loss of privacy is what disturbs me most as a SM so this last bastion of privacy can not be disturbed .

Your wife needs to get a grip! She is free to cuddle her child anytime she wants and it is a good thing for parents to do. However, do it away from the bedroom for pete's sake! That is just weird! How is the kid? She sounds bratty! If she wants to wake up her kid and do that, she needs to it elsewhere. Barf!

I come from an intact family and never once did I bounce into their room or their bed to cuddle. Ever. I did not grow up feeling uncuddled or unloved. SD will live.

I grew up in an intact family and I was not allowed to be in my parent's bedroom. Let alone their bed, ewwwww. If my DH let his son into our marital bed I'd be telling him that all adult activities that take place in the marital bed will cease and desist until the children are kept out of it.

I grew up in a blended family and I never laid in my moms bed unless I wasn't feeling well AND my step dad wasn't there, I never ever slept in my moms bed, on rare occasions we would just watch a movie or read books together in her bed.

I certainly had to knock and have permission to enter their room as well.

it's a bad, bad, bad, bad cycle.

the kids coslept. the older two didnt have too hard of a time adjusting, except maybe at 9 or 10 asking dh to lay down w/ them when they went to sleep.

kaos took WAYYYYY too long. it's only been 6 months or so since he quit asking. he'd have to be cuddled to fall asleep. he'd wake up during the night and need to be cuddled. 3, 4, 5 times a night. EVERY night. it's only been since he turned 12 that he FINALLY seems to have grown out of it.

i was HIGHLY uncomfortable having ANYone else in our bed except for dh and i, let alone have free range of our bedroom. dh knew this, i made it quite clear. so after trying to get me to accept it, he'd just get up and crawl into bed w/ kaos. once asleep, he'd come back to our room. lather, rinse, repeat.

i'd wake up before kaos' hand ever touched our door and could not sleep w/o dh beside me (so i'd turn the tv on when he was in w/ kaos). i've also told dh on many occasions "you know sleep deprivation is a TORTURE TECHNIQUE, dont you? why are you allowing this bull$#it????"

i even told him yesterday about the chore chart (more like household rules) another member posted here yesterday. told him it was great, had things like no whining, help with dishes, make your bed, pick up after yourself, no shouting, go to bed and stay in bed. he was all "HEY that sounds GREAT, i wonder if that'd help w/ lurch and kaos!". until.... i told him it was for THREE YEAR OLDS.

THREE YEAR OLDS *can* and do grasp the concept of Go To Bed and Stay There. no reason why kaos didnt grasp that until the freaking age of TWELVE, except that dh allowed it. and your wife is allowing it. please take my life as a warning example of what it can easily turn into.

I don't blame you at all. My SD used to come into our room and cuddle with us in our bed when she was little and I didn't like it. She's not my child and she shouldn't be in my bed. I eventually made a rule that no kids are allowed in our bedroom. SD has her bedroom, the living room, kitchen, play room, etc. She doesn't need to be in my room for any reason.

However, I now have a DD2 with my husband. We allow her to come into our room for certain things. For instance, if I'm folding laundry in there and she wants to be with me. But I don't let her come in if it's a weekend that we have SD7 so that she's not aware that I'm allowing DD to break the "no kids in my room" rule.

I hate to say it, but, having been there, I think this is one of those things that is just "different" with your own bios vs. SKs. When my SSs were around 5 and 6, they loved to come get in my and DH's bed in the a.m. Sometimes I would forget & sleep in a long t-shirt (but would put on shorts or pants after I got up.) I would have just that on when they came in and would try not to get close to them under the covers or would put the sheet in between us. They loved to play a game where we pretended my DH and I were bread in a sandwich and they'd take turns saying what toppings they were in the middle. It was cute but it made me very uncomfortable.

Fast forward about 15 years, and I have 2 DSs with DH, now 14 and 8, and they LOVE to come jump in our Kingsized bed with DH and me, not just mornings, but quite often in the evenings as well, when DH and I are relaxing in there after work. One of their very favorite things to do is cuddle in (especially on cold nights) and eat popcorn and watch t.v. in our bed--this is while we have a designated media room with leather recliner theatre seats and a big screen on the wall sitting empty! My teenager even frequently comes in in the evenings and sits on the edge of the bed to talk to DH and me if something is bothering him. Nothing whatsoever feels "dirty" or "inappropriate" to me about this in any way. However, as I said, these are my 2 children with DH. I'm just happy they actually do have times they want to talk to me, which has become less and less frequent with my teenager.

I'm not sure how to reconcile it other than to recognize it is an issue that should be discussed with your partner (if it is an issue) and find what makes you comfortable.
ETA: I disagree with the feet in the face, for sure! We've had that dispute between my 2 bios, and that kind of conduct, even when it's been joking (as it was in our case) is not allowed!

SD12 used to hang out for about 30 min in bed with us when she was around 9/10.
That was ok because she was nice back then. }:)
She'd read with us or ask kid questions about stuff. She'd never, ever sleep with us.
SD9 has never done this.

The last time it happened?
I was home a little later than normal, no one was downstairs, I go up and DP is in bed with the SDs watching "The Parent Trap." I'm like, WTH? Eveyone wants me to watch it with them. I watch about 10 min of it (it's close to the end) and I'm like, "WTF is this movie?!" It was a nightmare. Shortly after that SD12 (then 10) booby trapped some of my things creating havoc and drove me to find this site. }:) }:)

So no, no skids in bed.

I can totally relate!! My BF's son has always tried to pull that shit (he's 6). Anytime I stay over on the weekends, he will wake up at like 6 in the morning and start roaming the house, eating candy, playing video games, and start trying to sneak into the bedroom. He'll go over to his dad and try to make him wake up, then when that doesn't work, he'll start trying to wiggle onto the bed. One day I woke up and he was standing beside the bed where I was - just staring at me. I went completely off. BF scolded him real good for that one and told him he is not to come into the bedroom early in the morning like that anymore unless he actually needs something. I tried to tell BF to not let him up roaming the house like that anyway until we're ready to get up with him, to which BF just replies "its fine. he knows better than to go outside or anything." Its a small house so I'll agree there isnt much he can get into, but its the principle of the matter.The kid obeyed for awhile and stopped coming into the bedroom, but he started recently coming back again, making some stupid excuse for why he did it, like asking where his tablet charger is or he'll begin making loud enough noises that we'd just get up anyway. Needless to say, I seriously limit how often I stay over when he has the kid these days and that was one of the very reasons why.

Ummm you might want to point out to your wife that this puts you at risk of being accused of sexual misconduct. I don't know how civil her ex is, but I know my husband's ex would jump at that opportunity.

Listen to your gut, you are correct in feeling uncomfortable. That gut feeling is there to protect you.

I don't even like SS7 looking inside the door to my room for too long haha. It's my private space where I don't have to deal with someone else's kid. You have every right to enforce that rule.

I had this issue, but when I said "how would you like (insert friends name) kids jumping on you in the morning he understood and now cuddles on the couch or Spare room. Next battle is banning them from the room full stop. I cant get dressed in peace, they use the bed as a play ground and if I try to escape to read a book I get company (the very company I was trying to escape)
I'm going to use some of the comments I have just read to help my case so thankyou

I came into my HB life almost 3 years ago, SS was 4 at that time. They used to slep in the same bed, because they have only one bedroom. I put the kid to sleep in couch and every night, in the middle of the night he was entering in our bed. My HB doesn't wake up with anything, so i was able yo just pushed him off the bed every night, he stop trying, and then was crying in the couch until he felt sleep again. 2 years later, he is a more independent kid, he knows, he can only use a sector of my house. Never our bedroom or bathroom. Anyway we have him EOW now, so is better for my marriage.
we are planning to have our own kid next year, he will be able to stay with us, if we both agree. I don't know how I 'll feel if is my child, but for sure will be complete diferent.

I think this is a bit prudish and unfair. This is a child who is coping with a new man in her mum's life and you as a step-dad. She isn't sleeping in your bed and I think it's being a bit rough not letting her in for a cuddle in the morning. this is what she's used to doing and cuddles are important. Have a sense of humour - so what if she puts her feet in your face, tickle them. Lighten up.

SS entered our bedroom once and jumped into bed with us when he was 5yrs old right after we had moved in together. I immediately jumped out of bed, bit my tongue to avoid saying what I was thinking. I went to home depot after work that day. Locks were installed on our bedroom door that night. Never again! You shouldn't have to worry about what you do or don't wear to bed in your own bedroom. Kids don't belong there.

Step kids don't belong in a blended family bed. I finally had to put a stop to it. Somebody had a good suggestion once: just sleep naked. Your spouse will kindly put a stop to SKIDS coming in.

Point out that (privately, just to your wife) you f$&@ your wife in that bed. Describe all the things you do to her and how much you both enjoy it. Then tell her you feel grossed out at doing those things in a bed that her child has been in. Then stop f$&@ing her. See how she likes that. If a day goes by that sd isn't allowed in there,f$&@ her brains out. If sd is allowed in there, be an ice cube.

I think this is one of the most common; small but big problems in step-world.

When I was growing up our bedroom was our space, likewise my parents bedroom was THEIR space, as was the living room and all of downstairs. The only time I entered my dads room was on his birthday to wake him up with tea and presents.

I think its really important and ultimately healthy for a couple to have a child-free zone. Regardless of whether those children are bios, steps, adopted, or neighbourhood kids.

My DH would allow SD into his bed for morning cuddles when SD was 2, right at the start of our relationship. It happened once whilst I was staying over, that evening we talked about it, I explained why I disliked it and asked him at what age did he think it to be inappropriate and ultimately what if SD was still wanting to do so after that age, how would he explain to her that something was suddenly inappropriate.
And guess what? From that day SD was never in our bed.

I get that some people are really cuddly and affectionate with their kids, theres nothing wrong with that, but personally, to me, it becomes dodgy when that cuddling is happening in the marital bed. Cuddle on the sofa by all means, cuddle up with a sick child in their bed by all means, but keep it out of the marital bed.

I am sorry that your wife is acting this way, to me its even worse to have a partner that listens, claims to understand, makes agreements on how to handle it and then back-pedals when it comes to head.

I feel the exact same way!! my husband thinks I'm heartless that I don't want his 10 & 12 year old daughters in our bed. Glad to know I'm not crazy.

UPDATE: (I am the OP under a different name when I couldn't remember a thing about that account - I'm that bad with this stuff)

So this day I wrote about was the very last time she allowed SD in the bed. I kept my ground, and DW doesn't agree or fully understand... but she honors it. How I got through to her was saying just this: "I given you and SD everything I own. All I'm asking for is that our bedroom be OUR bedroom." The key was staying calm. My DW listens and respects my feelings IF I approach her calmly about it. I'm very lucky to have such a understanding and thoughtful wife. And she is working hard on enforcing rules and manners. She is far less of a doormat these days. I think she realizes that if I'm to my wits end, then no one else would even begin to deal with SD. So things like feet in the face don't fly anymore.

I truly believe that the key to these step families working or not is a united and truly honest relationship/marriage. I am thankful she is willing to listen to me and my point of view. We may not always agree, but we work everything out to at least a happy median.

Answer to your bride: Not in MY bed!

End of discussion, end of issue.

Good luck.

We have a "no kids in our bedroom" rule. It took some convincing to get my husband to agree to it initially though. I just strongly believe that my bedroom is my private space in a house that I own and pay the bills for. There's nothing in there that any child in the house needs access to.

I'm so relieved to read this. I totally believe the bedroom is a child free tv free zone. That's what I'd like to have if I ever have kids. My bf has 2 daughters 14 & 8 and when he sees them (every other month for a week-they live across the country) the little one ALWAYS sleeps in the bed with him. She also sleeps naked (because she gets hot) which is totally beyond me because I'm fairly conservative.. But I just can't believe it. At home she sleeps with her mom and sometimes her moms boyfriend (when he stays the night) NAKED!!! They joke that they're hippies.. And I feel like such a prude. When we went on a trip together for a week on two different occasions we got rooms with 2 beds. I don't believe we should sleep in the same bed in front of his girls let alone in the same room, and within 30 min of meeting me she got naked. I was horrified!! And sure enough she either slept with me or her dad.. Naked!!
He loves sharing the bed because she loves to snuggle and is super sweet and he misses her and wants to spend as much time with her as possible.
I've always been of the mindset the bedroom is child free and I don't know if things work out with him how the hell we would work around this fiasco?? I'm sure she'll grow out of the naked part.. But if things work out... What happens every time she visits when I won't be ok with her in our bed.