Need Advice
Hi. I am a step mom of six and bio mom of two.
I have been married to my husband for two years and we both have 100% custody of our children, so we have 8 at home all the time.
I am the only one that works and my husband stays home with the kids. I make a good living but supporting 10 people has been more of a challenge than I thought. I buy everything for all the kids because the bio mom does not pay anything for the kids. She only has supervised visits.
I get $1300 a month for child support for my daughter. So I spend more on her because I do not feel it is right to spend her dad's money on children he is not responsible for. However, I split my money equally amongst the children. They all get new school clothes, birthday presents and Christmas presents.
My two teenage step sons are furious with me and they treat my daughter poorly because they do not feel it is fair that she gets anything they do not get. They are not angry with their mother who does nothing to support them- but angry with me because I might buy my daughter something they do not get. This is further complicated by the fact my mother-in-law tells them I am not fair and tells them to isolate my daughter and stick together. I truly feel I treat my step kids fairly. But I do not feel it is fair for my daughter to do without something when her dad provides her money to live a certain way. My step kids have more now than they have ever had but they say they don't care and until I am willing to buy them everything my daughter gets they will continue to be disrespectful and "stick together".
HELP!!!
And? So when is the father of
And? So when is the father of these six Skids going to start supporting them? If nothing else he can care for a few kids 'babysitting' as long as he's a SAHD anyway. He can also pursue CS from BM.
Omg! Can I ask what are you
Omg! Can I ask what are you thinking?!?! How was he taking care of his SIX kids before you? You are being taken for a ride. What are you even getting out the this relationship?!? Six skids and a man child! Wow. Just because BM has supervised visits does not mean that she shouldn't have to help financially support HER kids. Wow, just wow. Do your two bios a favour and open them a college account and quit paying for someone else's kids. Why should yours suffer because of your choices?!? Imagine how much you'd save from supporting SEVEN people! Omg.
Goodness, I can't
Goodness, I can't imagine...
DH should be working. No if, ands or buts. And BM should be paying for the kids she created, NOT you.
I would not tolerate my DD being isolated. I'd tell DH if it didn't end, he and all his kids were gone.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments.
My hubby was in the car business and worked horrible hours to include holidays and weekends. When we decided to move in together we decided he would stay home and take care of kids and house. We have one that is not in school yet, but we also drive all of kids to different schools. Also, I commute to work one hour each way and I am also a college professor so I work about 70 hours a week. I like that he does not work and is home with the kids to do homework and if one is sick I do not have to worry about missing work. Moreover, I am not willing to be the babysitter on the weekends if he did go back to work. I have to work a lot on my second job during the weekend.
The mother does not work and the courts in CA are crazy. My hubby actually has to pay her alimony because she did not work during the marriage. She was found unfit due to abuse and drug usage so the courts only allow her supervised visits but do not require her to work. We have tried everything we can to try to get child support but she refuses to work.
I have a pre-nup that protects me from any alimony or child support so I am not worried about that if we are to split.
There is nothing wrong with my self esteem. I married for love- not for money. I have enough money to support myself and my children and my children do not go without. I was simply looking for advice on how to deal with my daughter getting more due to her dad sending so much support. BTW, most of the support I put in a college fund for her.
Well to get to the point of
Well to get to the point of the questions...
You can spend on your daughter what you wish...and it is not any business of the SS's. However, you can be a bit less abvious about it.
I am the main bread winner in our home. DH works but makes 1/2 of what I make. He has three kids, I have one.
I provide 100% of what my BS needs. The SS's have DH and BM providing for them. I don't care who doesn't like that I buy what my BS Needs.
However, at Christmas time..I will give BS an extra gift card for money on the side, away from the SS's. I have the same amout of presents under the tree for all, but will get BS a few extras on the side. If I do get CS, I put that money aside in a seperate account and only use it for BS.
It seems to me, you either need to get better at getting your BD things without the SS's knowing or stop doing it.