Stepdaughter problem
Over the holidays, it was brought to my attention that my sd has been staying with my sis-in-law lately because she doesn't want to stay with us because I'm "mean and she doesn't like me".
I am livid. She's 12. The reason she thinks I'm mean and doesn't like me is because at my house - unlike at hers - there are rules...no shoes on the furniture, limited computer time, etc. My sis-in-law realizes this and is not buying into it, but is still allowing the kid to stay there because she says it's better than her being bounced around friends houses - her mother will not make her stay with us because she believes the kid.
Another issue: the bio mom has never once tried to talk to me or my husband about this issue. She just assumed her daughter's story is true - I'm mean.
My hubby is not bothered by this because he figures that since me and the kid don't like each other then the problem is solved.
I don't know whether to let sleeping dogs lie or make him realize that by letting her get away with this makes me feel disrespected...
Dad enforces NO
Dad enforces NO rules...that's the problem. Guilty dad syndrome. I have to bring it to his attention that she is doing something wrong: please tell her to go to sleep; she left candy wrappers under the bed; etc... Yes, it's our home, but his parenting skills are slim to none.
it's better than her being
it's better than her being bounced around friends houses
Why would either parent even allow this? The girl is 12. What is wrong with your husband?
He's letting her stay where she is because it's easier for him. He doesn't have to enforce rules on her (being the bad guy) and he doesn't have to deal with his wife and daughter "not liking" each other.
I see where this is making you feel disrespected but if he's not going to parent her when she's home, you're not going to feel any better.
Have you told your husband how you feel?
I say "bounced around"
I say "bounced around" because of the mother. If my SIL said no, she would find elsewhere for the kid to stay. She feeds off of drama, so I'm sure she's loving this.
Who is the custodial parent?
Who is the custodial parent?
Not exactly. When she stays
Not exactly. When she stays with us, my kids go with their dad. So she is in my daughter's room. She doesn't have her own room here.
The bio mom is the custodial
The bio mom is the custodial parent
If her dad isn't bothered by
If her dad isn't bothered by it, let it be. If he feels fine with his sister raising his daughter & she's fine with doing it, you pressing any of it is pointless.
If you & her don't like each other anyway, forget about feeling offended & focus on enjoying your space, your time & your home.
I understand your feelings, but you can't make her parents change & pressing it is going to create more problems between you & your husband. Not saying that you shouldn't say what's on your mind, but BM & your DH are the ones who have the final say. Focus on enjoying your home & your kids. When your kids are with their BD, use that time to relax & do what you enjoy.
The real problem I see with this situation is your husband's lack of interest in parenting. Unfortunately, if he doesn't see a problem with the situation, you aren't going to be able to convince him that anything needs to change.
Just to give u an idea, let
Just to give u an idea, let me say this: a few weeks ago, the hubby & I were at a movie (not his weekend). We both had a missed call from the same random number & when I called it back, come to find it was Starbucks. Ok, whatever.
Next day, we find out that his daughter was staying at a friend's house, got into an argument with her friend and didn't want to deal with it, so she left her friend's house at 1030pm and walked 4 blocks to Starbucks
The mom has taught them that they don't have to deal with anything that's unpleasant
And of course, she was
And of course, she was expecting hubby to go pick her up.
This kid is going to be a nightmare when she really hits the teens.
You're telling me! The 17y/o
You're telling me! The 17y/o has been a nightmare since 14!
Wow. I can't believe your
Wow. I can't believe your husband is okay with that! I understand your concern, but if BOTH parents are okay with the situation then what are you to do about it? I think if that happened to me right now with the situation I'm going through I would just say "whatever" and let it be. If your SIL knows it's bs then maybe she has the same rules at her house and SD will see that she's wrong. I can't imagine wanting to take in my brother's kid long term either...
I've learned the hard way you
I've learned the hard way you cannot force someone to be a parent the way you would. It's a hard pill to swallow trust me but I've had to disengage as much as possible with my SD and DH because I'm losing my sanity