Boyfriends children get on my nerves
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months and moved in very quickly. Both seemed to know exactly what we were looking for and found it in eachother. I have two children (7,5) and he has three (6, 3 year old twins). His children live with us every other week. I love my boyfriend in weeks without his kids. However, on weeks with his kids I want to be done with this relationship. Or at the very least have two separate households. I can not stand them. The 6 year old cries and whines too much. And the twins are wild, behind in speech, and seem to have very little structure. I'm educated, a teacher, yet I have no patience for that behavior in my household. My 7 year old has high functioning autism and my 5 year old is still adjusting to my divorce. I don't have time and energy for his kids. I find myself purposefully scheduling to be out of the house as much as possible when his kids are here. Their voices are like nails on a chalkboard to me. I have to hide and cry sometimes from how annoyed and on edge I am. When it's just us and my kids though I'm perfect. I love him, he's helpful, and we get along great. I've addressed it many times with him so he's aware of my feelings. If the tables were turned and he felt this way about my kids I would have ditched him a long time ago. Is there anything I can do to change my feelings? Does it get easier as they get older?
I am in no way an expert, but
I am in no way an expert, but I learned that there is no way i can get used to someone else's kids (and to think that at some point I wanted to adopt! What a disaster that would be!). I am tolerating my skid even though she is in no way horrible nor mistreats me. She is still a total stranger in the environment that feels should be just for me and my partner. I honestly don't think my feelings will ever change. In fact, they may even escalate once our baby arrives. So I don't know if there is anything you can do to change your feelings. It is hard to get used to other people's kids. I think it is even harder for women who have their own children. We tend to only love our own (I think).
Good luck whatever you decide! I am pretty torn myself about what to do but I am expecting and it makes it complicated for me. I am trapped. You are not trapped yet. May be take it slow and see if it changes over time? If not - get out no matter how sad it would be. No one wants to be miserable
This. It is not a good idea.
This. It is not a good idea.
My ASD son has the hardest
My ASD son has the hardest time. They 3 yr olds are loud and cry babies. My daughter loves it, but she's been asking for a baby sister or brother since she was 2. She also just got around to liking my boyfriend too. Actually sitting next to him and holding his hand when we're out. He is not the best parent. I think I really dislike him in a father role. One of you made the point that it is his job to make his kids like able. I love that! I've been working in his parenting. It's part of what I do for work too. He's used to bribing win candy, threatening to send them to bed when bad, and what I basically call a couch parent. One who rarely gets up and follows through with anything. He spanks his kids, but I don't believe in spanking. I feel bad for them sometimes, and angry that my children see that. I think we'll be having a conversation tomorrow about the situation. I feel what would make me most happy and sane is to have separate households.
Good for you!!!!
Good for you!!!!
Time to move back out or him
Time to move back out or him move back out or whatever the case.
With kids, especially this many and when it's more than just EOWE, blending is a lot harder and takes more time, at least, in my opinion.
My DH only had one daughter (now, 24) that he had EOWE but if he had had more kids and 50/50, we would not have moved in together (I have no kids).
Separate the households before you become so resentful that the relationship is lost.
I have them most of the time,
I have them most of the time, he has than about 18% of the time. We're all bullshit aside, which is why I love our relationship (minus his kids). And my divorce was incredibly civil. He still comes over for dinner sometimes, and even went on a Disneyland trip with all of us, including the boyfriend and his new girlfriend. It's helped my children transition easier, even though he was a jerk to me when we were married. So no, the stupid does not burn. I also ran a background check in my boyfriend, like I did with anyone I went on more than one date with. And their birth father couldn't take custody if he tried, since there was an incident of domestic violence that led to our divorce.