Hello, I'm going to try my best to keep this short...
I am 36, husband is 43. We have been together for 3.5 years, married for a little over a year. I have 2 children from a previous marriage, ages 13 and 9. He has 1 daughter from a previous marriage, age 12.
We have definitely had ours ups and downs in blending our family together, especially concerning my husband and my son, but in all, we are a strong family unit.
My husband and I never really talked in depth about having a child of our own, as we were mostly concerned with raising the 3 we have.
A little over a year ago, out of the blue, my husband asks me what I thought about having a baby of our own.
I told him that I was open to the idea, and to be honest, I got a little excited over the possibility. As time went on, and things settled down, I did have a longing to have a baby with him. He said he needed more time to think about it, and if everything continued to go smoothly over the next year, then we would re-evaluate and make a decision. I was ok with that, didn't pressure him, and gave him the time that he needed to think on it.
Over the that year, he would jokingly make comments here and there about wanting a baby...he seemed to be all for the idea, but in the next moment, he would say that it wasn't a good idea. Basically, he would go back and forth. which totally had me confused. My sister just had a baby a few months ago, and he was around her baby one evening at a family get together. When I had left the room, he had told her that he really wanted a baby. She told me this and told me that I needed to talk to him about it. So, I brought it up as the year of "thinking" had passed.... He still couldn't give me a definite "yes" or "no". After talking about it one evening and getting nowhere, he said, "give me one more week". and ask me again when the week is up.
The week was up, and so I asked him, and he said "I need a time out", and said nothing else.
At that point, I was a little frustrated. I feel like he is the one putting "time limits" on the situation, but never coming up with a clear cut answer. We both understand that I am 36, so we do not have all of the time in the world to think on it "indefinitely". When he said he needed a "time out", I got quiet. A few moments later, he said, "if you want a baby, we can have a baby" and began joking about baby names, but then started listing off some of the negatives as to why it was a bad idea...but it sounded to me like he was just scared. He has never given me any concrete reasoning as to why he thinks it's a bad idea...his reasons seem to jump all over the place.
The next morning, I sent him a quick text, with reassuring words, thinking that maybe he was just scared.
He completely ignored my text and didn't say a word about it.
At that point, I was a little mad. I felt like he needed to acknowledge what I had said, but ignoring me if he doesn't want to talk about something is what he has done in the past.
So, basically he finally told me "No, I do not think that we should have a baby"
and that was that.

After thinking that this was going to be a strong possibility, I can't help but feel let down.
A strong part of me really wanted to share a baby and a pregnancy with him and I am sad that he does not feel the same way. Don't get me wrong, I feel so blessed to have my 2 kids and his daughter, and I feel selfish for thinking this way, but after he out the thought in my head, I had it built up. (my wrong I guess).
and btw, All 3 of our kids have made comments on their own that they wish that we would have a baby.
They all are very open to the idea.
Right now, I feel that my reasons for wanting a baby are just as valid as his reasons for not wanting one, but he has never wanted to hear those reasons.
I told him that I am sad, and that I am sure I will get over it, but it will just take a little time.
He knows this, but he is now acting like everything is perfectly fine, even when it's clearly not.
I feel like he doesn't care how is lack of communication, his constant going back and forth, and his failure to hear my reasons are affecting me.

Should I hold on the the possibility of him changing his mind?
Should I try to talk to him more?
How can I get past this feeling of longing for a baby of our own? I feel like I am over reacting, and have let my emotions get the best of me.