Two words, one finger.
I know this won't make any sense, but I just need to vent because I have no one to vent to.
This shit for brains is notorious for going back to sleep and missing the school bus and missing school because of it. (I refuse to take his monkey ass to school when he does this - actions has consequences
Last year he missed over 10 days due to this.
That kid of his AGAIN, went back to sleep last Friday. As usual, wakes him up (17 years old) to go to school each day. Well, he did, and DH went on to work about 6:15. By 6:25, I didn't hear his rotund lazy ass moving around, so I figured he went back to sleep. I banged on his door and yelled GET UP. He said ok. Five minutes passed. I said kid, GET UP! He answered like he was irritated and then told me that he already missed the bus. His bus wasn't there yet - it shows up at 6:40.
I went off.
He just missed the bus a week prior from going back to sleep after his dad leaves for work.
Does he get reprimanded? No?
So, I am bitching to my husband again about this kid, but this time, I truly didn't hold my tongue. I took it upon myself to cut his internet off, but I don't think that is enough punishment for the umpteenth time he has done this. Not only does he fuck around and miss the bus, I caught him again a few weeks ago smoking pot in the house with his nerdy friend, AFTER telling him a few times before don't smoke that shit in my house, especially when my 9 yr old is right across the hall. I cussed him out and told his friend to leave.
I hate this kid, I really, really do. He shows utter disrespect towards me I feel, and I'm tired of his dad not doing shit about it, usually makes the excuse that he has Aspergers, or guilty that his crazy mamma killed herself a couple of years ago. I don't give a shit, no excuse to be an asshole. But you know its DH fault for being such a asshole and not showing this kid consequences for his actions.
So, after me bringing up the incident over and over and trying to explain via text to my retarded DH that turning off the internet was not enough punishment, he calls texts me back and says "Yeah, I get that you're pissed about it but there isn't a need to keep bringing it up all day"
Yeah I keep bringing it up because its not resolved! You constantly let him get away with shit all the time - time after time after time!
He said since I don't like the situation, why don't you take your ass down the fucking road. No wonder my blood pressure is fucking high, you ungrateful fucks! Ill take care of my kid, you take care of yours".
I was like, yeah, you're doing such a great job hence why both of your kids are utter fuck ups. Maybe your method fucking sucks ass.
The whole weekend I got snubbed/silent treatment from him.
So this morning, the kid gets up and leaves on time - but again, he left his key.
My asshole DH texts me to leave the front door unlocked so he can get in.
Fuck all that - like the kid playing dumb all the time when he gets busted breaking house rules and missing school, I am going to play dumb conveniently lock the door and go shopping and get my nails done - bet he wont forget those fucking keys again!
How dare you ask me to do something and you two assholes totally (at least I feel) disrespect me - you ignore me all weekend, took that kid out and went to the movies and didn't spend time with me for one second, not even not tell me I love you back when I texted him I love you - I felt abandoned emotionally and feel like this kid "won" - I am not his priority - this fucking kid is and I am sick of being blamed and told im ungrateful when I voice my opinion about this jackass kid.
I still don't feel better even after bitching!
You need to disengage from
You need to disengage from your SS NOW. Your DH's kid; your DH's problem. He can parent PotHead and you parent YOUR kid. If SS misses the bus - not your kid, NOT YOUR PROBLEM. If SS gets busted for smoking pot - not your kid, NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Call the cops if he's smoking in front of your house.
"...why don't you take your ass down the fucking road."
Consider this to be a STRONG indication that his kid comes first. He would rather you stay out of his kid's business and let him do all of the parenting (or lack thereof).
I would consider that a strong indication that he is seriously considering divorce and life alone with his son.
I have disengaged, but when
I have disengaged, but when he does shit like smoking pot in the house or leaving messes in my kitchen, leaving doors unlocked like we live in the country and not realizing that home invasions are real, then I don't disengage. I have no chill and get into his ass!
Ill be goddamned if he thinks he can do anything he wants while we take care of him. My daughter sees this fuckery, and I'm not going to stand there and just let him think he rules this roost without reprimand!
He told you to leave. So do
He told you to leave. So do it. But please call the cops on asshole SS first. Problem solved - 2 assholes removed.
OK, I laughed at the ending
OK, I laughed at the ending of your comment. Inappropriate, yeah, but I need to laugh at something
I lost my job in July so I am looking for work.
He can be a verbal asshole like myself when mad but I have NEVER told him to hit the road
Nineteen years with my DH and
Nineteen years with my DH and no matter how mad I've gotten (and I've gotten plenty mad) I have never told him to take his ass down the fucking road. Nor has he ever told me that.
And was your DH calling you an ungrateful fuck? You and your nine year old?
I know all relationships and dynamics are different, and people say things, but geez.
I might take a look to see what's down that fucking road. Peace, maybe?
He called me (and I don't
He called me (and I don't know why, I am not a fuck up) and his son ungrateful fucks. I just don't even get that.
HE is the ungrateful f*ck for
HE is the ungrateful f*ck for not realizing you have been helping him parent.
His kid is ungrateful? For what? Keeping his delinquent arse out of juvie? Jail? If Daddy would parent his kid, the kid would not be allowed to be a f*ckup.
I would be taking my ass down
I would be taking my ass down the road. End of problem. Oh, and call the cops on the dumbass SS. For truancy AND pot smoking.
when the skids gets wrapped
when the skids gets wrapped up in legal issues, let your ex alone deal with it. he refused to nip the issues in the bud, now its his problem. it is likely dh may come to you for advice. repeat the mantra "not my monkey, not my circus."
I understand why you're
I understand why you're raging. I would be too. Your DH apparently doesn't understand how much you save his ass by trying to keep the kid from staying home every day of his delinquent life. Not to defend your husband but usually when someone accuses you of something they're guilty for doing its just them lashing out. Not that that makes it acceptable it's never okay for him to say those things to you, but I have a feeling he knows his son is an ungrateful fuck up and it's because of his parenting. It doesn't help that the child you are mothering is probably ten folds better than SS is. He's just projecting his anger at himself onto you. When my DH does that to me (when it comes to BM) I just tell him: " I get you're angry and ramped up because of her antics and I forgive you for lashing out at me but it's not okay and you need to stop taking your frustration out on me". Usually he shuts up.
Like other posters have said I would also be looking down the road and calling the cops anytime SS was smoking pot in my house. Make it clear that if your DH choses SS over you then you have no choice but to choose your child over him even if that means calling the cops on his son so that son isn't in any danger. If he wants a his and mine line then make sure he understands how much it's going to cost him. He might suggest you leave because he wants you to feel insignificant whether because he knows you cant leave/live without him or he doesn't think you would ever leave him. You could leave him, you should leave him if you can afford to do it.
i totally agree. you need to
i totally agree. you need to protect your own children.
if dh has abdicated his responsibility as a parent, you just protect your children from bad influences.
at 17 your ss is young man.
at 17 your ss is young man. in one more year he will be legally an adult. let him take the consequences for his actions. he is refusing to grow up and your dh does not have the balls to parent him. remarried fathers lose their testicles or willingly let their ex wives and children castrate them.
if your dh is giving you the silent treatment, this is abuse known as passive aggressive behaviour. it is a method of people who are narcissists and at the least people who are assholes. telling you to hit the road is also an abandonment tactic used by narcs. call his bluff. leave. or if he says he is leaving, just let him go. no phone calls or texts. ignore him.
(your dh seems so much like mine!)
there is that famous essay on disengagement that i love reading over and over. it empowers me.
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.shtml
take care and hugs to you dear mrs. c. i know exactly how you feel.