A year later.....
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After your 27 year old daughter refused to make any payments on a college loan YOU consigned for her
After she refused to return all phone calls and even discuss this
After she conveyed a message to you telling you that she hoped you and your family burned in hell
And that is just in the past year,
You call HER recently......why........to see how she is doing. Of course she refused to pick up, but you left your sweet little message.
But this is exactly what he did with their mother......the more she treated him like dirt, the more he groveled and of course these kids were witness to this behavior.
I told dh no more.....he will not discuss these woes with me again. Our finances will be kept separate.
Yep, sounds familiar, my dh
Yep, sounds familiar, my dh spent years rediculously jumping in to" save the day" for his ex and children. Always hoping they would notice what a great guy he was. Always hoping they would reveal to him some tidbit of remorse for what he perceived as wrong doing towards him.
The day he came home from his ex's (divorced almost 30 years at the time) and explained to me " bet she could kick herself for ever dumping me. " I could not resist setting him straight.
"No dh, she is not . You just totally rewired her house from attic to basement for free. Here's a copy of the upcoming court auction on that house. " oh, she and your daughter never mentioned it was taken back by the bank before you wired it?
"I told dh no more.....he
"I told dh no more.....he will not discuss these woes with me again. Our finances will be kept separate." Good for you!!! At first it is sad to see DH suffer but remember; HE is the one who perpetuates his pain - not you.
He got very angry with me,
He got very angry with me, telling me how disappointed he was by my reaction. He says he has hope, that is why he called her. I said no, not hope, you did the same dance with their mother and you and she created these daughters who have no use or respect for you.
Quite honestly, things are tense. I have seen way too much to just forget about it. My respect for him is in the toilet!
Your DH is projecting his own
Your DH is projecting his own disappointment onto you. You will never win as long as you buy into his whining so in the end he can transfer all of his frustration onto you.
It is really hard at first to quit asking about or making comments about the skids but it is so much easier in the long run if you don't. Allow him to deal with his pain on his own. If he whines about them, just say, "Hmmm" and act disinterested. Eventually he will stop whining or you will have to tell him you don't want to hear about it. Your finances are separate so his enabling and groveling is not coming out of your pocket book.