Does your SO care more about HIS/HER relationship with his kids, or his/her kids relationship with YOU?
I'm beginning to realize that my SO cares more about how her daughter treats her than how her daughter treats me.
Before I continue, though, I must make a disclaimer: I love my SO so very much, and I do know that she loves me as she makes a point of showing it every day. Based on what I have read by other people on this forum in the land of Step Hell, I count myself very fortunate to have this kind of relationship.
HOWEVER, when it comes to SO's daughter and I, things aren't so "fluffy".
Almost any time I have voiced a complaint about how SO's daughter ignores me, SO will say something along the lines of this: "I'm sorry. I wish she were more friendly to ME too", or, "She treats me the same way half the time. What am I supposed to do about it?".
When her daughter treats her like a piece of flint from the dryer, she will sometimes voice how she would have been better off as an aunt than as a mother, or complain that she feels unloved and unappreciated by her kids and must therefore be a "bad mother" (which she isn't).
In essence, she makes it all about HER, even when I have a complaint. When her children do not seem receptive to my presence, she will, once again, make it about her, remarking about how all her kids probably see her as is a person who "wrecked the family home"...
Now, SO did almost EVERYTHING for her children while they were growing up, including volunteering at their school, being a class-mom, going on field trips, and being involved in their activities. STILL, she admits that she generally feels unappreciated for all of this most of the time.
Now, whenever SO's daughter treats her well, which includes coming home and greeting her, SO will just seem to melt and act as if her daughter is the greatest thing since sliced bread--just brimming with compliments for her. Her voice will become "soft" and she'll giggle at almost everything she says. However, she doesn't seem to acknowledge that, even when she is treating HER well, she is making a point of ignoring me (i.e. won't say "hello" to me, or even LOOK my way when she enters the room)...
My question: How many people can relate to this experience? Should I be upset about this? How do I best go about handling the situation?
How old is the child?
How old is the child?
Personally, I'm fine with being ignored by the skids, unless I have asked a direct question, which I really don't do often. I gave up trying to have much interaction with the skids...they just don't respond. They are 10 and 12. They aren't rude or disrespctful to me--I'd tolerate neither of those.
She's 16, Last In Line.
She's 16, Last In Line.
Horrible age. Even with
Horrible age. Even with intact families 16 year olds are difficult. I'd happily settle for being ignored over some of the other negative behaviors kids in that age group might choose. (I have 3 bio-kids, the youngest is currently 16, so I have experience with the age).
*Ahem*, Tommar, if you
*Ahem*, Tommar, if you haven't noticed, this is section of the forum is called a "Bio Child FREE Zone". It appears to me that you are a Bio Mom AS WELL as a Step Mom, which may be clouding your judgment. Please, I ask you to politely, to piss off. Thank you.
P.S. Your theory that cats are "soul sucking" is rather scary. People like you are the reason I take stray cats in, ESPECIALLY around Halloween...And, NO, for your information, I do NOT enjoy the fact that my cat has fleas, and I have medication for her and a Vet appointment set up early next week, you vampire...I sure hope any cat knows to stay away from you.
Tommar, the jealousy I feel
Tommar, the jealousy I feel and the way that I am treated by SO's daughter are TWO SEPARATE things. If you HAVE, indeed, read anything that I have posted, you'd know that I have ALSO stated that I DO NOT allow anything that I feel or don't feel to influence how I treat her. I keep my feelings to MYSELF, but I come here to VENT, as we ALL do.
Let me ask you this? Are YOU a "perfect person"? What makes YOU a better person than me? Because you are exempt of those kinds of feelings...I honestly feel as if you are picking and choosing what posts of mine to comment on simply because you want so badly to attack me.
By the way, it doesn't sound
By the way, it doesn't sound as if you have any valid reason to hate cats. I really question the humanity of someone who hates certain kinds of animals so much--especially common domesticated animals. Get over yourself. You aren't a Saint. Don't you dare judge me. If you were really concerned about the way I "treat" my SO's daughter than you would have responded to my post, titled, "I WANT to love my Skids", where I SPECIFICALLY stated that how I feel does NOT interfere with how I treat the kids. But, obviously, all you want to do is attack me. You Echo, and hereiam, are like a threesome.
Thanks for pretending to be a
Thanks for pretending to be a friend of mine last year when I e-mailed you, ignoring me, and then turning on me in a public forum. Really nice of you, Echo. I have nothing left to say to you..Goodbye.
Whoa. Not cool to bring off
Whoa. Not cool to bring off board stuff to the board.
You are mistaken about what
You are mistaken about what the Forum titles mean.
I agree. I think she thinks
I agree. I think she thinks bio free means only SM'S without biological children post there.
I was going to offer you
I was going to offer you advice, but since you decided to take unnecessary pot shots at both Tommar and Echo, all I have to say to you is grow the eff up.
If you think a 16 yo can't
If you think a 16 yo can't tell that you don't like her, you are a fool.
That said... so what??? SHe's 16! It's only 2-3 more years! Ignore it, and carry on. It's actually much more pleasant than having to pretend you are interested in hearing her prattle on.
Edited to add: My DH does this with his son, and always has. The kid could be a complete dick to him for DAYS if not even weeks, and one kind word and DH is on cloud 9! I mean, happier than I could ever make him! Happier than "blow job" happy! I just shake my head. I assume it is some biological thing that keeps humans from eating their young. I don't even pretend to understand. I figure it's not much different for my DH. I may not have kids, but I have one horse out of my herd who I think the sun rises and sets upon. I'm sure he dies inside hearing every little detail about her. But I don't care. If I go to the gate and call my mare and she nickers and comes running, my heart soars. Even though I know it's because she knows I have apples for her. So I assume it is like that.
That is the way that it
That is the way that it is...I don't get it either. My DH's daughters can be total shits to him, for long periods. But the moment they do the smallest thing, like answer when he says hello, suddenly they are just the best. They can be horrific almost to the point of abuse to me, but if they so much as acknowledge (barely) that I'm alive, well DH is congratulating them for being the best thing ever.
Example: DH's eldest daughter soon to be 34 years old treats me like complete garbage. Excludes me like a piece of dirt on her shoe. Sends 'family' emails constantly with updates on SGS, pictures, and now things about the soon to be new baby. I am never, ever included in these messages. No big deal. I could care less any more.
DH has been 'trying' with me lately, and stands up to defend me (oh so nicely of course) every time his daughter does this. Suggests it would be nice if she also include me
The shit will then send me something with two words about whatever it is she had been telling all her "blood" family.
So for the last update she sent only after DH requested it, I gave a short but polite response. Dh was pissed. At me. He felt I should be falling over backwards with gratitude and thanking her profusely for her "update" to me. He acts like she is the best thing EVER because she actually sent me something when he asked
He completely ignores the fact she is being a little shit to me by sending these updates out to the world without me being included, disregards the fact it was only sent because he asked her too, and just acts like she is the best EVER because she graced me with an update, because he asked her to and only because of that
It amazes me too how much shit they can do and get a way with it, and how little they have to do to be praised like royalty or something. But for all the many things I've done over the years it's all taken for granted, and the smallest 'slight' and I'm evil and the enemy
Cats don't kill babies and
Cats don't kill babies and the fact that a grown adult thinks that is true is nuts.
Haha, agreed! Not sure where
Haha, agreed! Not sure where the cat thing came from, but yeah. If you think cats can suck out baby's breath then, wow.