So SS's GF was in on the "conference" call but you were intentionally excluded so they could gang up on you. Your DH is an asshole. Time to start setting your own boundaries. Block these Skids from you phone and all social media. Draw a line in the sand with regards to your DH and his EXW. Absolutely no need for these two to communicate unless one of their GROWN children has an emergency. But remember, once you draw that line, you need to be prepared to take action if it's crossed or you will be right back in this position.

Personally, I would never talk to them again. I would never mention them to your husband again. I would only be concentrating on your children with him.

When I read stuff like this it makes me happy that I am a pure bitch who doesn't put up with that sort of crap.

I could have easily written your post, been thru everything you are speaking about and do understand very well what you are dealing with. Husband and I have been married 23 years....a his, mine and ours. The kids were 3-8 years of age when we met and now are in their 30's with the exception of our only child together.

My husband also did not want to have any involvement with his ex to speak to her about anything. I tried to talk to her but she was of the mind that her sons were to love only her, only she was capable of carrying and loving her children, she did not want her sons to have a relationship with me or my daughters, she made it known to me and to the boys that they were to only go to their dad for help and to deal with issues. I was supposed to be a nothing in the house according to her rule. She even tried to dictate showers and bed time. I think my husband was fearful of BM's temper and knew there was no reasoning possible so didn't try. I went to a counselor and explained the control this woman was trying to make over us and the counselor helped me to see that this woman has no control in our home and we were the ones that had to make that happen. I actually stopped talking to her....she had been wanting information from me, had asked me if I would support her in court to get custody if I were to leave (this was before we married). This was a woman who had left herself behind, husband had full custody and she was doing this? But only when she realized I was in the picture.

On the flip side, my ex-husband and I had talked. He had been having an affair which hurt like heck and I was very angry for quite some time but that was between my ex and I, that didn't mean my children could not love their dad. I told my ex that I wanted the kids to know that they had two moms and two dads, I really didn't like all the "step" talk. I tried to make friends with my ex's new wife and she was accepting. I gave her permission to discipline my children and knew she would be the primary care giver in my absence. When my children cm to me complaining about their stepmom I tried to help them understand her better but never bad mouthed her and never called her out on anything. They eventually divorced also but to this day my daughters still have a good relationship with their stepmom and my grand kids know her as Gma also.

The acceptance from your step children starts with the bio parents, not just one but both.

If your husband and sit and talk with his ex, I would highly suggest this. BM needs to allow her children to love your wife and if she has bad mouthed her to her kids she needs to sit with her children and admit what she did was wrong to them and to you. If this is not possible, you need to remove yourself from involvement with the step kids. You are the target for their hurt and blame. SMs are not perfect and yes we make mistakes just like bio parents do. We are entitled to our hurt and our anger when a bio parent goes out of their way to make sure her children are not accepting of the step parent. This is selfish behavior on the part of the bio parent but the children don't see it that way. They see it as support for them. It creates a wedge and it divides the family, siding takes place and their is no good that will result in this.

The only way to defeat evil is to confront it with zero tolerance and attack it until it is anihilated. So, quit being the doormat in your blended family nightmare and start destroying the evil will full confrontation.

It works wonders. Not only does it work, it is a hell of a lot of fun. }:)

Time to put BM in her place and give her absolute clarity that she has no say in anything to do with your and DH's relationship with DH's children. Lather, rinse, repeat.

As for the toxic adult BM crotch droppings....... Give them clarity that you will no longer tolerate toxicity from them in any way. They need the message that if they are still so tightly latched to BM's tit that they can't act as adults and have an independet relationship with their father, you and their younger half sibs then the will be the one to suffer because you will not tolerate any shit from them.

DH needs the message that he gets fully on board or packs his shit and moves out.

Have fun!!!! Bring the pain. Deliver it with an enjoyable evil grin. }:)

Take care of yourself.

Sounds like they've designated you the bad guy. It doesn't matter now what you or your DH does, even if he did care enough to confront them for you. Sounds like you need to work on getting your marriage together if you want to stay married. Go to counseling, explain that those kids are dead to you and have sucked up enough of your energy, time, love and they are no longer apart of your life. Your husband needs to really understand that not only do you NOT want to hear about them, you don't want to be responsible for talking to him in case of emergency or holidays and presents. He's never stuck up for you so now he will have to separate his life with his toxic family from you and yalls daughter. He needs to understand that yalls daughter will hold priority BECAUSE she's still a child. Those adults can AND SHOULD take care of themselves or let BM help them out.

Read "The Dance of Anger". This is a stereotypical triangle relationship. Your husband and his kids position you as the "bad guy" so that they can continue to have a relationship without having to confront their anger at each other.

This is a stereotypical triangle relationship. Your husband and his kids position you as the "bad guy" so that they can continue to have a relationship without having to confront their anger at each other.

I have not read the book furkidsforme recommends, but I believe you need to remove yourself from the triangle. Not as in, leave your husband, but disengage from his kids and things involving them so that they all have to deal with each other and cannot use you as the scapegoat or their reason for bonding and allying with each other.

I agree. It is time to disengage. Live your life and do not communicate with the skids ever again. Tell your husband that as he has chosen not to stand up for you to his previous family and their hangers on (ss gifrlfriend) then they no longer exist.

You do not want to talk about them or hear about them. In future your shared children are the only ones who are his children as far as you are concerned. His past life is just that ...past. Do not talk to BM. Delete her from your life.

See, they use you as the fall guy. They blame everything that is wrong on you. If they no longer have any ammunition or access tto you they will turn on themselves. I have seen it happen. The assaulters will turn on each other after the assaultee is gone. They have no one to feed off.

Just make it clear to DH you have tried for the last time. They are his children and he can see them as he sees fit. But your minor children will never suffer as a result of their demands. NEVER. So he has heart problems.... you cannot fix that. Only he can.

Now live with your family. Your children. When they raise the subject of their older stepsiblings just tell them they moved away and never contacted you all. They will forget them.

MovingOn5344, I can tell from how you wrote that you are a good person. My apologies. Out of everything I have read on these pages over the past 6 months, this is one of the worst things I've have read: "a group call, between my hubby, his Ex, and his children (and girlfriend), pretty much all about me and how I was off base. Of course I was not invited." This is after you poured your heart and soul into making amends for ??--absolutely nothing you've done wrong. You are correct with this, "I am extremely hurt by my hubby's lack of boundary setting all these years. He has consistently put me in a position to be victimized by his Ex, and now, his children." As soon as they brought your name up, your husband should have told them "that is my wife, and I will not be involved in any ill conversation regarding her." Then, he should have asked if they had anything else to discuss, and if not, hung up. My God, it is almost like they think they can control you and your husband's relationship, and he (and you) lets them!!!

I agree with all of the others that you need to disengage. I would see a counselor alone, one who gets step- situations and one certified in marriage and family counseling, and decide what I want to do. And I want to emphasize the word "I" here. No one in this family seems to care about you and you are clearly the scapegoat. Your DH has some big issues as well--what the Hell is he doing still even listening to his ex- much less letting her control anything he does. His kids are adults! He is no longer married to her. He should have little to nothing to do with her. Re: the kids, he can decide if he wants a relationship with them on his own. Take care of yourself! I was in a similar situation about a year or so ago, and believe me, I am now really learning to look out for myself and if that means being a bitch, I will be a bitch.