All of the awkward, wtf mom and dad?
My parents had my xh and his girlfriend and our children over for dinner Sunday because she missed the kids and it was his weekend with them. My mom regularly talks to xh on the phone even though I've asked her not to repeatedly. Completely inappropriate right? My xh suffered from PTSD for 90% of our marriage and was verbally and sometimes physically abusive towards me. Everything is fine now, he's been getting treatment for a couple of years now so the safety of my children isn't an issue while in his care. BUT, My parents don't understand why having him over and talking to him bothers me. He and I even get along fine now, but I'm very happy now and I don't want my parents heavily involved with him or talking about my life to him. This man traumatized their daughter and they don't see any issue with keeping him around. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
Yesterday my youngest broke his arm at school so I met xh at the hospital( he was 30 mins closer to the school and could pick him up quicker) then his gf shows up, no big deal. So my bf shows up, also no big deal...then both of his parents show up(they have been divorced since xh was a kid). My bf stayed with me as long as he could before he had to get his kids and I was left with all of xh's people. They all acted like I wasn't even there, and they know his previous history of PTSD and abuse. How is it my parents treat him like nothings wrong and his treat me like I don't exist. What gives here? I feel like I'm not asking much for my parents not to make it a point to talk to my ex. I'm glad they are able to overlook things for the kids, but why don't my feelings matter.
Basically, I'd say his
Basically, I'd say his parents and new family are "normal"- as in they recognized that this was an awkward situation and treated you as such... and your parents are abnormal.
I'm sorry... kids Dad or not... if some man knocked my daughter about and beat her, he would never be welcome in my home ever again.
They are definitely more into
They are definitely more into seeing their grandkids than they are giving a crap about my feelings. I really don't care how his parents treat me, but just as an example of how totally different it is between the families and I consider how they treat me as "to be expected" and normal...not so much with my parents. My mom is definitely very overbearing with my kids and it drives me crazy, now I've got her and overbearing, kidless, xh's gf together in the same place, jesus. I'm a great mom hands down and I don't need parenting help from either of them. They both seem to think they are entitled to it and they aren't. They seem to think they are in the right here and if it means silent treatment they will realize they aren't. It's just annoying and both SO and I are just baffled at how I'm anything but the victim this scenario.
Geez, that is so
Geez, that is so disrespectful of your parents. I get wanting to see the grandkids but seriously.
My own sister thought she was going to bring her wife beating EX-husband (AFTER they were divorced) to my dad's house for Christmas one year (due to a weird circumstance). "Um, I don't think so", said my dad.
My dad is a nice, respectful person but he is not going to open his home to someone who did something like that to his kid.
As for your ex's parents, a little civility would not hurt. It's possible they just don't know how to be around you, after what their son put you through.
My in-laws used to have DH's
My in-laws used to have DH's ex-gf visit them at their home after we married. It was weird! There were no kids involved either. I finally asked MIL to stop because Ex-gf (whom I never met) was sending hate emails to DH and mocking our wedding pictures that my in-laws had out. I can't believe I had to tell MIL that it was awkward. They even requested DH tell his ex-gf that we were getting married after we got engaged! DH didn't discuss our marriage with BM (whom he was formerly married to and had a kid with) but he had to tell his ex-gf??
I'm sorry, OP. Your situation sounds very uncomfortable and wrong.
My in-laws have zero
My in-laws have zero boundaries when it comes to their children's exes. MIL and FIL no longer speak to DH, but you can bet they kiss BM's ass now that she has full control of the skids. No skids=no use for DH. They also include their daughter's ex in everything: family dinners, holidays, vacations, everything. SIL is absolutely fine with this. I wonder why they bothered with the divorce.
Believe me all I want to do
Believe me all I want to do it put it behind me, I'm very happy, I've been to counseling to sort myself out and that chapter is over. It just feels like a slap in the face given what I've been through to have my parents be ok with it. It *feels* like they are siding with him, like now that I'm not under his control do I really have to relinquish control of what makes me uncomfortable in my own immediate family?
I talked to my mom today and she seems to get that I'm not asking her to never speak to him or be mean and create drama. I like that they are making nice for the kids...within reasonable boundaries. I'm really hoping our heart-to-heart means I can be done talking about this. Xh and I get along just fine, I'm happy, SO would never in a million years put a hand on me and I want to finally live the happy life I deserve.
I feel for you. DHs parents
I feel for you. DHs parents hated BM. She was a cheater with DH best friend and had a kid with him. How about my MIL not only loves BM now but fawns all over BM and ex best friends kid? More than over mine and DH kid? We went 3 years without seeing inlaws and recently just visited and MIL ignored my oldest because her and SD22 had an argument awhile back and SD no longer talks to any of us because DH "wasnt there for her" blah blah.
These are my inlaws and it hurts me. I cant imagine how you must feel...At least they seem to love your kids I guess? But totally inappropriate and insensitive to you. Wheres their loyalty?