Im step away of moving out on the street with my son
Hi,
I wrote here few months ago, situation got worse..
SS 7yo threw scissors few feet near my 10mo son. NOONE SAID A THING TO HIM!!!
Short story..i live with my husband,10mo son,17yo SS and mother and father in law.
7yo SS comes here all the time, when he wants and how log he wants. Mom (ex) has new guy and a child with him. They have their house and 7yo SS never goes there even though court ordered him to his mom! She leaves him at her moms house when hes not here and ocassionally visits him. Husband sister (she cant have kids) thinks 16yo and 7yo SSs are hers. She is mentally sick. And comes every day in our house. Buys everything they want and if hey hear words NO AND YOU CANT they hit them and yell and throw stuff. Especially 7yo SS.
My husband is not speaking withe me for 2months now because i said 7yo SS behaves horriblly.
Noone says anything to him ever. I said to my husband that he threw scissors at our baby and he said nothing. His ex SUED them all for money, and when his sister went to testify she didnt say a thing because "WHAT IF SHE SAYS SOMETHING AND EX WONT LET 7YO SS TO OUR HOUSE IF SHE TESTIFIES AGAINST HER" !!!!! SO EX WILL PROBABLY WINAND I WILL HAVE TO TAKE MONEY FROM MY SONS MOUTH TO PAY IT!!! His sister never gets anyhing for my son. Savings accounts have both SS and my doesnt get evem a toy.
And now, my maternity leave ends in a month. Husband says i have to go to work because we will need the money. I have nowhere to leave my son except with mother in law and scissor SS.
AND O CERTAINLY WONT DO THAT.
i have nowhere else to go and no money no job.
I see no way out except just pack my son and go on the street. And then they will take him away.
what to do..what?? 
We dont have shelters except
We dont have shelters except if there is proven abuse... im from Croatia
oh and living with parents is normal here..in most cases is like that.
Where are you parents,
Where are you parents, siblings....?
I cant get a daycare its full
I cant get a daycare its full and we only have 1.
parents..i have a stepdad who believes in marriage and that everything can fix itself.
Got 2 sisters but still in school..
i want to save up but in Croatia is almost impossible to get a job where you can actually save up anything.
church 0 points here.
Even if i get a daycare there
Even if i get a daycare there is no way i can get morning shift only. So he will still have to stay with them.
I moved 300km away from my
I moved 300km away from my hometown and lost all friends. I dont know anyone in this town and everyone knows my husband.. small town and if i say anyhing im scared..
I do want to leave from that,
I do want to leave from that, more than anything but i dont know where. SServices will take him if i wont provide him with a home and basic stuff. And husband has everything. A house a job and parents. I have noone.
If You find the job and the
If You find the job and the apartment, social services will live You alone.. It takes time but, the court in Croatia is still on women's side. And court takes forever to establish visitations for fathers!!
There is lot of safe houses
There is lot of safe houses in Croatia for abused women.. but women feel defeated even before starting to fight because of job market
And she has to be in physical danger to be accepted there ( medical history, court documents)..
I cant even explain how bad
I cant even explain how bad is it here in Croatia..you cant imagine.
i will never forgive myself I came back here from the UK.
and yes..im stuck indeed. I would grow a spine but it breaks every time i try something.
im sick of standing up over and over again. He will never be a parent to them because i quote: "they had traumas because of divorce they dont need more"
I cant even explain how bad
I cant even explain how bad is it here in Croatia..you cant imagine.
i will never forgive myself I came back here from the UK.
and yes..im stuck indeed. I would grow a spine but it breaks every time i try something.
im sick of standing up over and over again. He will never be a parent to them because i quote: "they had traumas because of divorce they dont need more"
No,Im an idiot. If i stayed
No,Im an idiot. If i stayed there for one more month i would get their citizenship..
i really made a lot of bad decisions and now my baby suffers because of them.
Well pull yourself up by the
Well pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Sorry, you're someone's mom now, make it happen. Sometimes I get so frustrated with other women!! :O You GOT yourself into this situation, therefore you can GET yourself out of this situation.
Whatever you do, make dead
Whatever you do, make dead certain there is not a second baby born to this man. Personally, if he can't speak to me I can't sleep with him but you may not find that so easy. Just do not conceive another child.
What would happen if you started divorce proceedings? Would courts enforce child support and possibly spousal support for you? If so, do it like yesterday. Then start on a path of employment after that.
Im not having another child
Im not having another child with him for sure.
We're not even sleeping in the same room and thats fine with me.
yes I got myself into that, its not so easy to get out of it.
would be much easier with job or at least somewhere to go.
im at my moms for 2 weeks, thinking about not coming back at all but
no way out at the moment...
What a sucky situation. Has
What a sucky situation. Has DH checked ss7 for the mark of the beast }:) The crap step parents have to deal with is unreal. I wish I had some helpful advice, just really sorry you're in such a bind.
He said ss7 is his favourite
He said ss7 is his favourite son..
imagine that.
Yes..he really said that.
My stepdad doesnt agree with
My stepdad doesnt agree with it and its his house. Thats the problem.
And my dh will come and get me back.
Loosing hope anyway..thank you all for advices..
I never had a dad so I wanted
I never had a dad so I wanted for my son to have one. Thats why Im questioning myself so much.
And about him coming back..as I said..his situation is much more better in the eyes of social services than mine.
problem is that i dont know my rights..im just scared i will loose my son.
Scissor incident..I was the only one who shouted at him and then I got "the looks" and silent treatment from everyone
I dont know how to explain how discusting and helpless I felt.
noone says anything to him because I quote "if we say or yell he wont come here anymore or his mom wont let him".
You're a grown ass woman, not
You're a grown ass woman, not a child. If you leave, your husband can't go and get you against your will.
As hard as it will be, you
As hard as it will be, you will have to start speaking up for yourself and your child. When SS is there (sounds like all the time) keep your baby close to you and verbalize your fear of SS hurting your child if he takes a step near you!. You are legally married? Then your DH must protect you and your son or he can be in trouble for allowing this abuse, I am not from Croatia but have lived in the EU for many years and I don't think its much different there. Not sure. Allowing a 7 year old to throw a scissors at a baby IS abuse, whether your husband agrees or not. If it were me I would go to the authorities, yes even the police to say that your baby is in an abusive situation. Ask the local community welfare officer or the equivalent of social services. Croatia is in the EU since 2013. Tell them the full story and that you are in fear of your child being hurt by another child who is not being parented. Try to go without your husband knowing, they may want to speak to him but at least you will have this abuse documented somewhere and can start to stand up for yourself. Getting a job is the ideal but of course you cannot leave your baby in this abusive situation. The EU has excellent funds for single mothers, see what the welfare officer says. Even if you have to travel by bus to the nearest larger town, take this in small reachable goals. Right now it sounds overwhelming so break it down into little actions that you can do day-by-day. You are truly only stuck if you allow yourself to be. Ok you wont have much money but honey, my years in the EU I saw so many single mothers who were given lots of help and even housing for them and their children. I was a widow and was offered 1200 euro per month PLUS a house to live in. But first you MUST have the abuse documented and even if you have to sit in the welfare office and refuse to leave, that is what I would do. They will be obliged to keep you and your child safe. Be Strong, you can do this.
http://www.nationalaffairs.com/public_interest/detail/what-europe-does-f...
I talked with my mom and sdad
I talked with my mom and sdad and they dont agree with me staying. Actually my mom does but
sdad doesnt because "child needs to be with both parents"
You are absolutely right
You are absolutely right Cookies, I do act as a helpless victim.
I just dont know where to start. Thank you all for trying to help.
its kinda sad that unknown people offered more advices than people i know in real life.
Which is your nearest
Which is your nearest airport? Get your mother to help you pay for a ticket back to the UK. Surely you have friends there that may help? Otherwise, you speak English - get yourself to the nearest Women's Shelter as soon as you get off the plane. You know they will not leave you on the street with a baby.
Call your husband, tell him (and your idiot stepfather) that the baby has a temperature and you'll stay with your mother for a couple more days so that he "doesn't pass a bug onto the other kids". Then use that time to get out.