What to do with evil 7 yr old SD
HELP!!! My SD is evil!
I am new to this forum but am so glad to know that I am not alone as a SM in the world of evil step kids! My husband and I had fought for 3 years to gain custody of his now 7 turning 8 yr old daughter, we finally won and she moved in 12/2014 and life as we know it has went straight to hell!!! The SD is a child from hell and that is no joke! She has told me she doesn't want me here with her and her dad, she lies like it's her job, and she is very manipulative, and narcissistic! Her dad sees it but says "oh she's only 7" and "it's not her fault she doesn't know what she is doing" BULLSHIT she doesn't know! She knows exactly what she is doing. I have 3 children of my own who are grown and never ever at the age of 7/8 disrespected anyone, for any reason or they knew their asses were grass and I was the lawn mower, but not in this situation. Every time he is gone which is of course daily as he works, but he works 70-80 hours a week leaving me to raise this demon spawn who is not even my problem in my opinion, but while he's gone she is mouthy, she lies about anything and everything and the lies are instant which means she is a pro at it, she will not do anything I ask or tell her to do that her dad has also told her to do until it is 5 minutes before "daddy" gets home then she'll bust her ass to make it seem as though she has been a little angel while he's been gone. She goes to our neighbors house to play and is literally "kicked out" of their home because she is jumping on their furniture and would not listen when told to stop so they opened their door and told her "to get out now!" There were no consequences from her dad. I grounded her to her room, took her tv and all electronics but when my back is turned he gives her, her tv, he allows her to play, he lets her go outside, he lets her come out of her room and goof off, in my opinion that is just sending her the message that "don't worry when daddy gets home I will baby you and allow you to do what you are not supposed to be doing." She turns the tears on when daddy gets home and starts asking why she did this and why she did that, she says "I didn't do that" or "I didn't say that" I am to the point that I cannot stand to see her face or even hear her voice! When she gets home from school I go to my room and stay there for most of the night or find a reason to leave because I just cannot handle it anymore. I am ready to move out and get my own residence just to get away from her!! I love my husband more than anything but his actions or lack there of does nothing but tells her that what she is doing is "ok"! Does it ever stop or get better?
I'm sorry it will never stop
I'm sorry it will never stop or get better. May i suggest you install a webcam and record everything she does as record because most of the time the court will take children word over adult. Once liar always a liar.
Protect yourself and your children. If you DH want to raise a monster let him. She's not yours and never will. Don't waster your time. I know it sounds cold but it's reality. She will never appreciate anything you do for her except resentment and hatred.
Best of luck.
A.
Thank you. You are absolutely
Thank you.
You are absolutely right she doesn't appreciate anything I do for her, and believe me before I had, had enough a few weeks ago I did everything under the sun for her. Every time I went to the store I got her something, I always made sure she had the best shoes,clothes etc., but she would just turn around and kick me in the teeth for it so now I do absolutely NOTHING! I cook supper her dad makes her plate, her dad does her laundry and everything.. I have completely removed myself from the situation and refuse to even be in the same room as her. He says she will change but she she has only gotten worse.
No I have a problem with the
No I have a problem with the SD! She knows how to play the game of lies and pitting her father and I against each other, manipulating and causing trouble! My husband had no choice but to work that many hours a week we had over $100,000 in attorney fees fighting for custody alone. I exploded on him a few weeks ago and told him he had to be home, and he has done just that every since BUT that does not stop the chaos, the lies, the games, the laziness, the manipulating and does not stop her from playing the innocent angel. The minute he walks out the door she is a completely different kid, and therefore when he leaves she goes too unless he is going to work but none of that solves the issues at hand which are, she knows exactly what she is doing and she likes the wedge that is put between her father and I until the real truth comes out and then she is the crying innocent angel!
Based on what you posted,
Based on what you posted, your husband is the problem.
Your husband has made it crystal clear that she doesn't have to listen to or respect you. She is just doing what he allows her to do.
He's the problem.
How can you say the problem
How can you say the problem is not your DH when you post this:
There were no consequences from her dad. I grounded her to her room, took her tv and all electronics but when my back is turned he gives her, her tv, he allows her to play, he lets her go outside, he lets her come out of her room and goof off, in my opinion that is just sending her the message that "don't worry when daddy gets home I will baby you and allow you to do what you are not supposed to be doing."
How can she know what she is doing is wrong when by his actions your DH is not telling her? You may have a problem with SD - but the problem exists because of your DH.
Great advice. If you have any
Great advice. If you have any hope of changing anything you'll do this.
Be prepared for DH to be angry, he wants to believe her and seeing the truth will make him angry with you for showing it to him, not her for doing it. Kind of like telling an acquaintance that her husband is cheating, they get angry with you not the cheater.
Same with SD, she'll lose it in a big way, and it will all be your fault.
true, kill the messenger.
true, kill the messenger.
Thank you for the advice! I
Thank you for the advice! I have a webcam hooked up and I am definitely taking her electronics out of her room and and I don't care what anyone thinks about it!
Your DH is telling her you
Your DH is telling her you are not to be respected by undermining your authority . DH is your problem. If he won't back you he needs to make other arrangements for SD while he is working. If he is not on your side - you will always have problems and i will get far worse when she becomes a teen.
Thank you all. I see what my
Thank you all. I see what my DH does and I also see what my SD does. I agree that he hinders her behavior by babying her and letting her off of the punishment that I gave her which says to her that she doesn't have to listen to me, but honestly she was this way when she got here, she has never had any structure or punishment with her bio mom she was always allowed to act like a wild animal, never had a stable home, had multiple "dads" in just a 3 year period and more than 20 different residences that we know of so once we got her we thought that her being in a stable home with all of the nice things that kids want, and a family that loves her, but it is just steadily getting worse as we go along. I do blame my DH and we argue about it at least once a week and he'll start to act like he is going to back me and I am right in punishing SD but he just goes behind my back and undoes it. What the hell do I do about him? He says he backs me, and tells SD that she is to listen to me and blah blah blah but I guess he is just blowing hot air and I should have learned by the way he allowed his oldest, my SS to treat me two years ago after losing our baby... SS told me he was going to punch me in the mouth, and that I killed my baby which I had no idea I was even pregnant. I stood up for myself and kicked the asshole SS out after an in your face confrontation with him only to find out later that DH was going behind my back for a year talking to him and giving him money. Will any of this ever change? I have no doubt that my DH loves me but it appears that his fear of pissing the kids off outweighs his love for me and our marriage.. why does having step kids have to be pure hell? Thank you all for you comments and as hard as it was to admit and even though I already knew it, you are all correct in saying the my DH is a huge part of the problem with the SD.
I have been seriously
I have been seriously considering up and leaving without saying a word. If it takes us living apart to get the message through then it does.. if it takes us splitting/divorcing then it was not meant to be! I raised my 3 kids on my own and they are grown now, no way am I going to raise someone else's kids that could give two shits less about how I feel or how I am being treated by their satan spawns!
Personally, I would be having
Personally, I would be having a sit down with your DH and saying look I understand you have to work a stupidly high amount of hours and that means you are leaving me with SD but her behaviour without you here has steadily worsened to the state that I am struggling to deal with her. So either you make it crystal clear to SD to listen and respect and you back me up, or you will have to find alternative child care arrangements.
If SD has never had structure and always been allowed to rule the roost then ofcourse its going to be more difficult and you will essentially have to go back to basics. Make some rules, shes old enough to be able to read lists, agree with your DH about the more serious behaviours you need stopping (swearing, jumping on furniture etc) and agree on consequences for those.
You are going to need to invest a bit of time with DH to do this before you sit down together with SD, but at that point let him do the majority of the talking.
Then if he still screws up and doesnt back you and you are at the end of your rope, move out. Like you say, if this is what it takes to break you then he isnt the man you had thought him to be, because the right one will move mountains for you.
I think I would get a job so
I think I would get a job so I wouldn't have to deal with the brat. Enroll her in after school care then have DH pick her up. Just wondering why DH would fight for 3 years to get a young child that he is unable to parent full time? It would make more sense if he had her on weekends, holidays and the days he has off.
Tell your h you can't watch
Tell your h you can't watch her anymore without him present. Record her behavior for your benefit.
Your DH is treating your SD
Your DH is treating your SD like a mini-wife...placing her feelings and opinions above yours. YES, it is his fault, but it is also her fault. I am not among the crowd here that thinks kids have no fault. They absolutely know what they are doing at seven and it will only get worse as she gets older and more able to manipulate.
Your husband should put a stop to it, but it is going to take some convincing to get him to see that what she is doing is wrong and he is setting your marriage up for failure. In the meantime, teach the little hellion that she will respect you or she will damn well regret it. My husband had a mini-wife for a time...she was 11 when I put my foot down (you can read back on some of my blogs for my story) but even when my DH wouldn't correct her behavior, I did. She learned to respect me when she would respect nobody else.
I wish you the best. You have your work cut out for you.