I think it's a smart thing for him to wear a rubber ring at work. Much safer, and certainly less costly if it got lost or mangled.

I wear a "stand in" ring when I'm at work, and DH doesn't seem to care at all. I wash my hands a million times a day and am constantly putting on/taking off nitrile gloves. I'd HATE to lose my "real" ring while doing all that, so I don't wear it to work.

Ok - here is my persepective - and I was a police dispatcher for 16 years. He needs to wear your real wedding ring when he isn't on duty! It's a small concession for a woman that puts up with alot and it doesn't cost him anything to do it but would make you considerable happier. It's something he does have control over where he may not have control over unexpected court, additional training, a constant barrage of phone calls, and dates where your back is to the door and he's constantly watching who is coming in and going out. And I never met any cop that wore a rubber ring. and I have met plenty. Also 90 percent of the cops I've met and worked with were cheaters. I've been hit on and asked for extra-maritial affairs by countless cops and deputies. The profession leaves much to be desired in the fidelty department. You can take the ugliest loser guy in the world and put him in a police uniform and give him a gun, and all the sudden women will find him attractive and want him. We used to call these women holister hoochies and badge bunnies. They are everywhere. He can wear the rubber ring at work BUT I say you are in the right and he should wear the real thing when he isn't at work.

But you wear it at home or when you are out? I bet you do so the OP is upset cause her H isn't switching bands as to him it's no big deal and probably hates being told what to do by a woman and instead of trying to understand his wife's oerspective, like most Neanderthal men, they dismiss his SOs feelings.

I do get where you are coming from but I also think one thing is overlapping the other. The ring thing is just ONE MORE THING that makes you feel second to his job. If not for all of the other things, this might not bother you so much.

Also remember, men are usually not as sentimental about stuff like that or they have double standards. I say that because I wanted to buy an "extra" set of wedding rings for myself (just cubic zirconia) in a silver setting to wear when I wear my silver rings. Oh no, DH did not want that. Those were not the rings HE bought for me. Whatever (I didn't buy an extra set).

But DH does not wear his ring to work (which I agree with) and when he's not at work, sometimes he wears it and sometimes he doesn't. I, on the other hand, have mine on any time I leave the house.

He just told me, the only reason he doesn't wear it all of the time (when he's not at work) is because he's just not used to having it on and doesn't think about it.

So, I told him about your post because he asked me if it bothers me that he doesn't wear his ring often and he said your DH is probably just used to the rubber one and leaving it on is easier than switching back and forth. He says, if you know your DH's heart is true, don't worry about it too much.

If it were me, I would probably want him wearing the real thing when went out together, at least.

ExH and I were both military. Wearing our rings during work posed a serious hazard to our fingers, because things could get caught on the rings on accident and rip our fingers off. So we started off not wearing them to work, and putting them back on when we came home. Which honestly became a pain in the butt. He started wearing his on his dog tags so that he had it with him all the time. I was in a similar line of work to your DH, so having any sort of thing around my neck was a hazard at work. It honestly became easier to just leave my rings on my dresser, and only wear them when I dressed up for certain events.

Yes, I know he's an ex, but the marriage didn't fall apart because we weren't wearing our rings. A piece of jewelry isn't what makes a marriage. He's wearing another ring, one that will keep him safe at work. He's being considerate to you in keeping a band around his finger at all times. He could just not wear anything at all. If he wears a necklace to work (some officers do) ask him to put his ring on that. That way he still has it with him.

In certain careers, the family will always come second. Military, police, firefighters, EMS, all of these require a dedication to the job and an availability at any moment. It's not an easy line of work, and it's most definitely one of the most difficult relationships to be in. It may sound harsh, but members of these lines of service hang out with their buddies so much because they understand each other. They've been through things together that their SO's, families, and other friends just cannot comprehend unless they are in the same line of work.

If him having his ring is super important to you, talk to him about other ways he could wear his wedding band safely. On a necklace, an anklet (takes a little to get used to, especially in tactical boots, but I knew a few guys who did it), protected on his keychain or wallet. Compromise on an idea.

Can you find a nice/special rubber ring that you like and buy it for him, perhaps for a special occasion like your next anniversary and then make a little ceremony out of giving it to him and putting it on his finger?

Would something like that make you feel better?

I don't really know if you are being overly sensitive. For me symbols have little meaning. My husband doesn't wear a ring. I did make him a special gift and gave it to him at our wedding, but he doesn't wear that either. I don't care, it doesn't bother me at all, I know he is my husband, that is all that matters for me. However I know he likes that I wear my wedding ring and if I weren't to wear it I think he would be upset. (I also like wearing my ring!)

I dated a cop before I married my DH. DH hasn't worn a ring in over 10 years. Has he cheated, yeah, probably. I ordered him a ring a few weeks ago, and shocked the shit right out of him. He hasn't taken it off his finger since it came in.

It is hard being with a man in a dangerous profession. My DH was a flight engineer in the USAF. He deployed multiple times before we had our kids and after. Wasn't fun. He did not wear a ring then because he ran the hoist and it was a safety risk.

I understand your ring frustration. Men in uniforms carry a certain kind of "hot" that others don't. Tell him what you are feeling. He will understand. To this day, I wear my DH's original wedding band on my index finger. I think I've worn it more than he did, but it is my connection to him. He thinks it's kind of cute, but it is more of a reminder to me that I have a stable relationship.

When DH and I were getting married he told me that he might not wear a ring all the time and would that bother me. My dad didn't wear his ring (and was a non cheating homebody) so it was not a big deal to me at all.

DH wears his ring 100% of the time. Me - only on occasion. And the one I wear is not the one I was married with.

I was a firefighter for 12 years, and always wore my rings even though I knew it was a risk of injury. Now I train horses, and I only wear my band, even though that is still a risk and I've had a few close calls.

But really... it's just a ring. It's not a "symbol of your love" and it doesn't mean anything about your relationship.

I understand that you feel second. I think you should address the real problem, and let the ring stop being your scapegoat.

I was a police dispatcher for over 20 years and both my ex-husbands are cops. One worked the street and didn't wear his ring at work. The other was a detective and did wear his ring. He was also the one who left me for another woman. Neither marriage broke up because they were cops - although being a cop made it easier for the second to cheat as he could always say he had to work late.

I realize your question wasn't really about fidelity. I do think you are over reacting, but I'm not big on symbols. I think your real concern is that you feel like you come in last in your DH's list of priorities and the ring is a symbol of that frustration. He should be able to switch the rings. However, I can see where it would be very easy to forget. Would he be cool if you reminded him when he does forget?

My brother-in-law is a cop who works the street and is on the SWAT team. He does not get called out nearly as often as your DH. He also puts his family first over his job. He leaves work at the door when he goes home. Does your DH have to take all the calls that come in - or is he just doing it for the overtime?

I'm guessing here - but is your DH young? In my experience younger officers tend to eat, breath and sleep police work. They also go out with their buddies a great deal in order to "talk shop." They tend to out grow it. It is not unreasonable for you to expect your DH to put you in front of his work. Just because he is a cop does not mean you can't come first.

Does his department have any support systems for spouses? Some big agencies do. If not, I bet you could find a forum on line that might be able to provide you a place to vent or get suggestions on how to deal.

The ring concern is valid - goggle "ring avulsion" - it is pretty graphic.

Sending you hugs - it can be a difficult way of life.

I have more than a few police officers in our family.. They do NOT wear their wedding rings or keep personal items in their cars.. This goes for the female officers also.. When my ex was a training officer he would tell the new guys not to wear them and not to have their wallets with their drivers liscense on them and no pics of the wife and kids in the car... Some people they arrest can hold a grudge.. But they all wear them at home... And the have all been police now for over 15 years...

As others have mentioned, it seems like the ring is just another "thing" that has pilled on that you do not like.

Yes there are certain professions that are incredibly demanding, even more so if you SO is actually GOOD at their job. However we live in a modern world and unfortunately you often find what starts off as someone trying to be helpful, being that bit flexible for their job ends up being taken advantage of.

It seems to me that you guys need to have a sit down together and calmly talk about your frustrations with not being able to enjoy much of a home life together recently. Explain it to him like you did here (just be cautious of phrases like "your more married to your job than me" keep it calm, keep the accusations out of it. If he feels he has to defend his job then your just going to be pinned as the wife that just doesnt get it)
But actually have a conversation with him about work, whats going on, is there a reason why he is always answering work calls? Overtime? Looking for a promotion? Other officers sick/going through home life issues? Is he trying to pick up the slack for someone else? There could be very genuine, totally reasonable explanations for it. But you will never hear them if you dont have the right conversation.
If hes doing it in for any of the above or similar reasons then talk about it, yes you can understand and accept that BUT it is getting very intrusive for your home life and you are really missing the days where you had a bit of time together.

Try to get him round to switching his phone off whilst you go to the cinema together, or out together. Naturally not when hes on call but no single officer is on call ALL THE TIME. Build it in baby steps, when hes on call there is nothing you can do about it, but its these extra occassions that are causing the issue. Make the time to do some fun stuff together, little dates, getting the focus back on you as a couple.
Build it up from that to turning it off for an entire evening, just in the beginning make sure each time its off hes engaged in other things else he will just be worrying about if hes missing calls.

As for the ring, if its a health and safety risk I do get it. Im a cook, Im not meant to wear my engagement ring in the kitchen but I do, because to me wearing the ring is really important. My co workers dont bother, one of them had a similar view point as me so got a ring tattoo. It has been discussed and I have stated I am not comfortable taking the ring off, theres no safe place to put it and Im not having my enagement ring sitting at home 6 days a week because im working. It will be the same for my wedding ring. Not supposed to wear necklaces either (not for health and safety but general boss dislike)
The agreement currently is, I can wear my ring but as/when/if we have an inspection I need to get rid of the ring before its spotted. I can imagine if its a close call or Im caught out my boss will insist that I dont wear it to work, so far its not been an issue, if it becomes an issue I will have to get a ring tattoo (getting married in the new year)
My point is, I can see why he may have started wearing the ring then been advised not to.

And whilst yes, there is always a more unsavory reason your husband may be acting in the way he is. But call me an optimist, Id hope for the good reasons. At the end of the day, people tend to find their gut instinct pretty accurate as to whether their spouse is cheating

It sounds as though the rubber ring is more a symbol for your feelings of being second to the job. I am not minimizing that, sounds like a tough way to live. If a man wants to cheat he will, regardless of a ring. They are easy to take off, rubber or gold! Perhaps a chat with him about how you feel second to his job and that it's important to you to have one date night now and then without interruptions.