It is finally over (Pretty much just a vent)
After three years of trying to hold together a family, it finally came to a halt last week and I feel completely relieved.
I (34) had three stepchildren, two boys (15/13) and a girl (5) and genuinely cared for them. There was no father, as he had passed away early. My wife (36) went through anxiety issues/depression and I ended up taking on even more responsibilities with the kids. Throughout all of this, our finances were drained with imaginary medical conditions for her. A side effect of this became that I had to move money around to even pay the bills, now that the divorce is happening, I keep getting all kinds of grief that I payed for my car out of "her" account, even though, every week, the groceries came out of "my" account (aka "ours"). I also paid for their sports and drove them there, with her staying home. We also grew apart through all of this, with the anxiety not even allowing her to share a bed with me. I ended up feeling like I was completely taken advantage of, just a live in father for the kids with no benefits.
I was the one disciplining the kids, there was always tension in the house and it seems like she could care less what they were doing as long as they weren't bothering her. Because of this, the two boys acted out, and refused to even follow the simplest requests. In turn, I became more and more aggravated at every issue, because it was the same story over and over. Fast forward a year, things are as bad as ever (although the 15 year old has turned from a d/f student to a b/c student).
Instead of just saying, this isn't working, and going our separate ways amicably, it has been nothing but hateful venomous texts. She claims no fault in any of this, just me being an asshole. I'm so glad to be rid of an unappreciative wife and responsibility that I took on because it was the right thing to do.
^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^ It's hard, I
^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^
It's hard, I know.
It was probably hard to get out, to think about the decision to get out, and the actual leaving.
Good Luck
also
Don't let guilt get you down.
You have to take care of you, or else, who is going to take care of the rest?
Remember that when everyone tells you you are heartless.
You are not.
CONGRATUALTIONS! for real
Congratulations on taking
Congratulations on taking your freedom and my condolences on the demise of your marriage.
Though many of us Sparents enter into our marriages with complete intent to be an equity parent to any kids in our marital home when our partners abdicate their responsibilities as a parent or worse... prioritize their prior relationship spawn above their spouse and marriage it is usually just a matter of time before the marriage ends.
Your STBXW failed in her commitment to your marriage and to be your equity life partner. Not your fault. Her toxic crap over the demise of the marriage is all the proof you needed to prove her failure as an equity partner.
My first marriage blessedly ended and fortunately there were no children produced. She was pregnant when we divorced ... not my spawn though. It was kind of impossible for her to pregnant since it had been 8mos since we were last intimate. A divorce was the best gift she ever gave me. No doubt the same is true of your STBXW.
Good luck on the new phase of your life adventure and take care of yourself. Make sure the next SO does not have the toxic character and toxic baggage of this one. Count yourself lucky that the kids stay with their mom and you will not be cursed to have a to raise a joint child with this toxic woman.
Thanks for all of the kind
Thanks for all of the kind words. Can't wait to start again, this place really helped me get through hard times, even just as a lurker.
It sounds like she is a
It sounds like she is a perpetual victim, whether to a variety of illnesses or the bad luck of a relationship gone sour. You will be blamed for everything as nothing could ever be her fault. I'm so glad to hear that you can walk away from this cleanly without any of your own kids connecting you to her for a lifetime. Enjoy your freedom.
Welcome to the next adventure
Welcome to the next adventure in your Life. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, but Jeez ... your DW sounds like a piece of work.
Hmm passive/aggressive
Hmm passive/aggressive methinks? And the 'aggressive' bit is rearing her ugly head?
Like a lot of women who think they have all the answers and expect to be waited on they find out they have to grow up and take care of things for themselves. Which makes the true character show.
Keep cool and do NOT engage in her wicked ways. She may be setting you up to blow and then her attorney will accuse you of violence etc. Just respond (if at all) with "I am sorry you see things like that because that isn't the way things were." Done.
Take your time. Don't rush into a new relationship. I suspect those boys may still need you.