I dunno, you sound pretty "done", and I don't blame you. You need to put the blame squarely where it belongs though, and that's on your DH, not the kid. Funny thing about kids, they don't come out of the womb knowing crap! Parents actually have to teach them, and your DH is a complete failure. (So is BM, but you don't have to live with her.)

Since I mentioned her though, BM isn't your problem either. One, she's actually SUPPOSED to offer time to Dad if she's not available for her parenting time. It's called Right Of First Refusal. So no, she's not supposed to get "another babysitter". If mom isn't able to take her time with the child, then Dad has first dibs on time with his kid. Now, if he's not discussing it with YOU first, his wife, then again - your problem is your DH.

Maybe you hate the kid, and as long as you don't mistreat him I've actually got no beef with that. But you DO have to recognize that the kid is what his parents make him - so if you hate him that much, yeah, you probably should divorce his father before you grow to hate him too.

My SS was 8 when I met him. I knew right off that I did not like the way he was being parented and the way he acted. He did not live with DH, but I knew it could happen at any time. So I "dated" DH for 7-8 years. I was not going to subject myself to SS, BM and the way DH behaved around them all.

Maybe you should think about doing that. Move a few streets over from your DH and just see him when SS is not really around.

I never realized how many people co-sleep with older children until I came to this site. It disgust me. :sick:

I have BS8. Yes, he can get annoying with the attention seeking at times, but I think at this age they need validation and if they think something is cool, they think everyone else does too - I got him a kite last weekend and after playing a bit here, he insisted on taking it to the park - because he thought everyone else wanted to see it too! If he gets too much, I just tell him to quit it, and he does.

He does things for himself - like getting drinks, snacks, cutting his food. He helps with chores. He will bath himself, however if I want to make sure he actually washes up in the shower or bath I need to physically go in and make sure - he seems convinced the fact he is wet means he is clean.

He can sleep on his own, he does at dads, however often at mine he sleeps in with me. My fault! I am single, and we read in the bed together (he has bunk beds, not comfy!) and often have our most deep conversations in that time. I recognize I could create issues, but I cherish that time, and so does he. I guess if I have a 17 year old still sharing my bed I will know I was wrong!

Hope this insight into another similar age kid helps.

I totally relate. SD was 8 when SO and I began dating. SO and SD slept together (in his bed) every night he had her (50/50 custody). He bathed her. Both of those creeped me out to the max. We moved in together when she was 9. She has never slept a night in this house with him and guess what, she survived. I had her put on a bathing suit for her showers, I taught her how to wash her hair (since SO didn't really know how to teach a girl with long hair), and then I'd leave the room so she could take her bathing suit off and bathe her body. No way in hell was I gonna sit around while SO was touching a naked 9-year-old girl.

SD is now 10 and she's still pretty much as incompetent as when SO and I got together. She CAN do her own laundry now, but SO still pours her milk for her, makes her PB&J sandwiches, and feeds her pretty much straight french fries for dinner every single night. She has no household chores because she can't do anything and SO only makes her shower twice a week. She has no desire to learn to do anything for herself and honestly, I hate the kid and yet I'm the only one who seems to feel sorry for her that she is going to be an 18-year-old one day with no idea how to clean her house or eat anything more than fries (if she ever even learns to bake them herself).

BUT--this is all on your DH (and his ex). I hate my skid too, but I rightly blame her parents for allowing her to have no idea how to do age-appropriate stuff. I disengaged, because trying to get SO to do the right thing by his kid was only making us fight, and why should my relationship with the love of my life suffer just because he didn't want to feed his kid real food? F that, not my nutrition, not my problem.

At the same time, though, SO respected and loved me enough to want me to have peace in my own home--he doesn't let SD interrupt when I'm talking, for example. She still annoys the piss out of me and there's nothing he can do about that short of locking her in her room for 7 days or something, but he wouldn't let SD continue with behavior that made me really uncomfortable, like them sleeping together. You need to draw the line with your DH in places that matter to you--no more interrupting (life lesson that applies to everyone), no more sleeping together (husband and wife alone in marital bed), and so on. Can't stop the kid from asking idiot questions, but you do have a right to be loved and respected and feel a sense of reasonable peace in your home and marriage. Good luck.