Your fiancé needs to go to court and get a court order. She is obviously not a low conflict ex and trying to do things amicably with a mutual agreement in that kind of situation is just begging for trouble. He needs a CO and to document everything if she doesn't follow it then take her to court for contempt.

She treats him this way because she can. She left him for his Father (who he continues to not only be in contact with but to help with home renos???) and he's done Nothing to show her she doesn't hold every card in the deck. You and he sound like you're still trying to make friends with a woman that is treating him like a total doormat and doesn't treat you any better. So change your approach. Go to court, treat her in a businesslike manner and stop trying to be her friend.

Also if she's such a lousy mother as to not take her incredibly ill child to the dr, the thing with the seizures.... Why is he not seeking custody of his kids to get them away from such an unhealthy environment?

You need to stop contacting her. She doesn't ever have to speak to you. Dad needs to take his button to court and get a visitation order in place. Without one she free to do just she wants to do

Are they divorced?

This is some ghetto crap. The new stepdad is the kids' grandfather. BM cheated on dad with his father. Instead of dad cutting his father out of his life, he actually works with him.

Then when granddad needs help with his house, he calls your boyfriend and he's happy to go help out. While dad, granddad and mom are working o the house, SM is watching all of the kids and cooking for everyone.

He hates BM who is causing all sorts of problems, yet he has no problemishes going to her house to spend time with their kids.

This has to be made a joke.

Spending time the kids at her house is not the only option. He could pick them up and spend time with them somewhere else. Why would he want to be friends with a woman who cheated on him WITH HIS FATHER????

He sounds like a man who still has feelings for his ex. Their relationship ended because she left him. BM has the power to cause problems because he allows her to do so.

You could vent an give examples of how bad/awful/annoying you feel and believe BM is. Bottomline? Your BF is allowing it. He's letting her call the shots and accepting her text/phone calls. Honestly? Sounds like the only one who isn't happy in this little family of yours is you.

Yet your profile states you're getting married soon. Perhaps until your BF takes you and your concerns/feels seriously , gets a CO with a regular schedule and agreements between the two parents, why would you even think about walking down the aisle and tying yourself to all this?

He's not friends with her - he is her doormat. He can want to co parent until the end of time but she's not complying. She's doing exactly what she wants, your fiancé be damned.

Until he grows a spine none of this will get better and will likely get much worse. She insults you because she can. You are nothing to her and she knows he won't stand up to her. So you have zero standing. You can get upset about how she treats you but it's not going to change, there's no incentive for her to behave differently. Unless your guy changes his way of dealing with her or you leave him, I'd say you better get used to it.

The kids who aren't receiving proper medical care, who are being kept from him, who are being subjected to hearing trash talk from their mom.... Yeah I totally get why he thinks this is working. I get being civil. Civil is a great goal. But she isn't civil. So what he's being is a pussy. If he really wants best for his kids then he needs to take her to court and stop being her puppet and showing his kids that he isn't worthy of respect. That he isn't willing to fight for them.

It still strikes me as either fear or laziness though the previous posters suggestion that he still has feelings for her could be valid. It's pretty astonishing that he'd still be dancing to her tune after she screwed his Father. But then I also don't understand how he could keep working with his dad when dad screwed the mother of his kids. Or how you can respect a guy that is willing to just go along with his dad and his ex's requests after that.

FACT. There will be no peace with this woman

FACT. Being a doormat for the sake of the kids does no one any good. It just teaches the kids they can also be disrespectful and rude to you guys.

FACT if dh keeps being a doormat he will lose you.

Let me get this straight. You are looking for advice from someone who has been through haveing their wife cheat on them with their own father who is now not only the grandfather of the Skids but also their step father? :? :jawdrop: :sick:

Your FDH needs to grab a big handfull of balls and deal with both his toxic XW and his completely devoid of character idiot father.

Get to court, get a custody/visitation order and start to keep his foot up his disgusting pig of an XW's ass and run his own father out of the state on a meat truck..... already butchered.

Until he has a court order XW can play him anyway she wants and lead him around by the short and curlies.

As for being friends with your FDH's XW, why the FUCK would you want to be friends with such a disgusting adulterous whore who is screwing her own children's grandfather? :sick:

The only way your DH will be able to keep the peace and protect the best interests of his children is to destroy his X. The foundation for that is a court order. That his X is screwing his father and the kids grandfather ought to get the Judge's head very near exploding and could play very well to your FDH's advantage regarding custody, visitation, and child support.

You cannot reason with disgusting pigs and you chould not try. You deal with disgusting trash like the XW and Grandpa/Fuck Buddy by destroying them in every way legally possible. You never stop, you protect the Skids from the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool and you give them no quarter. They do what they are told, when they are told to do it, or they suffer the maximum consequences and pain that can be brought to bear.

:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: Your poor Skids. Being saddled with a skank whore mother, and a disgusting character void moron for a grandfather/stepfather. And your DH. He should just beat his father to within an inch of his disgusting life and let him know that if he ever is within proximity to your DH's kids DH will finish the job and feed his disgusting father's body to the local pig farm live stock.

Just Wow!!!!!