I would go to my daughter's event. No question.

Yeah, your DH can go to his son's and you definitely go to your daughter's. Maybe do a joint celebration dinner?

It depends. How long have you been married? How close are you to ss?

I NEVER thought I would say this, but I think that if it is important to a graduating High School student, then you should go. IMHO, it is a third grade graduation, the middle of her elementary school years, and something that she probably wont even remember. You could take her for a special mommy, stepdaddy, and her day the next day.

Does she have anyone else who could go, like her dad?

I'm surprised the grade school would schedule a ceremony conflicting with the local high school event. One would think more parents besides you are facing the same scheduling conflict.

You really can't just disregard your child's event (yes, it's important to her), but I would make every attempt to take DD and right after and catch as much of SS's event as DD and you can. I am assuming for the school to hold a 3rd grade graduation that your district has 4th and 5th grade in middle school setting?

Your DH is just going to understand. Yes his son's HS graduation is a big deal and one of those real milestones in life, but you can't be expected to just brush off your own kid's event. In her young life her event is just as important to her.

If it's totally impossible to try and catch part of SS's ceremony, perhaps a joint celebration party/dinner for your family's honorees that evening or weekend? They both need to understand they are both the holders of yours and DH's pride and you are both very happy for and proud of them both...you will be at one and Dh at the other. Unfortunately you are incapable of being two different places at once. Be sure and got lots of pics of both kids before and after their events.

Tell DH to stop being an ass. It's not like you personally planned the conflict.

So let me be the unpopular opinion. Here is my issue: When I grew up, we busted our butts for 12 years to have a graduation ceremony . . from HIGH SCHOOL. Now it seems, kids have a ceremony for every grade. It cheapens the whole idea of a "graduation ceremony". I find it silly, honestly. A kid needs a ceremony when they graduate every grade? When did being a normal, functioning child and getting though school every year become such a rewarded thing as opposed to an expected thing? A graduation ceremony should be for the end of High School, and college. But again . . just my opinion.

So the other part of the question is this: How long have you been in SS's life? Are you close to him? If so, then I would have to say that a formal High School graduation ceremony for a young adult who has proven themselves BY FAR trumps a cutesy little 3rd grade "ceremony". Not trying to be rude but . . seriously? A kid only gets one High School graduation ceremony. Again, don't mean to sound rude but . . your daughter will get over missing her 3rd grade ceremony. When she has her 4th grade ceremony. And the 5th grade ceremony. And 6th grade. Maybe 7th grade. Oh and then there is the 8th grade ceremony. (Okay now I'm being obnoxious but . . you get my point.)

If you are close to SS you need to be at that graduation. It sounds to me like you don't like the kid very much (which I understand, I don't like my SS) and as such feel the pull towards your biological child. Just remember, that if you do this, you are sending a message to your husband that "mine is mine and yours is yours" and don't be surprised if it comes back to bite you in the behind someday.

I had to go to SD's HS graduation. I did not want to be there. I had my autistic 2 year old son, who did not do well with sitting still and being quiet, with me. I spent her graduation in the bleachers on the football field watching him play while the ceremony went on inside the building. Not sorry. I don't know your situation, but I cannot stand my SD and would not be sad to never see her again. I don't give a rip about her "accomplishments" and I only went out of obligation to SO. If my own daughter had something going on that day, I would have had no problem telling him I couldn't go. It would be a lot different if that kid ever showed me an ounce of human decency, but she hasn't. So my loyalty does not lie with her, and my obligation to attend things to make SO happy only extend to times when I have nothing else going on.

Although I don't agree with all of these grade school and middle school "graduations", I would go to my bios event, then catch up with DH and step kid later.

This is your daughter. What is your DH thinking? Furious because you won't skip your daughter's event? He's being an ass.

I think a High School Graduation is more important. But this is between you and your "family" (I don't know if you consider SS your family, some don't). ALL your years of school are leading up to this point. Is it boring, yes. But that's not really the point. The point is to be there for someone in your life that has accomplished something important. What else takes 12+ years of your life to complete.

Why is the school having a third grade graduation? Is she going to a new school next year? I'm sure she is excited about the event, but guess what, in a family we have to make hard decisions sometimes and miss things. Also, I don't believe that missing a third grade graduation is going to teach your kid that her feelings don't matter.

IMO when you are in a stepfamily situation, you can't always say my kid comes first. Sometimes other people in the family come first.

I would typically side with going to a high school graduation more than a 3rd grade grad. That said, doesn't sound like SS would care much if you are there or not and your BD would love you there. So it's kind of a no Brainer. Your DH needs to just deal with it.

All right, with more of the story I feel I sympathize a bit more with everyone.

I still think you go to your daughter's 3rd grade graduation. She's excited, she wants you there, and she's actually graduating from the school - it's a big deal.

I understand why your DH would feel protective of your SS, poor kid sounds like he's gone through a lot. (Although I will say the SM in me raised eyebrows at the SM cutting ties with the boy and not the girl - what did that boy do to her?) Maybe say to your DH, "Look, I'm going to DD's grad. But what else can I do to show SS I care? Any ideas? I want to make him happy, but I don't honestly think he'll care if I'm at his ceremony or not as long as you're there."