HUGE Blow up! Ugh
Yesterday was DH visitation time. Skids were over & SD playing with DD,all is normal. I've mentioned before how SS12 hates me and thinks I'm satan, wants "Daddy's" undivided attention, yada yada... Well, fast forward to 6:00pm-
I go upstairs to speak to DH who is playing Xbox with SS. SS immediately gets up, grabs DH phone and walks down to call his mommy. (This is common) He wants to go home now. SD isn't ready so DH tells SS to have a seat & they'll leave in one hour. SS freaks out, calls BM back & makes BM tell DH to bring him home now or she's coming to get him. ( BM is not allowed on my property) DH tells BM that SS can wait an hour & to not show up at our home.
Fast forward 15 mins.
DH outside in front yard having a "talk" aka scolding SS about calling BM and his behavior. I open front door to ask if anyone wants dinner. SS freaks out and while crying & screaming " you ruined my life & I hate you" to Me, BM comes flying down the road stopping in middle of the street. SS runs to BM car. DH yelling at BM for showing up and babying SS12, SD9 hears the commotion and runs to DH crying that she has to leave. My DD starts crying because everyone else is crying and she has anxiety whenever BM is near. I grab DD & we run inside as I'm about to lose my mind.
Fast forward 1/2 hr.
I finished consoling DD, take a hot bath & get my thoughts straight. I decide to tell DH that he HAS to take SS to counseling this week & he needs to do visitation somewhere else until SS is straightened out. He agrees on counseling but not visitation elsewhere. Am I out of line asking for this?
Yes, I think a little. I
Yes, I think a little.
I understand this is very frustrating, but you are buying into the crazy too much. BM can be as crazy as she wants, you guys don't have to join the party.
BM comes on property = call police
BM removes skids before CO time = contempt
SKids calling BM = remove access to phones
Just stop playing this stupid game. Sure, take the skid to counseling. That is always a good idea. But 50% of this is that their hysterical actions WORK.... so of course they do them. So stop letting the crazy work.
THIS The man can keep BM off
THIS
The man can keep BM off your property,but not off of a public street.
I hope counseling works. I
I hope counseling works. I easily see this ending with SS refusing visitation. He is 12. Or I see him being extremely disruptive and rebellious during visitation, and your H has to take it, or else same result, he will refuse visitation.
Thanks for the responses. I
Thanks for the responses. I guess I am just being overly emotional & wanting to not deal with SS anymore. DH is trying, I'll give him that.
Im not very optimistic about counseling. I'm pretty sure BM will take any positive thing that comes out of therapists mouth and twist it into somehow being "Satans lies" - SS is already rebelling at visitation, hence DH scolding him. DH told him no more phone as well. If DH will follow through with the plan hopefully something good will come out of it.
I know why my momma told me to never marry a man with kids....ugh.
I'm in agreement with you
I'm in agreement with you about BM controlling the counseling, she will def just tell SS what to say & what to believe.
We have a set CO. I have a few questions for advice:
Do you feel like following the CO which would makie SS stay the night when he doesn't want to be in the home will accomplish anything?
Do you feel like DH should try the counseling & when it all blows up, he will then realize he needs to do visitation elsewhere?
What about a guardian ad litem? Do you think this would help in any way?
I'm trying to get a solution that will make the visitation time bearable for DH sake while myself and DDs don't feel like prisoners in our own home. I certainly do not want to be the blame for SS not coming around. I have to tread lightly. I agree with you that eventually SS won't come at all.
Thank you for your input!
I'm going to sit down with DH
I'm going to sit down with DH and talk to him tonight. So far today, BM refuses to give DH insurance info for SS and also refuses to make an appt. at a therapist for him. DH is going to attempt to get insurance info again tomorrow, if BM will not provide it we will have to go through our attorney to get it. I think it's going to be a long road....
I agree with you that eventually SS will avoid coming for visitation. I see him giving DH an ultimatum - either spend time with me doing something fun or I'm not coming to your house- it all falls on how DH handles the situation from here on out. Tomorrow is Tuesday, which is his visitation time. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow or the drama. I nicknamed Tuesday "Drama Tuesday" a few years ago, it never fails to live up to the name.
Thank u for your input. Your insight into the situation is nothing short of spot on.
It could be manipulative.not
It could be manipulative.not truly being out of control and crying.
BM is a narcissist. She loves
BM is a narcissist. She loves to play victim and SS is following in those footsteps. She has skids brainwashed.. What to think, feel & believe.
He was crying, sobbing, snot running down his face and beet red. He's in 6th- Jr high in August... BM insists he is fine, just having a "spiritual battle"
It's happening because DH
It's happening because DH allows it to happen. If he isn't getting his "Daddy's" undivided attention, he wants to go home. DH has allowed it rather than deal with the whining that will ensue if SS has to stay.
It our house, purchased together when we married. My DDs live at the home Full Time and Skids visit 3 hrs on Tuesdays, EO Thursday 3 hrs and EOWE for 3-4 at a time each day. They will not stay the night due to PAS & DH has never really parented, always the Disney dad. I'm disengaged but the situation is worsening by the week.
My SD too. She demanded
My SD too. She demanded constant attention. First she would pout and beg. Then if she didn't feel he gave proper attention or gave it fast enough, she would demand to go home. One time years and years ago, he stood his ground and refused to take her back. Also confiscated her cell phone. BM cut off visitation for a month. When he got it back, it was understood that he better do whatever SD wanted. And he has ever since, she is 12, but I had to stop visitation in the home for safety reasons at 11.
I think your SS is very close to stopping visitation, unless your H does whatever he wants. Undivided attention , or whatever else he demands.
Yes he will lose his son anyways. First it starts with he will get older and only want to be around if dad is buying him something or taking him somewhere. Then as he gets even older,late teen to adult, he will only call his dad when he needs money and he will only spend just long enough with his dad to collect the money and go. These Disney dads train their kids that all a dad is good for is what you can get out of him. They don't build a real parent/ child relationship. They show their child they are only a servant to be used.