Please help, new baby + stepchild.. I want to leave!
I am new to this site so not sure if I'm doing this right but I have no one to talk/vent too and I feel like I am about to explode if I don't speak. First off, my family have never got on with my fiancé because he is older than me and already has a child, they have never met him and will not be in the same room as him etc, this was hard at first but now everyone seems to have got used to it, we had our first child 10 months ago a baby boy, my fiancé already has a daughter who is 6. We always got on OK but I havnt known her long before I became pregnant, as soon as I became pregnant my feeling towards her really started to change.
As my partner is older than me I want to put 100% of my time into my baby as this is the oy one I will have and I am still quite Young, I have always wanted many children but this will not be possible. I have started to resent my SD for taking up space in my baby's nursery when she is only here 2 nights a fortnight and how my fiancé lets her off with so much because he rarely sees her she is so badly behaved her mother lets her do whatever she wants. I don't want her behaviour rubbing off on my son, she has mini wife syndrome and doesn't like me near her father and always wants near my baby with her dad and me left out the picture. I know she is just a kid etc but I am starting to dread the time she is here and I spend all day Saturday and Sunday out the house until she goes home because I hate me and my son being around her. My partner only wants to do things as a family when she is here, he wants to feed the ducks and do things I ask him to do with our son when she isn't here and he always has an excuse, he buys her takeaways but never when it's just as and always mentions "as a family" when she is here, he also always refers to put DS as "your brother" instaea of his name which annoys me as he is her half brother.
I am making myself I'll over the whole situation and I want out. But I don't want out DS to have his parents split as I do love my fiancé. It's all such a mess there is a million other things as well such as MIL over compensating as well as my fiancé constantly making sure she isn't "left out" whereas nothing is ever said about my son. I just can't see things getting better. I can't speak to my family about this as all I will get is I told you so's.
I also have nowhere to go if I do leave the council homeless list is months long. I am trying to save a bit incase things do come to blows. When she goes home on a Sunday I feel so stressed it is unhealthy.
Please don't judge any advice/help appreciated thanks
If you want to leave, than
If you want to leave, than your answer is to leave. But I'm not sure you realize that in doing so you might actually be more stressed out and frustrated. No, you shouldn't stay in a home or marry a man you can't be happy with. However your baby will still be his child and SD will still be his sister (yes, you can call her 1/2 sister but she's still hi sister blood wise).
Your DF and his two children will still be doing 'family'' things on visitation weekends together, minus just you. The baby and D likely will still share a bedroom together on those weekends. DF may decide the time come he's ready to try a new partner again and your son (along with SD) will start doing 'family' outings with a new potential SM. The only difference for the two children with their father will be that you, yourself, won't be a part of the scene. You can't deny visitation with baby to Dad, so baby will still very much be a part of Dad and SD's life.
Sueu makes excellent points.
Sueu makes excellent points. I wonder how young you really are. And in turn how old your fiance is. You wanted lots of kids but settled/chose an older man who doesn't. So who chose your life? This is the way it is, just the way you wanted it.
No, your life doesn't stop the minute SD goes to her mother. So tell your fiance that. "Honey, I know you love doing things with SD around but is it fair for DS and I to not go anywhere unless she is here?" Maybe he sees DS as being too young to understand or realise his life is on hold until his sister is back.
It is common for young children to feel jealous. She sees her Dad 2 days out of 14. You see him every day. Your son sees him every day. Maybe discuss with your fiance that his daughter gets a little pushy so maybe he spends 1 hour with her exclusively each day she is there. this is 2 hours a weekend. He can take her out for a walk, to the movies, to visit a park. Just the 2 of them. This is 'their' time. Not a date but time just for them. As I am sure as your son gets older he spends exclusive time with his Dad. As long as he makes it clear to her that pushing you around or being rude is not acceptable and not nice. In fact Parenting classes may be just what you both need.
He misses his daughter when she isn't there. Imagine if you saw your son 2 days every 2 weeks. How would you feel? Would you let those little naughty things slide because your allotted time with him is so precious? Men may not be as open about their feelings but they do matter. It also comes into play the age difference between the 2 of you. What era did he grow up? And what is the age difference? Are we talking 19 and 40? Because that is destined for trouble.