Girl, I feel you. My boyfriend was taking his daughters out to dinner every week and to nice fancy schmancy restaurants. He took them to Japanese steakhouse restaurants and Seafood restaurants and you name it. Every week one of them was taken somewhere nice. And I kept waiting for my date night over and over and over again. And when I worked a 12 hour shift and then we went to Lowes for an hour and it was too late for me to cook he took me out to the Clock (which was later on shut down by the health dept). Valentines came and I got nothing. No dates. They got taken out to dinner and I lost my ever fricking mind. He got really mad at me and basically gave me the same lecture and I said I'm not giving. My coworker said the same thing. He said "you have to demand respect. You have to demand to be taken out to nice places." Now I demand it for myself and after such push and pull, I know get it from him. We are going out tonight!

It sounds like he doesn't want to get it. It's not normal and I personally wouldn't put up with it. He plays it off this way because you tolerate it. You're still there, picking up his slack, taking care of His Children while he ignores you. He won't change. There is no incentive for him to change. So either give him an incentive by taking action and be willing to leave him or realize that this will be your life, even when his kids are adults with kids of their own.

I would have a new law. Ignore me = I'm no longer your free babysitter. Fuck that.

Wby are you so accepting of a partner who doesn't give you what you need?
Because you will not find anyone else to love you? Yes you will, and without kids too.
Move out and date. If he wakes up renegotiate your arrangement. If not sayonara.
Life is too short.

By staying with him y ou are allowing him to treat you badly.
Talk is cheap. You need to act to show him you mean business.

And believe me, i get it about kids. I am a parent to two boys.
But i don't put my husband's interests last. Why would he be with
me if i used him to care for my sons but gave him no love?
It's a balancing act and the couple needs to come first. Children
benefit from that too. Refuse to put up with your second class
citizenship and see what happens.

I really feel for you and agree with all the other posters. Although I've not been subjected to this extreme form of neglectful behaviour and selfishness (I'd have packed my bags long ago if so) I have had comments made to me by my DP along the lines "Well you're the adult, they're only kids, you can handle it better." What a load of bullshit. So because we're adults we don't require affection, consideration and being made to feel special or even, in your situation, EQUAL.

Hun, your DP is indulging himself massively. Treating his girls like this is feeding into his ego. If I were you I'd go stay with friends / family or even in a hotel for a few nights. Make him sweat a bit and show that this is NOT acceptable and you're not willing to put up with it. You're already giving so much of yourself, more than a lot of SM's would, and he is utterly ungrateful. I wish you the best of luck x

I agree with them previous posters about making him find other means for taking care of HIS kids while he's not able to if he wants to treat you unkindly for all that you do. They are not your kids, but you are a step PARENT, your partner needs to count that as something especially since your SKs are with you more than they're with him. Good luck!

Oh 18, I feel as thought I'd written your post myself.

I've put up with being a friend to two great kids until they became teenagers. It went well for awhile when I had the patiece to just be "a friend" to his kids as they already "had a mom", etc.

Broke my heart but at that point two years ago, I was willing to put up with it.

Today it's a different story as I'm now realizing what his kids mean to him and what I don't. We have a flex benefits account through his insurance and he's told me on no uncertain terms that those benefits are for his daughter and NOT for me. I don't even get access to the card and he told me I never will.

Last year I had an incident while letting the dog out; the glass door snapped back, and I ended up cutting my hand badly. Ended up in the ER with several stitches.

When telling the hubby about it, his first reply was, "How the hell could something like that happen??" and "If you would let her out more (our Golden Retriever), she wouldn't have been in such a hurry to get out.." and basically, my hand getting cut was my own fault.

He still blames it on me and expects me to pay my own medical bills; telling me that it was my own fault for not letting our dog out more often.

How lame.

He works out of State and when he comes home, of course it's all about the kids. He'll spend money on them with no problems but when I needed a new GPS for my car when we were at Target..we had a bunch of other miscellaneous things in the cart, and while unloading, he took the GPS out and said, "I think you said you were going to pay for this.."

So yeah, I bought my own GPS, even though we're a family. As he went through the checkout first..I was left behind to pay for the GPS..while he and the kids walked out to the parking lot, leaving me behind like a stranger.

When we get out of the car, he walks way ahead of me with the kids and refuses to wait for me. When we get into the store..they basically act like they don't know me until it comes time to check out..where he waits for me to find them and then asks if I have the card so I can pay for it all while he walks out to the car with the kids, and pulls up outside, gets out to load the stuff into the back of the car; and again, I get into the back like a stranger.

His previous vacation home last Summer, he and the kids went up North to visit his parents while I stayed behind by my own choice. My elderly dad was having health issues so I told he and the kids to go ahead, have a nice time, and maybe bring me back something nice.

Something nice to him was an extremely ugly clown picture that he'd found at a thrift store for $1.00; along with a glass bannana they'd found for a nickel. He laughed when he gave it to me, as though I was supposed to get the joke. Told me that I asked him to bring me back something nice..and he thought it was all funny.

Would have been nice after he gave it to me to bring out the REAL nice present since it's a beautiful area up there with tons of nice gift shops..but no..those were my gifts from him.

Broke my heart that he was so mean after I'd told him to go ahead with the kids and I'd stay home to take care of Dad. When I brought it up the last time the kids were home, my SD told me that they'd seen a really pretty necklace she thought Dad should buy me, but instead, he thought an ungly clown picture and glass banana was a better choice.

He and my stepson laughed all the way home about it, thinking about my reaction.

As much as he claims to love me, this gift showed me nothing but hate. It's the sort of gift you'd buy for someone you were going through a divorce with. That's at least the way I took it.

The bottom line is that he doesn't think I deserve anything nice. If I want something, I buy it myself as he won't get it for me. But if the kids want something..he's all over it.

2013 Christmas the the worst. We owe my Dad money from our wedding in 2012 and instead of paying back my dad; my hubby decided to spend $4000 on his kids instead. While here we went out to eat constantly (while I'd filled the house full of groceries so we wouldn't have to), he bought them each $500 new computers, along with himself the newest $800 laptop. I got a speaker for $50 and that was absolutely the end of his spending on me.

If it weren't for my dad, I'd have no wedding band as he loaned my hubby the money to pay it off. I'd have no wedding RING for that matter if my hubby had a say in it as shortly before our wedding, I nicely told my hubby that we should probably go to the jewelers and pay our rings off before our ceremony and his reply was, "I don't have any f*&^^ money for that!!" and thus, I paid them off. When the time came where my hubby and I had needed to have our rings resized after we both lost a considerable amout of weight..he let them sit and I again paid the bill.

No, "Thanks honey"; no "I feel bad for not paying them off...I make enough money that I could have done that for us.."

Nope..it's all about his kids. His 13 yr old daughter has gone through 5 laptops in three years due to carelessness and he's bought her new ones. His 16 year old son wants some new computer gadget and he's all over that also.

Me..I can pay for my own stuff if I need it.

Holidays come (he hates holidays and I love them). It's all about the kids. He wants nothing and gets really angry if I buy him anything; so thus I get nothing either. He hates to shop and gets me awful things on purpose; obviously so I don't ask him to buy me anything anymore.

The last Christmas gift I received was a bunch of lawn ornaments marked waaay down at Fleet Farm, consisting of three ugly butterflies (and I LOVE butterflies, yet these were the ugliest of ugly!!). Butterflies are supposed to be pretty, but these were marked down to the lowest of low for a reason as when I went to Fleet Farm and looked at the price..they were a mere QUARTER!!

He paid .50 cents for my Christmas present!! Oh yeah..can't forget the thrift store stuff he gave me while he later bragged about getting them for half price.

I told him that I appreciated his thought and then joked that he purposely buys the worst gifts ever so that I won't ask him to shop for me anymore, and he laughed.

Our first Christmas together he bought me toe socks and very ugly mittens. NOBODY has taste that bad and he admitted he bought them to shut me up so that I'd never ask him to buy me anything again.

I still continue to love Christmas and all holidays and have gone out of my way to buy hin really nice gifts, figuring he'll finally get it. Either the guy has the absolute WORST taste in the world or again, this last Valentine's Day he bought me the ugliest necklace on the face of the earth!! Said it was worth a lot more money but he'd still spent a lot of money on it.

He forgot that he put it on our charge card. Total cost of it was $15.00. WOW..that's a lot of money for a guy making $75,000 a year!!

I always think however, that it's the thought that counts as I pulled it out of the box and it fell apart.

While again, spends $100's on his kids without blinking an eye.

I'm sorry if I sound unappreciative as again, it's the thought that counts, but for his daughter's birthday he'll send her a dozen red roses costing $75.00; and then again for Valentine's Day..another dozen with vase for $100.00; while sending me a balloon bouquet from the Dollar Store.

He forgets that I have access to our charge account and can see these things.

I just smile and say, "Thank you honey.."

In addition, he has told me over and over not to EVER put myself in front of the kids (like I've ever tried to)..but it's obvious that I'm not even second on his list of people to love.

He has told me countless times that his kids come first, and his job comes second as he needs to make money to support his "family"; wherever I decide to put myself after that is up to me he's said.

I am his wife and he said that.

Funny how things change as before his wrapper came off, before we were married, he told me that I was the love of his life and nobody came before me. His kids of course were important, but marrying me..well that was his key to being happy for the rest of his life and me loving his kids like I did..us being a family..of course his kids were always going to be an important part of our lives, marrying me was the biggest bonus he'd ever have.

Of course that was when he needed to be on his best behaviour; along with his kids.

They thanked me non stop for all the nice things I did for them. Sent me beautiful flowers, etc. with notes that said, "Thank you for all the nice things you do for us..we love you soo much!!"

Thing of the past now as I never hear a single thank you ever. Never hear a single compliment from him telling me I look nice, smell nice, etc.

Oh yeah..I forgot to mention that the last time he was home, he told me how fat I'd gotten, but he still loved me anyway.

Thanks honey..thanks so very much!!

As he continued what a horrible housekeeper I was..the worst he'd ever seen and that I'd probably just cleaned right before he got home (even though I'd explained to him that I'd had little time since taking care of my elderly dad who had recently had several health issues).

I'd explained all this to him before he got here and he promised to just take care of all the cleaning when he got home..without a blink. He knew I was going through some tough things, but instead when he came home he did nothing but take me down, telling me that he was never coming back again after seeing the house in such disaray; that our home should be condemned I was such a slob; and that he'd never met such a pig in his entire life.

He called me a loser and the C word in front of the kids. Refused to go with me to my dad's appointments telling me that he didn't have the time to travel 60 miles in a Travulance to tranport my dad to his appointments; even though my dad has been kind enough to loan him money. Kids were old enough to take care of themselves in the early morning hours that my dad's appointments were and probably wouldn't have even been up yet; but my hubby, who is supposed to be my biggest support system told me he just didn't feel like it. Too boring to travel 60 miles for my dad. Too much trouble and easier for him to just sit on Reddit all morning while waiting for the kids to get up and smoking like a chimney.

Why I stay I don't know as taking care of my dad makes me tired..but being married to a hubby that treats me like crap most of the time maked me more tired.

Of course, now that he's 2000 miles away, he's a completely different person and sooo supportive. Tells me he loves me all the time..yet can't do that when he's home.

Makes me more than sad as my dad has been soo very good to him; in additon to being good to both of us. My hubby and I went to visit him twice while he was home and at that point in time, Dad wasn't in his right mind as he suffers from Dimentia. When I was talking he said, "Blah blah blah..why don't you just shut up!!" and my hubby came home and not only told the kids that my dad told me to shut up..but told others also..and enjoyed it while he laughed.

He just can't even stop cutting me down in front of the kids. When the kids leave, he's a completely different person.

Why I stay through all of this, I don't know.

are you sure you love him? maybe you USED to, but what the heck is there to love in this? there is NOTHING here for you. demand change (and DO something) or keep venting in vain. good luck hon.

Oh dear.. you really have to leave him... and you probably know that. As down and terrible as you feel now, will all be lifted once you kick him and his ABUSE to the curb. This is no way to live - what a horrible, horrible man.

Safe yourself and get him and his kids out of your life.

"Well, they're my kids..." as though because I'm not his child, and I'm just his partner, I must not need time with him." THIS IS WHAT YOU SAY WHEN HE SAYS THIS. and stop being a babysitter if he doesnt even care about your feelings.

I hate to break it to you, but if you are hoping "once the children are gone" things will get better, it won't. I was dating a guy JUST like this with a 13 year old, and it took me two years to realize that as the kid got older, it was not getting better. We did not live together and I did not take care of him. Heck, he was too selfish to even let me if I wanted to! And what I mean by that is that he was selfish with his life. He had one life with his mom and son, another with me. He is 100% emotionally unavailable, and enmeshed with his mom, while enmeshing his own son. And I stood up for myself from the beginning. It started about a month and a half in. It was like all of a sudden a switch flipped and he changed. After I'd bless him out, he would do better for a while, then go back to the same crap. I finally realized it's who he is. He loved me a lot, I knew this. But it was work for him to make me part of his life. I don't want to be somebody's job. I did things for him because I loved him, not because I felt I had to. I felt like he was constantly just trying to figure out the least he needed to do to keep me. After two years, I'd had enough. I can't imagine living like you do. No way would I put up with it, and I've put up with a lot. I hope it changes or that you get out. Your post makes me sad for you. I don't even know you and I think I care more than your partner!

oh hon! I just had a chance to read all of this and just want to cry for you! I have never heard of a man treating someone he claims to love so badly

Its going to be so hard to say goodbye but NOONE deserves this kind of treatment.

I wish you all the luck and healing love. Please keep us updated!

Oh, I went through almost EXACTLY what you did. I left, too..last July. It is hard, but does get easier every day. Just know you are not alone!

I look back and can't believe the things I accepted and how little he must have really cared about me compared to everyone else. Too many examples to mention. And I did SO MUCH for them ALL!

At this point I just hope KARMA does her job.