You explain by making it clear that you have no problem moving out if he doesn't stop this. Complaining, but remaining in the home tells him he doesn't have to change because when all is said and done,you will still be there.

The proverbial stupid question with an obvious answer. No, dad does not need to be sleeping with his child. He needs to be in the relationship bed with you. Period.

I am not a fan of co-sleeping as is the case with many others who have responded. My bride and I met when SS was 15mos old and we married the week before he turned 2yo. Never did we co-sleep with the Skid. My bride did not co-sleep with him before we met either. He was in his crib. Period.

As an insomniac I occassionally fall asleep on the sofa. Not on purpose but it happens. This is an ongoing issue for my wife. She wants me in our bed. So, I make sure to be in our bed when she wakes up at the very least.

^^^^^^That. What sweetjesus said
Sleeping arrangements now, with much more to come if there are no boundaries that you can both agree on. A 2 year old's needs are small by comparison of all that awaits. You don't get to "lose" because you don't have a child. His behavior is telling. For your sake, don't ignore what he is telling you - don't ignore the obvious writing on the wall.

I believe that arrangements should be made, of course, while having the skids over, but co-sleeping is not one of them. Tuck her in, stay with her for 10/20 mins, ok, but that's it. The issue here, for me, is that your SO seems to want to switch your marital/sexual/intimate relationship on and off whenever he sees fit; for me it's the same as walking hand in hand with your partner everyday but once the skid's with you, one hand goes to the pocket and the other holds ss's. That was always a big deal, for me (the hand thing), and made me feel put aside.

Give the kid a melatonin supplement and put them in their own bed. Nighty-night kid-oh. }:) The label says "Not intended for individuals under the age of 18" but is does not say "not for use....."

I wish I had thought of this when my Skid and nieces/nephews were young and visiting.

I have not read all the replies but when I first started dating SO he would cosleep with SD(2 at the time)

At her moms she would sleep in her crib, in BM's room until BM had another baby. SO felt that SD needed to sleep in the same bed as he did. He felt that because she had a rough birth he needed to be there. I think it was more his issue with letting her sleep alone rather than SD actually needing him there.

I sent him a few articles and Dr. studies on co-sleeping and how to wean SD off. It took a while, which is when I realized it was him not wanting to let go vs SD wanting to sleep in his bed. When we moved in together I told him she needs to be independent with her sleep. His visitations where done at his moms since our place was way too small. IDK if he coslept with her there but when we finally moved into a larger place where SD got her own room I had to slowly get him used to her sleeping in her room. SD never once cried about it, fell asleep right away, She was 3 by then.

First few visits he would keep both doors open, ours and hers and jump up at the sound of anything. Irritating but I let him be. He still had to spend 2 hours trying to get her to sleep though. So one night SO left to go out with a few friends and I told him to leave her with me. So I put her to bed, I read to her and said, from now on you are going to be a big girl and sleep on your own, how does that sound?

She said, I am a big girl, I can do it. So I left her for 10 minutes came back and checked on her as I promised her. She was still awake in bed, I said just checking on you, then she said, I am a big girl. 10 minutes later I go back and she is fast asleep. I recorded all of it and showed it to SO. From then on he does the same. Its been over a year now that we don't have to spend more than 5 minutes in her room before she falls asleep. We do still have to wake her up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom(she is having bed wetting issues)

We now close both our door and hers and she sleeps fine. She waits until one of us goes in to her room and gets her up for the day before leaving her room. If she wakes up before us then she'll play with her stuffed animals. She is getting very independent. SO sees it. So now he has applied this to every aspect of SD's life, he lets her take her own baths or showers(we just go in to make sure she scrubs and she is ok), he lets her go to the restroom alone and we've thought her to clean herself. She loves being independent!

So I would say approach your SO that way, show him what the outcome would be if he lets her be independent with her sleep. If all else fails then you need to reevaluate the relationship. Do you want to be with someone who caters to his daughter and never says no in fear of her.

Stand up for what you want girl! You get to make demands too! All these child worshippers who think parents need to coddle their precious angel every moment are all wacked! children belong in their own space, and don't need to be coddled because the parents are guilty they don't have a traditional family. Oh poor little girl can't sleep alone? Will she die without him there?

I put the kibosh on the sleeping situation right away. He's sleeping in there for himself not for her. State your demands and don't feel selfish. Or just leave when she comes over, they hate that, and for the same reason. He wants to feel like he's giving her a family. Well in a family you have needs too.

New here...but I'm with a 38 year old who spent thousands of dollars and tons of his heart and soul battling for the tiny amount of time he gets with his daughter...who is 3...and though we live 8 hours away we get way more than one day a month with her (25% of the year, now)....but when he wants to spend time with her watching her sleep, I GET it. I mean jee bus guys, here in this case it's one night a month away from his GIRLFRIEND to spend time with the DAUGHTER he sees once a month overnight. I make my fiancé sleep on the couch sometimes when he's snoring or coughing really bad and I go sleep on the couch when I want to watch TV or whatever. Sleeping separately occasionally isn't a big fucking deal. Getting all worked up over ONE NIGHT A MONTH in a different bed because a man wants to be with HIS CHILD he barely gets to see. Geez. Maybe this isn't the forum for me. I wanted to talk about the good dads we're sleeping with and the difficulties that come along, with, like, shitty BMs or crappy bonds with Skids.

We all WANT to come second to our step kids....right? I mean, a close second, but what kind of parent ever puts their children anywhere but first? I'm not even a mom, and I get that...I don't think I'd be with the man (who is wonderful) I'm with if he treated us any differently....

i co slept with my stepson my hubby my son and my daughter. if she only two kind let it go... or do a camp out in her room when you move so she can get useto in... but everyone should be in own beds

She is awfully young for shared parenting. Still a baby. I understand that you want your partner to get in bed with you at night, but the reality is that you have a baby in your home who only stays there once a month. I remember being scared to sleep away from home when I was older than she is. Yes it is her dad and her other home but her mom is not there and it is not the bed she sleeps in regularly in the room she stays in at home. I would let it go for now. If she came every weekend it would be different. But once a month, waking up not at home with mom and not having all your daily comfort items might be getting to her. As she gets older or stays more often it may be worth bringing up again, but I would leave it go for now.

I think a couple people forgot to read your second paragraph. Yes, right now it's once/month, but soon it will be twice/week, and your husband is showing you that he doesn't care about your feelings on this.

Tolerating something you don't think is right once/month for his daughter's sake might be doable, she may have trouble transitioning/adjusting, but having a spouse that chooses to sleep in the kids bed instead of the marital bed twice/week is obviously super weird and damaging to the marriage. I know you're not married yet, but if you're living with him then it's serious enough, and you probably wouldn't be together and spending time with his kid if you didn't think there was marriage potential.

Since you're not married yet, I would take this time to really talk through the expectations of both you and him. You'll have to sacrifice so much of your wants and needs for this kid, you'll see this more when you move closer and have her over more often, but I don't think you have to sacrifice every last one of your needs. Once you start getting to know which of your needs are getting trampled on, you have to decide which ones matter most and fight for them or refuse to be a part of it anymore. Yes you're the adult, but you're human and you have needs. I take issue with you thinking, "I know she takes precedence in every aspect of our life ever". I wrote my own post on this today. Yeah, right now, it's just about him sleeping in her bed once/month, and he's already telling you that his daughter takes priority over you, and you already have an issue with it. What happens when you have even bigger needs? Are you saying you expect to be placed second when you need to go to the hospital, or when you're 8 months pregnant with his child, or when your sister is getting married, or when your mom dies, or when you get fired from your job, etc. etc. And what if any number of these things lands on a day that he has her? I don't think it's right to think you should never be placed first. There are actually people out there who will think you're a horrible person for ever needing to be put first no matter how dire your circumstances, and I think it's outrageous. Sit down and figure out what needs you think you can sacrifice and which ones you absolutely can't. If your boyfriend can't agree to meet your most important needs, then why bother staying, the stress and heartache will kill you.

I think you're being extremely unfair to both the child and your partner. Frankly, if I were in his shoes and my partner told me the same as you said I too would tell him to suck it up.

I'm not a fan of co sleeping either, but this child is TWO YEARS OLD!! One night a month, your partners home is foreign to her. Her mummy's not there, the room and house is unfamiliar and she's likely picking up on the tension between you and your partner as well.

You're missing a golden opportunity to really show your partner how much you love him, and appreciate what a good dad he's trying to be. You're also missing a golden opportunity to bond with your future stepdaughter. Why not make it fun? Set up a little bed for her in your bedroom, and the three of you sleep once a month in your bedroom?

When you move closer, start off the same, and as the visits become more regular, she'll be more familiar with daddy's house and her bedroom. Then you can transition her over to sleeping in her own room.

It's not rocket science.

My bride and I met and started dating when the Skid (SS-22) was 15mos old. We married the week before he turned 2yo. He and my DW did not co-sleep when we first started dating. He had his crib. He slept in that. Once we married he had his bed in his own room.

Sure, he would crawl in with his mom and I on the occasional AM and occasionally one or the other of us would sleep with him if he was sick. It is easier to give a kid an every 4hr nebulizer treatment and alternating 2hr doses of kid Tylenol and kid Advil when you are sleeping next to them than if you have to navigate from your room to the kid's room.

But ... once a kid stops breast feeding ... the kid sleeps in their own bed/room and the parents in the home get their own space/bed/ room to sleep in.

IMHO of course

My post from a few weeks ago on co sleeping. http://www.steptalk.org/node/212404

I copied the beef here in case you don't want to read the whole blog.

One of the ladies there has a 13 year old son that has been in therapy for 6 months to get over sleeping with her and her hubby for his entire life. You would think that would be enough to make the other moms with us realize that maybe, just maybe they were creating an issue within her own child by allowing them to sleep with them and hubby BUT no, that was not the case. I am just going to say it, but sleeping with a kid that old is like sleeping with a young man, I mean, to me it just crosses a line and is hugely inappropriate. I can’t imagine ever meeting a man and finding out he slept with his mommy until he was 13. I mean really???? Talk about a “momma boy”, what woman would do that to her son and then expect another woman to want him? Just weird if you ask me, I am certainly of the belief that you aren’t doing your kid any favors by letting them sleep with you and at 13 years old you have to wonder if there is an issue with the mom/dad that would continue to allow it.