Disengaging or just being mean?
My kids SM has disengaged from them, and that is fine and dandy with me. The kids have often come home with stories of how she is mean to them and tries to ruin everything their dad plans with them. So when she dropped off the face of my kids earth I wasn't upset about it at all, neither were they.
Yesterday, BS9 told me something, and after getting confirmation from the older two I think I'm going to be turning into one of those bat shit crazy BM's no one is fond of.
He said that while they over there their everyone went shopping together, her three and my three with ExH and her, she got her kids all new bed stuff, pillows, blanket, night light, and BS9 asked if he could get a night light and a blanket and she wouldn't let him.
He was understandably hurt by this, which made me see red a little bit. I've disengaged from my skids, however; if all of us were out together and I was getting my kids something, no I wouldn't tell them they couldn't get anything. I don't particularly care for them but I'm not a heartless person. Am I being to sensitive about this? Is that part of disengaging or was she just being a bitch to be a bitch?
I think it was mean. She
I think it was mean. She could have just as easily waited until your kids were not there to buy her kids all of that stuff. To do it right in front of them and not get them so much as a night light and blanket? Bitch move.
I am a bitch and even I wouldn't do that.
Was your ex not with them? Why was she taking them all shopping with her to begin with if she's so disengaged?
I have gotten into it with
I have gotten into it with their dad, I will be getting into it with him again tomorrow when he comes to get BS9 for practice. I am pissed at her because it was a bitch move. No it's not her responsibility to get them any thing, just like it's not mine to get my skids something, but if we're all out together I don't leave them out to prove that I can leave them out. I wouldn't treat any child that way whether I liked them or not. The older two didn't care as much as BS9, the one she has spanked, berated, and whome she is trying to PAS against his father. Yes I agree his father needs to be held accountable for this but she did have a hand in it and she needs to stop her fucking shit.
She spanked your son????!!!!
She spanked your son????!!!!
Yes, she spanked him with a
Yes, she spanked him with a belt. She left bruises on his legs, back, and butt. He was dropped off at school by his father on Monday morning and the daycare saw his back before I did. Oh yes, my 9 year old asked for a night light. I am so ashamed of him for that. I guess he deserved that ass whoopin then.
WHY, WHY, WHY are you
WHY, WHY, WHY are you allowing your kids to be with someone who beat your son with a belt?
I have no say any more. After
I have no say any more. After many classes and her doing everything the CPS officer told her, ExH was allowed his over night visits again. Now if he has to work during his weekends and knows he could be called off in the middle of the night then they don't go over there for the night. He takes them to dinner and drops them off.
Did you call CPS? (After
Did you call CPS? (After beating the crap out of her of course) Why are you allowing your kids to go back there?
If you reported it, what happened? Here (Brooklyn, NYC) CPS would have pulled all 6 kids from the home. Your 3 would have ended up with you and only see dad once a week at a foster agency. Her 3 would have in ended up in foster care or a family placement. She would also be subject to once a week, supervised visits at the agency. This would go on until both adults in the home completed a parenting program and got an all clear from family court to allow the kids to return to the home.
No, the daycare called CPS
No, the daycare called CPS because he was dropped off by his dad that Monday morning at school. When I went to get him they told me about it and told me they had already called CPS.
This makes no sense. SM is
This makes no sense.
SM is NOT disengaged. SM is fully engaged with your son as apocalyptic meteor is with the earth.
agree with you
agree with you
Would I have done that? No,
Would I have done that? No, but I'm not disengaged. It was your husband's responsibility to get his kids' things. There have been times we have gone shopping for the new baby or stuff that bs 2 might need that my skids don't and I have no problem with that. We have done the same with buying them things when they need them and bs doesn't. As I always say, fair does not always mean equal. If they were going to buy stepmom's kids new bedroom things, I'm not sure why your kids were along. Seems like that would have been a better trip with just sm and her kids.
From what I got from the EX
From what I got from the EX last night, he was going to get them the stuff and she withdrew all the money from the account they were using so he didn't have the money to do so.
If his story is true, then SM
If his story is true, then SM gave him the keys and laid her butt down in front of the bus. Unless the money in the account was all hers, pulling it all out was wrong.
Now THAT was a bitch move.
Now THAT was a bitch move. If she used any of his money to buy shit for her kids but made it impossible for him to his money to purchase stuff for his kid, then she is beyond the bitch zone.
If I were in his shoes, I'd return everything she purchased.
It's all his money, she
It's all his money, she doesn't work.
Sadly no. That one reason he
Sadly no. That one reason he is the Ex H
Kids will often try to play
Kids will often try to play parents vs step parents game. Even if the Step is wonderful to them, they get certain benefits from telling mom or dad or friends that Step is mean to them. Perhaps she disengaged because she didn't want to play that game. Often, there isn't any meanness going on, but just rules kids don't want to follow, and they know they can manipulate the tenuous relationship of Stepparent/stepkid.
Dad should buy them neccessary items, not stepmom.
She disengaged because after
She disengaged because after she spanked BS9 with a belt and left marks on him CPS was called and she had to take parenting classes, and anger management classes and she had to go to court and pay fines and all of that. She blames BS9 for telling on her that she smacked him with a belt. He was trying to play me against her, I didn't see it, someone at the daycare saw it before me and called CPS on her.
Oh my...that's a rather big
Oh my...that's a rather big deal and changes the story. I'd be not at all concerned about mall trips and instead keeping the kids away from a child abuser.
Why are your kids there at
Why are your kids there at all? That CPS bullshit would be a deal breaker for me. Sorry BD you can't see your kids as long as that bitch is around. See you in court.
ExH had his over night
ExH had his over night visitation taken away for over a year. During that time her kids were taken away as well and put with her family. She had to take a butt load of classes and get evals by the court. Once the court deemed her fit to take back custody of her children ExH went to court asking for his over nights again. In mediation we agreed that he could have the kids over nights back and that she was never to be left alone with them. So if he gets called into work during the day the kids are brought back to my house, if he is on call at night he gets them and takes them to dinner and brings them back home. And we agreed to these terms during our fourth round in court.
No no, it only happened once.
No no, it only happened once. CPS came in, made her take all these classes and during that time ExH would pick them up for a few hours on Sat and a few on Sun on his weekends. It was a while but the CPS officer told ExH he could have his overnight weekends back as long as the kids are never left alone with her again. She decided to disengage after she got CPS call on her. Instead of realizing that "Crap I just spanked a kid that's not mine and I went to far" she is only pissed that BS9 tattled on her for spanking him.
I got the impression that the
I got the impression that the mall shopping bit was revenge for the CPS belt beating rat out.
OP, if some SM beat my kid with a belt (butt, legs and back) there would be a restraining order on her and she'd not of had a change to take my kids to any mall. If their father wanted to see the children he would be seeing outside the home minus the SM or would be facing supervision visitation only.
It was like that for over a
It was like that for over a year. After she completed all the court ordered classes and was evaluated the courts said she was safe to be around them. ExH went to court and got his overnight reinstated with the rule that she is never to be left alone with the kids. I've also told my OBS who is 6'3 that he is to never let BS9 out of his sight which he doesn't. He never cared for SM and is super protective of his brothers.
She didn't do anything wrong.
She didn't do anything wrong. Step parents aren't required to treat their bios and steps as equals.
If you want to go into bitch mode, make sure your kids have spending money each time they visit dad. If SM is disengaged, she has no say if/how they use the spending money you give them.
I have totally disengaged
I have totally disengaged from my SKID. All I do is say hello and goodbye - nothing else. I really don't want to do that.
Well if the other details are
Well if the other details are true, like sm hitting your son with a belt and withdrawing all their money, there are way more issues than a nightlight. What kind of man would stay with a woman who beat his son? I just don't understand that. Obviously and for good reason it seems, you have a lot of anger built up towards this woman and little issues like this are going to cause problems unless you all can get to the root of the problem and resolve things.
Yes I would say I do have
Yes I would say I do have some pent up anger at her. And I know if it was me and my DH and he did this to my kids I would be gone. I don't know what is wrong with their dad or what he is thinking other than he doesn't want CS on four kids.
Yep. The beating/abuse in
Yep. The beating/abuse in this situation should be the primary concern. Not sure where you live that the kids can still legally be around her.
But as far as the rest. Kids are notorious for pitting steps against bios. We just found out my recently estranged SD was calling mommy from the time she was little, complaining about her weekends with us. We thought we were all having fun, going on trips and sports events and family BBQs but she was whining the whole 15 years because she didn't feel she was the center of attention. Not because she was being beaten or otherwise abused or even ignored at all. So amusing, we all thought we were all happy and having fun!
I had mentioned the CPS drama
I had mentioned the CPS drama in an earlier post, I just didn't think I had to reput it all out there again. I rarely ever talk about my kids and their SM on here.
Yes I agree. But I do think
Yes I agree. But I do think that there's a difference between a kid asking for something and a kid feeling you have to give it to them. An example, Sir Tearsalot will say, "Could I get a candy bar too?" or SS7 "Would it be ok if I got some chips?" I have no problems when the skids ask me for these things, however with dPPP or RFM it's more
"Get me this. Now" I want this, get it for me" "I said I want this now" then a fit is thrown.
When she told him no, he said ok. Didn't throw a fit, didn't bitch, but yes he did tell me that it hurt his feelings. I don't think that's unreasonable behavior from a 9 year old.
Asking for and expecting
Asking for and expecting something isn't the same. :? He told his mom because he was hurt. Just like you daughter was hurt about the planter.
Just because she asked you why SD had a larger one, doesn't mean she expects her stepdad to treat her equal to his bio. Your daughter and the OP's son both had normal, kid reactions to something that disappointed them.
Have you asked them if the
Have you asked them if the difference in the size hurt their feelings? Yes, it hurt his feelings that he couldn't get a nightlight and a blanket. He told me about it. My oldest son also told me he was disappointed that he got defender instead of striker on his HS soccer team, he felt disappointed, and told his mother. Don't think either were whinning to their mommy, I think they just felt something and talked to me about it.
I think you raise a couple of
I think you raise a couple of really good points here.
1. Kid behaved well.
2. Kid felt disappointed, talked to mom/OP.
3. OP is hurt/angry on kid's behalf, wants to head out to the parking lot for an SM SMackdown.
4. OP is behaving well (not having a screaming SMeltdown in front of kid).
5. OP can help kid accept that things are (often) not as we would wish.
Ahh, I guess some people
Ahh, I guess some people accuse others of making stuff up if they don't agree with their points of view, but ok, here's a post that mentions (in the comments) about the CPS debacle and other things that have happened with ExH new wife.
http://www.steptalk.org/node/201231
Since then. She rarely has
Since then. She rarely has anything to do with my kids unless their dad is taking them some where she wants to go or if their grandmother is here for visits. That's when she plays happy happy wife and mother like Carol Brady
It was very substantial at
It was very substantial at one point, but over a year ago she quit her job and started staying home. Since then he came to me and told me what was going on with the finances and that he could loose his house. He and I went to the OAG office and had them lower my CS so that he didn't foreclose on his house or loose his car.
I get that too, I stayed home
I get that too, I stayed home for a summer while my DH worked. He pays CS to their mothers. So while the kids are at out house...and DH is the only one working, from I've heard here I can treat my kids to what ever they want and always tell his kids no because they are not my kids. And that wouldn't make me a bitch at all would it?
Yes he took his kids to the
Yes he took his kids to the movies, also her kid and invited her other kid who said no. During that movie SM could have gotten all the bedding stuff, or better yet, she didn't have to ask to come along. She asked if she could tag along, not the other way around.
I stuck up for my kid, yes.
I stuck up for my kid, yes. Not my skid
I've never told him no to
I've never told him no to having his kids over night. He wasn't allowed over night visits while all the CPS stuff was going on, but other than that I've never kept him from seeing his kids.
Oh, you meant Redface. It's
Oh, you meant Redface. It's for safety reasons.
Not if I beat her kids and
Not if I beat her kids and constantly made them feel like they were pieces of shit under my boot. There's a fine line between being disengaged and being a complete and total bitch to a 9 year old kid who asked for something while on a shopping trip. Yes, this is all my kids fault, I should just go and apologise to this womam for my son asking if he could have something on a shopping trip. What the fuck was he thinking.
That's not crazy, if it is -
That's not crazy, if it is - lock me up.
No, she takes them shopping
No, she takes them shopping regularly and doesn't get my kids anything. It's not that I think she should be buying all my kids all this stuff and give in to their every whim. When I need to get my kids something and I'm not banking that week I do it with just them, I do not take my step kids with me and have them watch me get my kids what ever their hearts desire while I tell them no you can't have any thing. Disengaged or not, there's no reason to be a complete and total bitch to children.
He doesn't. This was actually
He doesn't. This was actually the first time in a very long time they all went somewhere together. My BS9 and her BS8 get along great. They call each other brother and play together all the time. Sometimes her son wants to stay with my kids and ExH when she takes her kids out, and the youngest daughter is my kids half sister and she just adores OBS. She's always cuddled up with him while they are there and some times those two really want mine to come along. But from what I was told, they were going to watch a movie at the theater and she wanted to come along with her three.
He has them EOWE. My kids and
He has them EOWE. My kids and their dad don't usually go with her and her kids shopping. But this was actually my weekend that I switched with him. That's how I know they had plans to go see a movie. On his next weekend he will be on call and the kids can't stay the night on those weekends so he asked me if he could have them Sat. after the soccer tournament and would bring them home Sunday night.
^^^YES, THIS!^^^
^^^YES, THIS!^^^
Agreed!
Agreed!
IF she used husband's money
IF she used husband's money to buy stuff for her kid (instead of CS) , then yes, she was out of line. Just as it isn't SM's responsibility to buy stuff for her SS, it isn't stepdad's responsibility to buy stuff for his SD.
This is a SAHM with kids from
This is a SAHM with kids from a previous marriage. Her husband should not be responsible for providing for those kids.
If she expects her husband to provide for her children, (his stepkids) while complaining about him paying CS for his bio kids, then she's an entitled bitch with balls the size of Texas.
Stepmoms and stepdads should not be expected to be financially responsible for their stepkids.
They do, she's five.
They do, she's five.
Just because a kid asks for
Just because a kid asks for something does not make them entitled. Come on now! Kids will ask for stuff. Especially if they see that their (step)siblings are getting something. That does not make them entitled or spoiled or bratty. Geez people. Not every skid is awful! A lot of you on here - your own bios are skids- but of course they are perfect skids
Not sure why the SM and Dad felt the need to take the kids shopping then.
I'm disengaged and not a fan of my skids but I wouldnt take my BS shopping for something and drag them along and make them stand by and watch all the stuff that my BS is getting. Honestly SM and BD should have done the shopping after OP's son was gone. It's on the BD AND the SM. No matter how disengaged you are or how much "I'm not the mom' there is still compassion and empathy and just being a nice person.
Being disengaged (to me) doesnt mean that your morals go out the window. It doesnt mean that you shouldnt take a child's feelings into consideration. Or that you just get to be a bitch because you are disengaged.
Not always.... Honestly I am
Not always.... Honestly I am getting so tired of hearing how all skids are jealous of what the bios have.
She isn't the child's parent.
She isn't the child's parent.
Oh heavens I'm not that
Oh heavens I'm not that petty. I'm not going to be filing charges or trying to take anyone to court. I just thought it was a bit rude that she has all this time to do her shopping and what not but she waits until my kids are there and refuses to even let their father get them anything because he pays CS...which I lowered so she wouldn't loose the house she lives in. I'm not expecting her to think about my kids everytime she goes and gets her kids something, I just think this wasn't so much disengagment as it was her being a bitch to him.
There's lots of little
There's lots of little incidents like this. Her behavior depends on factors. After the CPS incident she would tell BS9 that since she and his dad had a baby together that he just wasn't that important to his dad any more. Once when a soccer tournament was out of town she cleaned out the bank account so that he couldn't go. Once after their grandma left after a month long visit and the kids were over there, ExH took a shower and while he was doing that she loaded up my kids in her car brought them home and said ExH had taken off and she didn't know if he was ever coming back and she didn't want my little bastards(her exact words) in her house with her children. ExH was on the phone with me because he was freaking out that his wife who isn't supposed to be alone with his kids took off with his kids in her car. This incident happened after I refused to sign papers to let ExH take the kids across the border at this time which led to him canceling plans that SM was looking forward too.
I keep hearing that my feelings are so double standard because I disengaged from my skids. Yes I did, but again I don't purposely hurt their feelings. If we are all out together and they ask for something when the other kids are getting something I don't just tell them no. I don't try to make them feel singled out or unwanted in our home. Do I like them no, but other than Redface not being able to sleep over while my kids are home they aren't treated as if they are not liked.
I have no clue. All I know
I have no clue. All I know for sure that he isn't capable of being alone, and if he has two divorces then his family might think he had a hand in both.
It's not her disengagment
It's not her disengagment that bothers me, it's the blatant bitterness she has towards BS9. It's only him, the other two she just stays away from. I don't know why, if it's the CPS thing, the fact that he looks exactly like ExH to the T or if it's because her son and BS9 get along so well. I don't know what it is but she definitly has hatefulness towards him. That's what bothers me.
He's still with her...even
:jawdrop: He's still with her...even though HE, HIMSELF does not trust her alone with the kids... I don't know how you have stayed level about her, I'd be in jail.
It would seem I haven't, I
It would seem I haven't, I mean I'm bitching about a night light.
Thank you
Thank you
^^^Thank you Zero!!^^^
^^^Thank you Zero!!^^^
This is not about a night
This is not about a night light or bedroom essentials. You hate SM and have every reason to. However, to call your exH over this makes you look crazy. It's a night light. SM doesn't have to buy for your kids. All your problems are the result of your exH being with this woman who you hate and don't want around your children. The only way to solve that issue is to go back to court. Otherwise, take a step back and don't sweat the small things like this night light incident. There will be bigger issues to worry about with this situation.
The difference for me would
The difference for me would be whether or not the kid actually asked SM for the item or if he asked his father and the SM jumped in with 'no' rather than letting Dad answer or answering and deciding for Dad all on her lonesome.
No, SM does not have to buy the skids anything using her own money. Why SM thought it was a good idea to take six frickin' kids to a mall on visitation weekend to go shopping for her own three children (vs doing it another day or leaving skids home with Dad to do father/kid things) is beyond me.
However if SM is making the decisions and calling all the shots on whether or not he can or can't buy his kids something (his personal money) than this lady was being a controlling shove it in the skid's face b*tch with her wimp of a husband standing by like a whipped fool.
Should every kid 'get' something everytime a another kid gets something? No...but it's a pretty stupid idea to take all the children along and let three of them stand there watching you pick out nice new stuff for only three children. It wouldn't even be so bad if only one of any which kid was getting something and the other five were along for the ride and receiving nothing either (expect maybe the lunch out or breaded pretzel). But to take the bio-kids of yours and treat them to a shopping day while the other kids stand there just watching all the excitement of the day of half the children...of course they feel a bit hurt. It's not unnatural and it doesn't make them expected entitled selfish brats. Actually, I'm thinking the lady who deliberately plans a 3kid shopping day knowing full well she's taking six kids along is pitting three kids (hers) against the other kids (his) and daring anyone to say a peep.
Again, I don't expect a SM to purchase things for skids. It's not her responsibility. But I do expect a grown adult woman to use her head and plan her shopping trips accordingly. Why kick a kid, just because you can? Take your own kids and shop till you drop. Have a good time. Just don't expect everyone you instead chose to drag along on your little splurge to be thrilled with.
Since she had enough balls to
Since she had enough balls to clean out the account, I don't think she's a pearl clutching, meek little wife who will sit back and allow her husband to force her to do anything. Hell, he couldn't force her to buy a darn light. There's no way he could force her to take six kids on a shopping trip.
He doesn't, the mall was a
He doesn't, the mall was a planned thing for him and the kids. There were going to watch a movie at the theatre there and she wanted to come along. She was in the mall the entire time him and the three boys were in the movie, she could have done all that then. Instead she pulls money out and does it after they are done with the movie. And yes, they invited her kids too, her son went and saw the movie with them as did the youngest daughter who is my kids half sister.
I did't read Dad wanted to
I did't read Dad wanted to tag along. That Dad insisted him and the skids go. If it were said, I missed it and apologize for missing the simply stated. If however the whys and hows were omitted from the details as to why all six kids and Dad and SM were shopping all together in the mall...how do you know Dad wanted to go shopping. That he insisted he and the skids come along?
If indeed Dad insisted he and his children go on a sight seeing trip to just watch SM and her kids shop, he is a foolish man.
ETA: I see OP answered why they were at the Mall will I was posting. Dad was taking his kids to a movie and SM decided instead of doing the bio shopping while Dad and his kids were in movie, she'd just make the skids watch her shop afterwards. It was SM who invited herself to the outing and SM who decided to turn it into a bio kid only shopping spree. She could have easily shopped while the movie was playing or planned the big shopping for another day.
The only reason I know it was
The only reason I know it was planned for him and the kids before hand is because it was on my time. He called and asked if he could have the kids after the soccer tournament the day before because he wanted to take them to see a movie that I won't go take them to see cause I don't care for scary movies.
Spanking aside....I feel
Spanking aside....I feel sorry for this SM.
I mean damn...she gets crap because she did not buy skid something. Her husband threw her under the bus to BM. And her skids spy on her and report back to BM. Makes my skin kinda crawl.
Thank you Ima. I don't even
Thank you Ima. I don't even know why I'm going to try to defend myself or my kids. It does no good, but no I do not have my kids spy on her and report back to me. I don't ask anything specific about her. After BS9 said this, yes I asked my oldest for clarification because yes I do know kids tend to embelish. Other than that I don't much care what she does as long as she keeps her damn hands to herself.
I'm sorry your son had hurt
I'm sorry your son had hurt feelings from that trip, I think that's an honest reaction...and talking to mom about it is a normal response. I don't think I'd bother to get involved because your EXH obviously didn't feel like poking the bear at home, which is pathetic on his part - I'd just take him to get his own new stuff. There are always going to be inequities, if you feel like he needs/deserves/should have those things...buy them. At least then you'll have the peace of mind in this situation.
I didn't read all 5 pages of
I didn't read all 5 pages of comments, however….If EVER on this planet Earth, any bitch is born that would DARE to lay a hand on any of my children, a fucking nightlight would be the LAST thing on my mind. Sorry OP, my ass would've caught a case and GLADLY.
Edit to add: And your ExH is a fucking dickhead. If his wife does these shopping trips with her Bio's frequently, (which she is totally entitled to do) and he knows he can't afford to buy anything for HIS kids, then he needs to stay home with HIS kids and let the SM do her with her own kids.
My guess is while Dad was at
My guess is while Dad was at the movie, SM looked at the bedding things and then after the movie was over she showed them to dad and then bought them. I think we're all reading way more into this than what happened. Way too much drama over something so small. Worry about the bigger things.
WOW...THIS ONE IS A HARD
WOW...THIS ONE IS A HARD ONE...
IMHO SM should have never an should never take all kids to the mall... I am disengaging from my SD9 and I would be darn if I take her anywhere, leave a lone shopping, not even eating out! she is a total brat and has horrible manners! but that a side, I am not an evil person and would hate to see my kids in that position, looking like puppies while everyone else buys stuff...
But I truly feel like there is a piece of the story that is missing... and BD is the one to blame!
in another note, If anyone EVER touches my kids, girl, you guys will have to help me out with bail money cuz I am going to jail lol
BS9 didn't ask his dad after
BS9 didn't ask his dad after SM said no. I don't know what was said at the store after my bios went to the pet store but ExH went and told BS9 that he was going to get him the night light. Don't get me wrong, I know my kids can be real assholes at times, but generally no, they're not coniving little brats who always say gimme gimme gimme.
What if SM acted this way
What if SM acted this way because BD has a history of buying for skids and then she doesn't have money for their household. I just think that while the 9 year old child was upset, it was a night light, an impulse purchase. It wasn't anything serious to get upset over. What is going on in that household is way more complicated and none of us including Evil are ever going to know everything. Pick your battles with this situation. There are going to be a lot of them.
I could understand SM's point
I could understand SM's point if she were shopping for her 5 year old (her husband's kid). But to take that view when you're using money he earned to payint for something for your kid??? WRONG, WRONG, WRONG
ExH planned the mall trip
ExH planned the mall trip with the boys to see a movie because his next weekend visit he is on call and can't have them over night when he is on call. SM asked if she and her kids could come along to the mall. SM's BS8 and the bio they have together wanted to see the movie so all five of them went and saw the movie. SM and her BD10 didn't want to see the movie. After the movie they met up at a certain store, that's when SM starts looking for beding; originally ExH told the three that are mine and the other two they were going to go out to eat. During the movie SM pulled out the rest of ExH paycheck and when BS9 asked if he could have a night light or a blanket she said no. My three went across to the pet store to look at snakes and fish(they want one of each at my house...no) and ExH went to get BS9 and told him he would get the ngiht light. His card was declined, later that night, all kids..hers, theirs, and mine heard the loud argument that ensued after ExH found out his card was declined because she yanked his paycheck out because he pays CS and shouldn't be spending any more money of his kid from a previous relationship. Sunday afternoon BS9 told me that his feelings were hurt because SM doesn't like him, when I asked him why he thought that he told me the night light story...I then asked the 17 year old to clarify incase BS9 was embelishing what was happening who told me the rest of the story. When I asked ExH about it he confirmed the story too.
Does this clear any of the confusion?
It was a bitchy move.... I
It was a bitchy move....
I think we all have those from time to time, but this is where I find myself torn... we pay a very high CS, in my state, CS is meant to support the needs of said child, including clothes and shelter...we have to buy clothes for SD9 every season because her mom sends her over with skin tight, dirty clothes or small for her size yoga pants... Anyway, this upsets me, because my husband and I share accounts and budget everything, but that's something I will have address in our next court hearing, whenever that is...
Anyway, I know how this SM feels about buying things...BUT a night light for the room is stupid to fight a 9 year old for! and she should never tease the kids like that!
Oh no I agree completely. DH
Oh no I agree completely. DH pays quite a bit of CS too. If we buy his kids something it's for them at our house. We don't buy things that the BM's need to buying for them with the CS.
And in all honesty, I know a
And in all honesty, I know a lot of people here feels like you are acting like a crazy BM, but if anyone ever touches my kids, the bad blood would never go away... I think she was within her right of saying no, taking all your ex's money out of the account is batshit crazy and mean...period...
In August I got a lump chunk
In August I got a lump chunk of change from an amended tax return...all my kids, the skids room, and me and DH's bedroom were all redone. Everyone got to pick out what they wanted for there room. I did get BS9 a small table lamp that matches what he picked out.
The skids were not there when I got that money, but when they came and saw my kids new stuff not one of them (including) dPPP asked for anything, I was floored. SS7 and STA told OBS and BS14 how cool their stuff was. I talked to DH and we agreed on getting them some new stuff for their room. He took them to pick out their stuff. No, it isn't as much or as elaborate as the bios room because they aren't there full time, but each got to pick out what they wanted and so far have taken good care of it. I think we came to the right decision.
I thought about this one
I thought about this one overnight.
I think the problem is, unless/until SM crosses the lines of legal abuse (and it must be quite terrifying as a mom to have this concern a reality), you have to stay out of exH/SM's household.
It doesn't matter how wrong they are, unless it crosses that line, because it's the unfortunate reality of parenthood. Protecting our kids from bad people, helping them cope with the ones they can't avoid.
I think I would feel the same as you, but I would also have to swallow my feelings and try to help my kid deal. It's a lot for an adult, certainly for a 9yo.
Both DH and the Smom both
Both DH and the Smom both sound kind of nuts. What adult man would stay with someone that beat their child? Not most people, would be my guess. The level of denial must be insane. Maybe he still resents her and that is why he threw her under the bus? I would have left someone that was capable of child abuse.
Yep. I would be livid about
Yep.
I would be livid about the hitting- especially if it was a belt- and we'd be in court.
Anything else- not your business. BD can be an asshole. SM can be an asshole.
They can spend their money on whatever they want. Any financial or marital issues bm and sd have are none of your business.
If things really went down exactly as stated, it sucks, for sure- but I would help my kids process rather than flip on ex.
And I can say that with confidence because my ex kicked my kids out of the house in the middle of the night and hasn't spoken to them since. I still have not said a nasty word about him and have tried to be supportive of my kids without trashing their dad (as much as I might like to)