Gay step
A while back one of my stepkids told his bio that their sexual preference was homosexual. Ultimately, the child was told to leave the home unless they renounced their sexual identity. This resulted in the child (18 years of age) moving in to my home. It was a sad situation and the behavior of bio mom was disgusting-including an attempt to rally her other children in a campaign to destroy her own child. *shudder*
Now, after a month of this child in my home- the relationship that was the catalyst for this disclosure of sexuality has dissolved. Today, this child announced that they would now begin pursuing relations with the opposite sex. WHAT????
Background- as each of the steps has aged to late teen years, all have campaigned to move in to my home. I have opposed this because during their visits they have demonstrated a great deal of disrespect towards their father and I knew this was merely an attempt to play parents against each other for personal gains. Not that I fault them because they are young, but these two bio parents have poor relations. Biomom has used the children as weapons against the father and encouraged disrespect. Because of the dysfunction, I have kept my interactions at a minimum lest the children go back home to biomom and try to tell her I have tried to discipline them in some way (knowing this would create more needless drama). If I ever have an issue with behaviors, I ask my husband to handle his children and remain neutral for the sake of my own children and to keep the ex wife daggers at bay.
So, for the past year this child, like the other siblings has campaigned hard to move in to my household. Repeatedly we have refused and encouraged cooperation with biomom assuring that this is brief and soon college will come. We have encouraged respectful behavior and following rules regardless of our personal views on how she runs her home. I cannot help but feel at the present that this child has manipulated everyone into believing the homosexuality as a ploy to get thrown out of biomom's home and accepted in to ours. Learning from the older siblings- who attempted and failed previously, I believe this was a deceptive attempt to garner sympathy from us and move in to my home.
What I have written here is not nearly covered all the nuisances of the situation. Just providing you with this limited information- would you kindly weigh in on your reactions and thoughts on the matter? All opinions and feelings are tremendously appreciated-
Best Regards
1st Question- Not entirely
1st Question- Not entirely sure- My household is a lot stricter, but we are more liberal in our ideology- I am atheist, dad is agnostic (BM is a religious zealot, but doesn't practice or attend any church to my knowledge-all preach, no practice) I am the type of parent who wants to know who you are spending time with and if I don't get a good read on your associates, they are banned. Zero tolerance on the drink/drug behaviors, and NO YOU CANNOT DRIVE MY CAR- buy your own. Their mother demands they work, but takes all their earnings. I suppose this is because she has never worked before- perhaps the main issue is their step dad- I believe the friction in that household between step and kids has caused problems. Biodad is not a disney dad, but there is a lot of guilt based parenting.
2nd Question- I was 14 years a widow, I purchased my home for me and my children before I had met these folks- only my name is on the deed- hence, my home.
Obviously, I don't know if
Obviously, I don't know if the homosexuality claim was honest, but don't assume that bc the relationship ended SK can't change his/her mind on preferences. I know firsthand that this can absolutely happen genuinely. If there was truly a genuine same sex relationship and it ended, I would not doubt the story unless you have some other proof that the change in heart (no pun intended) was a ploy. Just my two cents.
Sexual orientation has no
Sexual orientation has no bearing on acceptable compliance with house behavioral and participation rules.
Stick to the rules. The Skid's sexual orientation and how he addresses it in his life decisions are entirely on him.
Since your skid has
Since your skid has "renounced" homosexuality, why can't he/she move back with BM?
I am wondering the same. I
I am wondering the same. I think it may have to do with a job- BM claims the job is the source of the sexuality..."recruited" to use her words. She insists the job be left in addition to renouncing. Oy Vey!
Like others have said, sexual
Like others have said, sexual orientation has nothing to do with following house rules! Rules are rules!
That said, I'm beginning to wonder these days if there are a lot of young folks out there changing their orientation willy nilly to get what they want. I mean, HHB has ALWAYS been boy crazy! We are not talking just kind of. When BS20 was still at home and HHB lived here, every single time one of his friends would show up, the little tart would come prancing out of her room in shorts her butt hung out of the bottom of and some crop top! She would be all flirty with BS20's friends. The last two summers found her prancing around the pool in a bikini, taking boob selfies (for those who don't know what these are, they are selfies that only show enough of the face to see one's mouth...focus is on the boobs), and posting about all the cute guys at the pool! Back in November to early December, HHB was lying about staying after school to go make out with some guy (DH has finally agreed with me that he is pretty sure this is what she was doing based on the fact that it seems strange that every time she was "involved" with a guy, she suddenly had reasons to stay after school every day). Just before she left our house, she got popped for sneaking out to go meet guys (the punishment for this was the reason she pleaded with BM to let her move back in...lying about her treatment at our house). Just a few days after moving into BM's, HHB declares that she has a GIRLFRIEND and she isn't into guys anymore? Strange thing is, she makes this declaration after reconnecting with emo friend (who IS a lesbian). Guess what? Emo friend has a car and will take her anywhere she wants to go. Hmmmmm....
I say this because I don't know whether or not to truly believe that HHB is lesbian or bisexual...or if she is just using sex as a means to get what she wants, and she doesn't care who with!! It is sad for kids to use sexual orientation in this way, where there are kids out there truly struggling with these issues! To me, it's like lying about being raped to get attention while there are other girls out there living the day to day nightmare after really having to live though such an ordeal.
Sadly sex seems to have
Sadly sex seems to have become a recreational sport for many young people over the past couple of decades even more so than it was before. Getting laid regardless of the gender of the partner and the orientation of both sex partners does not seem to be much of a consideration.
A good friend of mine had three lipstick lesbian daughters in college who all married and had kids with their husbands after graduating from college.
He actually encouraged them to have female partners in college as extra insurance against single pregnancy.
It will be interesting to see the long term implications the fluid sexual orientation trends we are seeing these days will have on emotional health and families.
I have no issues with gays, gay marriage, gay adoptions, etc... But, stability is hard to obtain with young men and young women who hop back and forth over the sexual orientation line on a whim.
"I have no issues with gays,
"I have no issues with gays, gay marriage, gay adoptions, etc... But, stability is hard to obtain with young men and young women who hop back and forth over the sexual orientation line on a whim."
Agreed! It scares me how "lose" the younger generations are becoming! Sure, it appears all over the media these days, so this generation is being fed sex everywhere...in the music, in TV, in movies. And it isn't just sex in the traditional sense, but sex of all kinds! Heterosexual relations, same sex relations, group sex...it is so sad that so many have so little respect for their bodies...for themselves...to just engage in it so........without feeling! It hurts the cause for both the hetero and the LGBT communities! I mean, how can either side argue marriage and such, when there are those who have no regard for having a real bond and relationship with another human being!
*lol* We survived the 60's,
Agree with others who have
Agree with others who have suggested you just forget the whole "gay" thing entirely. It has NO bearing on your current situation.
The kid is 18, and apparently has a job. A lot of people have the rule that only a child in school can live with them, which is reasonable. Many require adult children to pay rent in addition, which is also reasonable. And, of course, EVERYONE living in your home should follow your rules. I have yet to hear anyone with the rule "You must be gay to live in my house" though.
Forget that bit, seriously, it's irrelevant. As long as the kid is obeying your house rules, whatever they are, then you're fine. If he's breaking the rules, then kick him out.