Bookmarking this because my SS is 15 and I will be in the same boat as you in a few years so I am hoping to get some advice.

What does your hubby say when you talk to him about it? Have they always lived there, did they move in at 18? Do they do anything? Is there an age at which their dad will/would say OK, out?

I say now that this would be a deal breaker for me, but, like Drac0, I will probably be in this situation in a few years.

Ummm...my DH has skid living with him full time. My son.

Before DH and I married, we discussed what would happen once kids turned 18. We came to the decision that any kid/skid over 18 could live with us if they were in college full time and had a part time job. Once that was no longer happened they would have 3-6 months to get out of our house.

My DS is 21. Graduated college 6 weeks ago. He got his dream job about 3 weeks ago and is still working his part time job. (just on the weekend nights)

His deadline to move is 6/1/15. But he really does not need a deadline because he is already trying to move into an apartment early next month or April. I will be an empty nester! Happy and sad all at the same time. haha

Sit your DH down and see if he can agree to something like this above. It is absurd to just let kids not be productive at that age.

DH and I had this discussion with all of our kids at 18yo you move out or move to college their choice and whatever BM pays for college we will match. Of course youngest SD has never been held reasonably responsible for actions so her response was"daddy said i could always stay with him" i told her that was fine he could move out with her and went on to tell her not to get her hopes up because at 18 he will be ready to let her leave the nest. Theres a reason puberty and teenage years come before adulthood....so parents are past ready to let the kids go at 18. Anywho if the kids arent meeting the rules you set forth kick them out...this is the real world.

This isn't my SS but my BS18. He lives with us FT, but he's in college FT and working PT. He does his share around the house, pays for his own gas and car insurance, and uses his own money for miscellaneous spending. If he was 18 and doing nothing with his life, that would be a different story.

I have YSS19 living with us. He isn't as awful as some but it still drives me slightly insane. (Read my blog for a bit of background but basically we took him to live with us when he was dropping out and had just be diagnosed with major health problems)

- He works. This is a major condition of me agreeing to this arrangement.
- We have a study which acts as his living room. It gives us couple space in the main living room and eliminates fights over the remote control. It also means I'm not subjected to his gaming antics. I can just shut the door.
- My DH does all the cleaning. I refuse to clean up SS's messes.
- He is mostly polite (When he's not its awful)
- He knows that he needs to be independant and wants to work towards getting out on his own.

However, he is still a work in progress. Here's an example - I got home from work yesterday very late. DH is away on business. I stuck my head around the door of his living room to say hi. SS had ordered pizza with all of the extras. This is fine as he pays for it with his money. I asked him to put the boxes in the garbage when he was done. Does any one want to bet where the boxes where when I got up for work? I'll give him points for moving all but one to the kitchen but he didn't get as far as the bin. LOL. He got up out of his chair and went as far as the kitchen but couldn't complete the task...

I have told him to his face and not in the heat of an arguement "I am not your mother. It is not my job to love you unconditionally. You have to work at making me like you. Its like a relationship with a friend/teacher/boss." This has helped as we know where we both stand.

Also he is going to be very difficult to launch with his medical issues. When you add this to the fact that he has no life skills (cooking, cleaning, etc) so he isn't an ideal room mate.

Finally we live in a mega city with insane rents so when he goes DH will probably have to subsidise him. This doesn't bother me as it would be worth it.

I think you should give it a little Longer. Try try to encourage the kids and do t throw them out yet. 25 I see but 18 and 20 is still young to me. :/ maybe check into getting them a travel trailer and park it into a camp site. That's a cheap way to live on flipping burgers. Maybe you can find a trailer park close to the burger joint

Right, I am one of 5. My parents had pretty simple rules when it came to being "adults" living at home.

As soon as any of us had left full time education and were working then we were required to pay rent. One of my step brothers wanted to be a mechanic so whilst he was working he was receiving a lesser wage so rather than the rent being a fixed amount my parents did it based on a percentage. Approximately a third of the wage. This money covered rent, utilities and helped towards shopping, you had no input in what was being bought/spent so if you wanted anything specifically you were still expected to sort it yourself.
The rent increased whenever your pay did.

Also whilst remaining to live at home we were expected to help with household chores.

I didnt like some of the rules so I left home shortly before I turned 19, and moved in with my boyfriend. One of my step brothers also didnt like some of the rules which led to him being kicked out, he had to sleep in his car.

I will not say that Im great with money but I can budget and I think its down to back then. However it really does depend on the individual.
Fast forward now, Im the youngest at 24, all my step siblings are 28-32, yet one of my step brothers is still reliant.

Personally I want to be doing a similar thing for any older teens/adults living in my home. If they are choosing to stay on in education thats fine but they need a part time job to fund themselves. Once they are out and working they need to be paying rent. Some people say if you charge rent they will never be able to save and move out but they will if they want to.
In my first job I was only earning 900 a month, 300 a month went to my parents for rent. But lets face it, when your living at home with your parents with all bills paid you dont need your full paycheck and your setting them up for failure if they come to expect having the whole of their paycheck to spend.

secondgeneration - your upbringing was similar to mine. my parents however took half my wages.
i can budget and as you rightly said my wages now i do not get to spend all of it.
i will be dong this with skids although the problem is them getting of their backsides and getting a job in the first place. SO wont kick them out therefore we have a stalemate situation.