Well, its been a while since I have posted here. As for my situation, things are different. I have disengaged from my SDs now 16 and 6, about a year ago and I am better. I no longer allow what they do or don't do stress me out anymore. I let my wife handle whatever comes along with them. My disengaging I think has also pushed them further away from me. When I am home alone with them, they'll go in their room and stay there until either I feed them, or their mother comes home. I am not too fond of this life, but at least I am not stressed. My wife and I don't fight as much either. We were always fighting about the kids. Her laid back style of discipline conflicts with my no nonsense approach. That caused a lot of conflict. My wife is under much more stress now. Her kids stress her out and at times she complains to me about it, but that is decreasing. She still does not admit just how much stress she is under, but I know. I see it. I feel better personally, and am going to continue to stay disengaged. I have had some slip ups and could have ended up in situations where I lose control, but I didn't. My therapist pointed out to me how I let people manipulate me through my anger. I am not allowing that to happen. I am recognizing these traps and walking away. Its not easy, and its not ideal, but I need to consider my sanity and health. I love my SDs, I do. I take care of them, I provide for them, I spend time with them and I do for them, but I have top love myself as well and do what I need to be the best me I can be.