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Wife and SD16 at war

daddyrob's picture

Submitted by daddyrob on Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:22pm

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Step/Bio Father's Den

Now, I usually stay out of it when my wife and her daughter, SD16 war. I don't take sides. I have defended both in the past and that has blown up in my face every time. So due to that, I no longer interfere. My issue is that I somehow end up in the argument. Both of them have the habit of treating me like dirt when they fight with each other, as if its MY fault. Apparently in the argument today, SD 16 claimed that I blame HER for everything. She got on the whole "You don't love me", "you love him more" or even that my wife loves her younger sister more than her. Is it just me or is 16 too old for that? I have tried, really tried to treat this child as a young adult and tried to reach out to her and help her and advise her. 2 weeks ago after another huge fallout with my wife, I sent her a long detailed text explaining feelings and advising on how she can help make the situation better, and there was NO response. I am honestly not looking forward to coming home tonight because of the attitudes that will be had. I know the best thing for me to do is to just stay out of it, but it is hard when I will be the one catching backlash from it as well as SD6 and my own BD3 who I'm sure will be ignored today cause SD16 is angry. Tired of this bullshit.

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Mon, 11/02/2015 - 3:54pm

To be honest...that type of attitude and behavior are exactly what 16 yr olds do. No big shock there.
The fact that you get drug into the arguement is because you allow it.
The first time either DW or SD bring YOUR name up...stop that shit immediately. Tell them "HELL NO...DO NOT bring me into this mess" and walk away.
Nothing good comes from getting in between two women fighting....
If they are in shitty moods when you get home, take the two younger ones out for ice cream, watch a cute show with them or keep them entertained and ignore DW and SD.
Let your DW calm down after these fights (I know from experience it will take a while after a blow up with the teen) and just go on as normal. Don't ignore her or treat her like crap...just go on as normal and maybe the NEXT day let her vent about whatever it was that set them off. DO NOT offer advise on how to fix it or bash the SD. Just listen...express your understanding of her frustration and let her get it out. Nod and say "I know babe...that has to be frustrating" and I promise you will have a much happier home.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Tue, 11/03/2015 - 7:24am

Sweet 16...NOT! I remember those days, they were Hell }:) The best thing you can do as a step dad is duck and cover. Your wife is trying to parent and control her daughter while sd16 is spreading her wings and asserting herself. Don't text sd, don't get involved at all. This is not your battle.