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i feel awkward in my home a lot

member1234l's picture

Submitted by member1234l on Tue, 02/03/2015 - 1:04am

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We are actually engaged. And have lived together for 3 1/2yrs. But not only do we share our home with his daughter every other weekend...but we also have had a roommate live with us the entire time too. Its his friend...now best friend! When he and I get into a fight...he goes into the roommates room and hangs out with him for days, avoiding me. This happens all the time. Its like he has a built in play buddy to escape any disagreements we may have. Anyway, I have grown to hate the roommate....he is a very bad influence on my fiance. All he wants to do is drink smoke pot and play video games...in which my guy participates. The roommate is extremely lazy. The roommate and I have gotten into very loud arguments a few times, I cant stand him! He has called me names and screamed in my face. This has happened multiple times all while my fiance watches and doesnt say a thing. Im at the point where I cant do this anymore, I dont think I should have to deal with this. I told my fiance its either me or him. He said he wouldnt choose. I feel very disrespected. Im over this living situation. We're all 31yrsold....I feel like he would rather marry the roommate most days. This feels very abnormal and not right. I dont know what to do other than leave.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Tue, 02/03/2015 - 1:46am

Your boyfriend lets the roommate scream at you and get in your face? What else do you need to know? No man worth keeping would let another man disrespect his woman in that manner. Like kathc said - go get a man.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 2:54pm

You should have no time for a partner that will tolerate anyone getting in your face. Call the locksmith and rekey the locks the next time they are both out together and call it good riddance.

Sell their shit.

Move on and take care of yourself.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Tue, 02/03/2015 - 3:27am

You've written this basic same post over and over for the last year. I suppose the one main difference is now you are engaged. The SD is the same, the BF is the same and the roommate is the same if not worse. Yet now BF asked you to marry him and you said yes.

You're obviously not ready yet to leave this guy and start over, so I'm not sure what you want anyone to say. Is it's that you're wasting your time with this loser? Is it that the roommate is a total ass and BF should be standing up to him? You already know those things are true and no one I doubt here will disagree. The BF is happy. The SD is happy. Even the roommate is happy. The only one in your home unhappy and finds a problem with your living arrangement and situation is you. Your BF isn't going to toss the roommate out. He isn't going to change his ways on the SD visitation weekends. You've been at this for 3 1/2 years, it's all the exact same now as it's been all along. Except now you're engaged.

I hope someday when you're ready you finally find the strength to seek the happiness and life you deserve.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Tue, 02/03/2015 - 5:43am

Stop being an ASKhole.

You know, the person who asks for advice and then refuses to take it.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Submitted by Easylikesundaymornin on Tue, 02/03/2015 - 8:01am

Read the writing on the wall ~ get out ~ this sounds so foolish.

Choke it up to a lesson learned ~ if you met a man over 25 who has a roommate , run like freakin hell

texanTD12's picture

Submitted by texanTD12 on Tue, 02/03/2015 - 8:42am

Oh yes, no question asked, it is time to go. It will be hard at first but one day you will find the right man for you that will never second guess your relationship. Did you ask him to never speak to this friend again or simply for him to not live with you guys?

But if what these ladies say is true, and you are living a groundhog day over and over, then you enjoy the drama and misery or you would leave or stand up for yourself.

What is so wonderful about your life to keep you there?

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Tue, 02/03/2015 - 10:15am

He refuses to choose? What is he getting a little som'in' som'in' from his roommate too?

This guy is showing AND telling you who he is. Why would you want to marry someone when you are (at best) his second priority? Sounds more like you are his fourth or fifth: roommate, drinking, drugs...etc etc etc

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 02/03/2015 - 10:25am

TED is ur roommate?

darlin', that shit only plays out well in the movies. not real life.

blayze's picture

Submitted by blayze on Tue, 02/03/2015 - 10:34am

Google "control by triangulation", then gracefully flee the triangle. Either your "man" is a narcissist or a gay boy. Why are you staying?

abitguarded's picture

Submitted by abitguarded on Wed, 02/04/2015 - 4:55pm

If a man won't choose in the situation....then YOU are not his priority at all! You need to pack up and move on. Don't think you can "change" him....you can't. Love yourself enough to get out and find someone that will make you his first choice and never put you in a situation like this.

Janekades's picture

Submitted by Janekades on Wed, 02/18/2015 - 9:21am

Everyone is so quick to say " move on" but that really isn't very helpful.

I was in this situation with my DH as well a few years ago. Same thing, frat boys, I cleaned up after them… ect. Want to know what I did? I evicted the roommate.

I gave him the legal 3 months notice to move out. He refused to move out on that day so I called the police and they evicted him. DH was upset but I gave him the choice to stay here where he is taken care of, or go live with your friend. He chose our home lol

If you are renting you can do the same thing as well. Just go to your landlord and say there is an unauthorized tennant in the house. They will give them a month to move out.