This step parent thing is tough !!!! I thought it was me, but I have been reading for several days and I am not alone in a lot of my feelings.

I get the dreaded anger feeling days before I know we are going to have him for the week or weekend. I can't explain it but I also cant control or stop it. I have tried.

Its not that he is a very bad kid, he is not. My husband and I have no kids together and mine are grown and out on there own, He had a child later in life so he has child support, weekends and rotating holidays.

We dated for 2 years prior BUT I never had to deal with the SS overnight just interacted with him on some days and events. (It was in there agreement that neither parent could have him sleep over if another adult(none family member) was there) So when we moved in together on his weekends he would take him to his mothers for the night and him and ss would stay there. So I had my alone time, and I would get up in the morning and go over to spend time with them during the day.
Now before leaving his mothers house he would always have him pick up all his stuff / maker his bed ex.. and then take him home sunday night.

Fast forward, we get married and now ss can stay in our home with us. World changes. Sunday night comes and he takes him home. All his stuff is left just laying around the house, he makes him pick up nothing and I am now instant maid? (because i can't stand a mess or stuff out of place) I do it for a long time but resentment is building.

Now on weekends when we have him he takes over the house, TV has to be on what he want's to watch our world revolves around SS and this wears on me, It's my weekend too and my time to relax away from work. My kids are grown and gone and now I am having to do it again. Complicates things because we have completely different parenting ways. Things that I would never have allowed my kids to do, he is fine with SS going and it drives me crazy. Yes sir yes maam? REQUIRED of my kids no exceptions. Toys in the living room? one at a time before you bring another out the fist must be put away, and they all need to be away before you go to bed. Hubby lets him have tons out and my living room looks like a play room and it drives me to distraction. He has his own room with a TV and lots of toys but he has a ROOM for these things they do not go all over the house.

It's a work in progress and a huge adjustment that I am trying to deal with. DH is trying to change also and work with me, now If SS goes home and I have to pick up things there gone for 30 days and hubby so far has been supportive. So at least I have that where it sounds like a lot on here don't.

Money was never an issue prior because it was his/mine. When we married its ours and we have purchased a new home. Well with CS and the fact that we provide clothing and everything for SS at our house money is touchey. I used to keep nails done, hair done and be able to go out, now I dont do those things because CS is WAY high for one child and he can't pay half of expenses and cover that So I have to put more in towards bills to keep everything covered.

I don't want to have the feelings of resentment I have towards SS. But I don't feel I can correct him but so much, He is not mine he has a mom and dad and honestly I get tired of being the evil SM. I'm always the one correcting, pick up this pick up that. SS has a horrible issue with interupting adult conversations and hubby does try to correct him, but it does not stop. Maybe because its just him and BM at homo he feels like he should/ can be involved in all conversations but no your 10 bud out if it does not involve you. I can not stand when I know he is coming over, To be honest my boys were boys, he is not my blood and it drives me crazy that he acts years younger then he is and has no idea how to entertain himself and is in our business the entire time he is here.

He is also obsessed with food, you can not get or eat anything without him being right there "what is that" can i have some? He does have a weight issue 10 years old and wears a 16 husky. ( BM does not cook so his meals are fast food or microwave food when he is at home) At my house he gets 3 meals a day and we try to help him, but its hard to undo what she does during the time she has him and my hubby will normally give in and give him more food or junk because he feels bad that he is used to getting it at home and can't have it at our house. My point is your hurting him in the long run not helping him by giving in.

I know that BM is part of the problem with my feelings towards SS. She is not a good person, feeds him junk 24/7 and treats him like he is 5, she does everything for him and that's why he is like this. So It is really not his fault all these things that grate my nerves are caused by her but I can not seem to control the feelings of dread that I have when he is coming over.

Little things like I came home and hubby was allowing ss on my lap top computer. Umm no I am not ok with that, its the only home computer I have as the Desktop died and we have not been able to get another one yet. But I know if I had said anything it would have been a fight and a huge deal.

Trying to set boundaries without being the Horrible Step mom but its hard. How to you merge two families with no kids together and when you both have completely different parenting ways?