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SS Girlfriend sleeping over

spartan92's picture

Six months ago the 17 year old SS starts sleeping with his GF in the house. Wife and I are supposedly in agreement that no sleepovers and a curfew are needed. Ironically, enforcing this just ends up in fights between her and I on a regular basis. We tried having family discussions, rules etc that the wife would not ever enforce. I decide 4 months ago to shut my mouth abruptly one day and you know what? Peace. No arguments, but the GF sleeps over 5 of 7 nights, sometimes more. Kids use protection ect, but doesn't seem to be a problem at all for the bio mom that this is going on. I've said my piece in the past and made the decision so far to keep my mouth shut to save my marriage. But getting a real kick in the teeth emotionally because I feel strongly this is wrong to have kids openly sleeping together while just in high school. Difficult situation and wondered if anyone else has gone through something like this.

spartan92's picture

I feel I've been through the phase of trying to put my foot down. I even had an incident where the girlfriend had slept over and the three were trying to hide it. The wife and I were going out of town that morning but i discovered them together and wife and I got into a very heated argument. From that day on I shut my mouth and was done interfering in something my wife is not morally opposed to. Honestly, I always dealt with her being permissive and not disciplining him. But I never looked quite so far ahead to the ramifications of that permissiveness until this happened. Drugs and alcohol she is much more diligent about and we have unity on that, but this is one point I seem to be in the other corner. I do feel she was placating me before because once i shut up she never said a word to them. Not once. Plus, she's in college and from a broken dysfunctional home so nobody really cares what she does I believe.

ChiefGrownup's picture

The day sd15's bf sleeps over is the day I go back to my own house (which I still own). I simply do not have to give up my status as an adult and a homeowner because my spouse came with children. Also, spartan92, you may wish to read the blogs of Unfuckingreal on this site. Adventures of a 16 year old dad, quite a read to help you envision the future your wife is flirting with.

still learning's picture

I have four sons and I agree, NO WAY! There is no way any teenage girl is ever sleeping over. On the other hand my ex husband allows my 19 yr old daughter to have her boyfriend and guy friends sleep over at his house. I'm opposed to it but he like OP's wife my ex doesn't want conflict so lets her do whatever she wants.

still learning's picture

^^^exactly. DH let ss30 move his gf into the house. They set up shop and played home for a year while DH footed the bill! That was before he and I were married.

StepMat789's picture

We have six kids between us and wow is all I have to say. One of my SKIDS fell "in love" with a best friend and all of a sudden it was "ok" that we had two kids in a relationship spend the night together at the age of 16 and of the same sex. Seriously, makes my skin crawl. I am not a homophobic person, it was because the two were in a "relationship" and sleeping together while the other kids were in the house. Then the rule became she wasn't allowed to sleep over while my kids were there. Still Gross.

However, when oldest SS wanted his GF to spend the night...he used the fact that his father was allowing the other skid to do so.

I flipped my shit over this one as there were four more kids at home and I am not running a brothel. Gay/Straight...doesn't matter. I was not allowing this to occur any further. I was mad at myself for not stopping it, but I finally did.

Until the SKID moves out there is no reason for them to be sleeping with a GF/BF in my home.

spartan92's picture

Yeah, it is really crazy and I'm probably insane for taking the stand I have. After three months I shut my mouth because i couldn't deal with the bickering and shit. Truth is, the SS and his GF fight every other day. They hole up in that bedroom and don't come out. I've allowed it to go on for this long, but honestly if they got pregnant that might tear a much larger hole in our marriage than this issue would.

Rags's picture

So don't allow it. Tell all three of them that the next, and every, time it happens you will have the GF hauled out of your home in cuffs by the police. If GF's parents are so useless as to not deal with this then her growing arrest record should be no concern to her or to them.

Have fun. I would. }:)

seekingpatience's picture

what could she be arrested for? i agree though... i would NOT allow that to continue!!! i would also be interested to find out what the ages were and if there was anything illegal going on there...

misSTEP's picture

Tell your wife that if they want to have sex, they can do it in a car like teens since cars were invented!