Vacation Planning
I tried to post this yesterday, but it never went through.
So here is goes again. My father owns condo time and gives my sib and I one week a year to go and take our families where ever we want to. My husband and I have six kids between us ranging from 27 to 11. Two of his kids are adults and do not live with us and the other four do live with us. An argument started because I want to take my kids and his two kids that live with us on vacation and not the other two adult children. My reasons are simple...money and logistics. We do not have a vehicle large enough to accommodate everyone and we do not have the cash to pay for everyone's meals, gas, and activities. Now, if his two adult children paid even part of their way, I would be fine with it, but both of them always have their hands out and never pay anything forward.
My children go with their other parent for 7 weeks in the summer. So I only have a limited time with them to travel. My spouse actually said, do we have to take your kids...why can't we just take mine? Seriously?? I feel all the minor children are entitled to having us take them. The adult children are ADULTS.
I am to the point where I don't want to plan anything. I can understand my spouse wanting to take all of his kids. However, when you don't have the money to take all the kids and to me the adult kids are adults. They want to go they can pay their way and not sponge off of us. Last year my kids did not go on our vacation because they went with other parent due to timing issues.
This may be bitchy, but I feel since it is my father's time he is giving me. I have a right to have my children go and not feel bad because he wants his adult kids to go. One of the adult kids has a child and a significant other.
His adult kids can drive
His adult kids can drive there. He can have them pay a set amount in advance to cover meals. Then tell them they are responsible for their own expenses once you all get there.
I can understand him wanting to take his adult kids on vacation. His desire to do that is no different than your dad providing you and your sister with an annual vacation.
Your DH's remark about only
Your DH's remark about only taking his kids was a dick thing to say. I hope you ripped him a new one for that.
Sheesh, I'd be inclined to
Sheesh, I'd be inclined to say this is a gift from MY father to me. I CHOOSE to let you come and the SKids that live in this house. Adult skids can pay for their own vacation. If this is an issue, I will enjoy MY gift with MY bios only and you can figure out your own vacation.
Peace out.
LIKE!!!! Totally agree.......
LIKE!!!! Totally agree.......
That would be grand if his
That would be grand if his older kids would pay anything, but they do not. Last year one of the adult children did come and this child wouldn't even spring for a tank of gas when their father asked them too. Every meal and activity we paid for. Hence why I am not crazy about either one of the adult children going. If I had two weeks of condo time and the money I would be more than happy to take two vacations, one with his kids and one with mine. But, I don't and honestly, I just feel taking the minor children is appropriate.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to handle the vacation conversation so I don't totally make everyone up in arms?
Tell them how much it will
Tell them how much it will cost if they plan to go. ($200 for groceries, $300 for activities...) Tell them they have to give you the money 45 days in advance. Hell, take it a step further and require them to give you a deposit. If they were going on a cruise or Disney, they would have to pay a deposit and have the full amount paid in advance, so this should be no different.
When it comes to his kids
When it comes to his kids they are above mine. My kids and I are second class citizens all the way. I could write a book on all of this. I just don't know how to handle this. I really want to take my kids and I want his two skids to go, I just don't want to take all of us. I can't not afford it.
The condo is free the adult
The condo is free the adult spawn pay their own costs for everything else. Xportation, gas, food, entertainment, etc.....
If they bitch they pack their shit and leave the vacation condo. End of problem.
Not long after my brother and I finished engineering school our parents proposed a 3 family vacation to the beach in SC. They made it clear. Everyone paid their own transportation, food and entertainment and the cost of the beach house was split 3 ways based on the number of families not the number of peole in each family. It worked great and that is how we have done the joint family vacations since. Mom and dad actually sneek in paying extra because when all three families go out to dinner they insist on splitting the bill 3 ways. There are two of them, we have three total, and my brother has 5 total. So, mom and dad pay more than their share. Bro and I try to not allow it but it is not worth a battle with the rents. Of course bro gets the best deal. Cheap scate that he is.
Your DH is an idiot. Minors
Your DH is an idiot.
Minors who live with you are taken on vacations IF YOU CHOOSE TO TAKE THEM. Adults who live on their own should never be expected to be included at all. Since it's your father's time...just take YOUR children and leave your DH and his kids at home.
You need to get a spine and
You need to get a spine and tell your DH that your dad and you DO NOT need to provide a free vacation to adult step kids. He is a selfish jerk.
Why dont you stand up for yourself and your bio children???
With all the fighting and
With all the fighting and bickering about whose going and whose not. I think you and DH should make it a get away just the two of you. NO KIDS.
Ok, that's not what you wanted or intended - but it might be nice.