My DD4 slept in my bed until I met DH. DH doesn't support co-sleeping and helped me stick to routine and consistently put her back to bed. It was really hard to get her to stay in bed and she still whines and wanders in every other night but I'm seeing progress. SS4 co-sleeps with his mom but doesn't do it at our house and he's with us half the time- so I do believe it's possible for independent sleeping to only happen in one home bc I live it.

Kids go through stages at different ages where they all of a sudden have irrational fears, at night especially. So once this is solved, it will probably creep up again later. Most kids who co-sleep are MORE secure in general, and less clingy and fearful. I would blame the entitlement and special treatment for the problem at your home, not that she really feels she can't sleep in her own bed.

It's very concerning that you are having a baby with this man and this seems to be a deal breaker for you. Would you really leave the father of your child because of this one issue?

For the life of me I do NOT understand mothers who do NOT have their young children 24/7....I could think of nothing worse than handing over my babies for 4 nights in a row at that age.

When my 16 year old son decided to co-habit 50/50 between his father and I my heart broke!!

Now, more about you... Just start a sleeping pattern that you want at your house and STICK TO IT. It will initially be hard work but once your train little Miss3 it will be for the best. She is only 3 though and big changes have obviously happened in her short life.

I don't believe there's evidence suggesting that babies and young children who co-sleep are more secure and less clingy. For one thing, secure has a specific psychological meaning - that the bond with a caregiver is reliable and positive. That has nothing to do with sleeping in the same bed.

"Clingy" can happen to any kid as part of their development - 1/3 of kids go through a period of being afraid of strangers while babies, another stage at about 2 years old, and again between 4-6. There is no evidence suggesting co-sleeping somehow 'skips' a kid through normal development.

There is, however, evidence suggesting that co-sleeping babies and young children don't form attachments to soft toys the way children who sleep alone do. I don't consider that enough information to label a child more secure and less clingy, but I guess some would.

My suggestion is that you and SO decide what your goal is (SD sleeping alone all night) and look for the pattern that she usually follows (SD comes into your room when you go to bed, SD comes downstairs before you go to bed, etc etc). Then strategize what action you will take to break that pattern. Most likely, that SO stops what he's doing and just takes SD by the hand and leads her back to bed. No talking, neutral expression... it has to have ZERO payoff for SD to continue getting out of bed. EVERY TIME - NEVER EVER EVER give in again. Otherwise, SD just learns to be more and more persistent.... which equals more and more problems for you.

Ok well if you have SD 4 nights a week then you can change this behaviour, yes its going to be hard, yes its going to be tiring and you know what? Yes you might have to be there right alongside your husband, because if he gives in by the 4th attempt, you are going to need to be there and be a support to him.
Yes you are tired too, yes you are pregnant so theres all the normal hormonal raging and extra tiredness that comes with it, but clearly this is not going to change just on your partners back.

My SD is also 3 (stb4) and she went through a period of co-sleeping, it was a short period since I didnt like it but it happened none the less. My partner was the same, first few times he had no problem putting her back to bed, but the 4th or 5th time he'd be so tired he'd just tuck her up with him, I'd have to give him a shove, a reminder that no we'd agreed no more co-sleeping. It meant I lost sleep too but it meant SD got to learn that with us she needed to sleep in her own bed.
That being said, it seems BM has also completely changed her mind on that too as now SD wont even walk into our bedroom. If she wakes up in the night she will use her potty if needed, or she will come into the hall and knock the door and says she needs a drink. (The drink thing very rarely happens so she is given a drink as we believe it to be genuine at this point).

There are so many things going on for a 3 year old, they have their moments of stubborn independence and then they have their moments of wanting to be babied, they are growing up and facing all kinds of milestones in their little lives. And they have to get to learn theres two households with sometimes two very different set of rules, plus you are having a baby, maybe she is having some insecurities there too? Shes not going to be the youngest anymore but shes too young to be able to voice her concerns because shes still too young to be able to identify them properly herself.

I wish you all the best, things are always 10 times worse when you are running on lack of sleep.

I wish I knew the answer to this one. I have similar problems with my own biokids. I have a 3 year old son that has gotten much better over time. I had my second son when he was only 11 months old, and since DH never helped with him at night, it was always easier to let him sleep in our bed, and he did until he was a year old. I regretted it because he never wanted to be alone in his own bed at night. Since I did not want him back in our bed after that (not enough room) I ended sleeping in his room a lot. My second son slept so much better than my first because I did put him in his own bed at night as soon as he started sleeping through the night. That ended a couple of months ago.

I'm now pregnant with my third child, so we moved the two boys into the same room. My older one who is three sleeps much better than he used to, and at most I have to go into his bed maybe once a week. My 2 year old, on the other hand, suddenly won't sleep alone in his bed anymore. He does occasionally, but the majority of the time I have to get up and go into his bed at least 2 times per night. He wakes up and cries for a hug, and wants to fall asleep with his arms around my neck. It's exhausting. DH has to be at work in the morning, so I don't complain about him not helping, but I am so exhausted, especially since I am 7 months pregnant. I have told DH that when the new baby comes, he will have to deal with our older boys at night. Thankfully while I'm pregnant, my libido is non-existent, so it doesn't bother me as much that I'm not sleeping with my husband much. I do miss our bed terribly as it is the most comfortable one in the house!

I had no idea it would be so difficult to get children to sleep in their own beds through the night. We spent many nights with our older son "crying it out", and it didn't get better for a long time.

I would think in the OP's case, it's not an unusual situation. The father is doing the best he can while trying to get enough sleep for himself. If he can bring himself to let her cry it out, that might eventually work, but you all will have some sleepless nights while it's happening.

I'm going to tell you what I told someone else recently - the person bothered by it is the person who deals with it. So if YOU want the toddler to sleep in her own bed, tell your SO to go to sleep and YOU get your butt up and deal with it. If you're not willing to do that, then every time he gets up you roll over and go back to sleep and keep your mouth shut.

If you're not willing to do the work yourself then you've got no call bitching at him about how he handles it.

For the record though, I think interfering in this and trying to do it yourself is a HORRIBLE idea. Dad is apparently doing the parenting work getting up in the middle of the night. You're being unreasonable to expect that he also do things YOUR way when he's not asking you for help. If you start down the path of doing it for him because you think you know best, it will not end well.

Also, she's three. Sometime in the next year or so she will likely WANT to sleep on her own, most do. You're asleep anyway (or should be) so lighten up and let it go.

Ok...THIS IS JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION AND THOUGHTS.....Co-sleeping should be stopped by now....especially with a baby on the way......

Just because she does with BM, it doesnt mean rules are the same everywhere, and THATS what SD3 needs to learn. She isnt a baby, BUT she is still young and learning and will have difficulties understanding what is required of her. Why cant OH take a week off work and start the "putting back to bed training"...that way he isnt going to be exhausted for work? Maybe talk to SD3 in a way she understands that she has to sleep in her own bed "like a big girl"....help her get used to the idea? It is tough, because its been left longer and its not what she is used too...

We had similar when OH moved in and SD7 was 3 at the time....she used to sleep with her mom and her partner and with MIL when she had her too...I wouldnt allow it, nor would I allow her to disturb my own daughter of the same age whose room she shared......so she was "talked" to and encouraged and rewarded when she stayed in bed and slept through....

It doesnt matter what BM does, it matters what you and OH do....different homes, different rules....

OH does need to be firm, and patient but you need to be understanding too, which I know is hard (6 months pregnant myself!) as its so frustrating..

I don't care if it's good or bad, right or wrong, too old or too young.
Decade doesn't want to co-sleep, end of story.
I had to go to sleep clinic with a 12 month old, similar "I don't to hear him cry, he wakes everyone up story"
It took me about 2 weeks to retrain, but only about 3 days out of those 2 weeks were virtually sleepless nights. Everyone got over it.
I was taught the cry it out method with reassurance, I'll see if I can find an online article. I went into this with no hope as I thought he was too old at 12 months, but it was a dream.

There's a saying that sleep breeds sleep. Trying to fix things when everyone is already behind on the sleep credits is near on impossible. I suggest investing in a little bed and positioning it next to yours. Get the child sleeping through in the security of Dads room but in their own bed first. Once that is established then you can move the child into their own room.