Well you are already in pretty deep, but an ultimatum is almost your only option. She can keep enabling and developmentally stunting her kid, or she can start showing respect toward her partner AND child by standing up as a parent instead of acting like a wet nurse/nanny.

I drew the line in the sand WELL before the point you are at, no cosleeping, kid had to learn manners, keep her room clean, help around the house, manage simple kitchen tasks on her own. Now we just struggle with a BM that won't hold SD to the same standards, so after DH and I get her to an acceptable level of competency, the courts force DH to send her back to BM for a factory reset. Back to a Whiny, sniveling, porcelain baby girl... Who can't wipe her own butt because she doesn't know where it is.

Really? :jawdrop: You are a grown man intimidated to tears by a devil spawned 11yo Skid and your "fiancé" every visitation weekend and you want to know what to do about it. Really? :jawdrop:

If it is your home call a locksmith to rekey the doors and give your fiancé and her spawn 30mins to pakc and GTFO. If it is your DF's home, pack your shit and move on to a happy life with these toxic people and their gene pool far in your rear view mirror.

Keep in mind that current and past behavior is the best indicator of future performance and behavior. Do you really want this woman to bear your children? She will be no better of a mother to your own children than she is to this toxic spawn.

It doesn't sound as if SS is at fault nor to blame for the way he has learned to behave with his mother. Sounds more like Mom spent 11yrs absolutely doting on the child and he was never taught to have to 'share' Mom or do any advancement steps in learning to do for himself.

Now that Mom is starting to insist he do some things for himself (I'm betting this is totally new to the child and at your insistence to his mother that she stop babying the child, which is not saying bad onto you, this woman didn't do her job as 'parent' verses friend/servant for years) kiddo is feeling a bit clueless as to why and fighting it.

An 11yr old used to having all Mom's attention and never expected to so much get his own drink nor slap a sandwich together is entirely on the mother. If you believe the child is entitled, it's because the mother has deliberately raised the child to be this spoilt entitled brat. Problem is though, now that she has chosen to introduce a fulltime partner into her life living with her son, you of course don't find anything enjoyable or acceptable about the child (there again, nit a smack at you as no normal adult would find a helpless spoiled 11yr old baby amusing nor tolerable).

Bottomline is going to come down to if your partner can finally start parenting her child and teaching him to move forward with age advancement skills or if she is going to cave everytime he rebels against it (which she is currently attempting then caving). Maybe it's time for you to move back out and go back to dating your partner until she decides which way she's going with this child ...you spending the evenings upset and crying is not an acceptable way for you to spend your life. You deserve more than what you're getting.

Step7118,

My appologies for getting the Step Mom element of your OP wrong. After another member pointed it out I realized my mistake.

Best regards,
Rags