Twin SD's causing Marital Distress
I think my twin school age SD's are trying to wreck my marriage!!
I have been married to my DH, their BF for 6 years and we have had custody of them for as long. I also have teenage BS's who can't stand the SD's or the SF because of the actions of the SD's!! The SD's go to their BM every 1st,3rd and 5th weekends without fail. When they come home it is with more attitude than when they left. They have to have all the attention. They talk crazy to my BS's which makes the boys raise their voice and get ugly with the SD's which makes my DH get angry with my BS's. Then I get angry at DH. Its a never ending cycle. I get onto the boys for their behavior and mouth but the DH doesn't do anything about the girls. He tells the girls, you give what you get. How is this healthy? Encouraging this bickering between them. The girls are 9 and have the attitude of an 18 year old (most of which comes from their BM)It has gotten to where I can't stand to be around them and THEY LIVE WITH ME!! And this is how my DH feels about my BS's. He gets upset that they never go with their BF anymore, he can't help it if he's always working, he doesn't have the support system that the BM has (41 years old and living between her mothers, grandmothers and boyfriends house, because that's really what we want our daughters to see right?)
Anyway, I wouldn't call myself jealous of the SD's at all. But my DH is extremely jealous of my BS's!! He orders them around and makes them do things that he won't do himself. I try to support him to keep the peace but I won't let him treat my kids like prisoners. My sons never want to be at home because they are tired of being degraded, talked down to, and treated with utter disrespect by my DH and the SD's.
(Let me also add that I am white, my DH is Hispanic, my SD's are part white and my BS's are half black and I believe that this is part of the problem as well.)
I don't know what to do anymore!! I just want to run and hide and take my BS's with me!!!
you're saying that I'm the
you're saying that I'm the cause of this problem??
Why on Earth would you let
Why on Earth would you let this man mistreat your children, much less support it? He cannot parent his own.
If my own kids did not want to be home because of my husband and his brats, something would be changing.
Thanks, Things are definitely
Thanks, Things are definitely about to be changing.
I had the same problem. My DH
I had the same problem. My DH would try to enforce rules and punishments on my BS but his kids, nope, never. My kids got tired of it all and so did I. I had to stand up infront of all the kids, his and mine when he got upset about something one of mine did and put an end to it. I made it very clear that if he was going to let his kids run wild and do what ever they want he had absolutely no right what so ever to say anything to my kids. I told him you better start treating my kids the way you want yours treated because I will mirror image you with your kids. Since then it's stopped. But if I were you, I would let him hear you tell your sons the exact same thing, you give what you get. If it is because they are half black then you need to leave him. That is something that'll never go away and always cause your kids to feel bad about themselves.
I used to say I was making
I used to say I was making myself stay because I felt like I owed it to those girls to be the mother they didn't have. I mean I helped fight for custody right? And every time I've felt like leaving, I would think about the girls and "giving up" and not wanting to be a failure at this step parent thing, but now I can gladly say I'm at a point now where I wouldn't give a DAMN if the girls went back to the mother, as I'm now on my way out the door myself.
Your desire to protect your
Your desire to protect your SKs shouldn't be stronger than your desire to protect your bios. Their safety and well-being should always come first.
Why are you staying with a
Why are you staying with a man who mistreats your children?
Your husband has had custody of his girls for six years. He is the one to blame for the way they behave.
Your DH IS THE PROBLEM. Grab
Your DH IS THE PROBLEM. Grab your boys and get the heck out of there. They deserve a mother who supports them and protects them. Ditch the other mess and focus on the children that you brought into this world. Abuse takes many forms but "if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it's a DUCK !"
Take a deep breath and be a better mother to your boys.