Phone calls, best interest?
So BM brought up switching SD7 from a 7/7 schedule to a 5/2 schedule because "SD says she misses her so much" when she's at dad's. BM and DH split when SD was an infant and I met DH 6mos later. When SD was a toddler DH had EOWE and one overnight. He's had a 7/7 schedule for the past two years.
SD has never said she misses her mom or mentioned the schedule. We have told her that she has access to both our phones if she ever wants to call mom. She's never asked to call her. When she's here she's happy, gets enough sleep, does well in school. Doesn't show any signs that the schedule is effecting her negatively in any way.
Now BM has been calling (almost daily) to talk to SD and DH allows it (not every call but at least 3 a week), but after the call SD is moody, whiney, and says she misses her mom. It's like BM is guilting her into feeling like crap because I'm sure BM hadn't even crossed her mind that day.
DH told BM that he thought 7/7 was fine and thought SD was doing well with the schedule. He called to talk to SD last week 3 times and she didn't answer any of the calls. He only wants to talk to her once(mid-week)but had to try 3 times.
I told DH that we should cut out the phone time. If BM can't answer and makes SD upset, it should be eliminated. There's no CO for the phone calls. He isn't sure if it's in SDs best interest not to answer.
I suggested only let SD call if SD brings it up, DH isn't sure?
I swear I was reading about
I swear I was reading about my own situation!
In our house DH has the 7/7 schedule and BM can't handle it.
SD never asks to call BM, ever.
When SD is with BM she tells us she asks to call her dad but BM says no, because you don't call me when you are at your dads.
So in our house IF SD asks to call we let her. If she doesn't, she doesn't.
BM had threatened to take DH to court for a mandated phone call.
Yet BM goes to see SD at school every day when SD is with us.
Good luck!
Oh and if there is no CO,
Oh and if there is no CO, there are no phone calls.
We go by the CO to the T. Drives BM nuts!
It's entirely possible that
It's entirely possible that SD DOES tell BM she misses her that much, and yet doesn't tell you. Kids often tend to try to please the parent they're with, and it's possible that SD is caught in the middle emotionally here - telling each parent (or not telling, as the case may be) what she thinks they want to hear.
I think if I were you I'd set up a schedule of calls to BOTH houses - for example, "Tue and Thur at 7pm SD calls whichever parent she's not with". That way SD gets to talk to both her parents during their "off" time (at that age, a week is long time not to talk to either Mom or Dad) and you eliminate the random phone calls. Kids do better if things are planned, rather than spontaneous - it could simply be the unexpectedness of talking to BM that makes her moody.
It's very likely that a 7
It's very likely that a 7 year old does miss their parent. She probably misses your DH when she's with the mom.
My 10 year old will still ask to call me or his father if he is with either of us for an extended period - especially when either of us are out of town on vacation with him. We split when he was about 2.5. My other two children don't seem to want to speak to us, nor do they state they miss the other parent. They were 4 and 5 when we split and are now 13 and 11. Every kid is different.
Do I think that my 10 year old is manipulating me sometimes? Yes. And that's how his little mind works. He used to try it at bedtime a lot. Sometimes I'd allow a call and sometimes I'd have him wait till morning.
Every kid is different. Let the kid speak with her mom.
SIDE NOTE: BM has Court Ordered phone calls with SS14. He is very often quite upset after these calls. he'll tell us they got in a fight, she yelled at him, she's drunk, she's acting crazy. It's always something. Guess what. That's his mom and he needs to learn to deal with her. I figure it's DH (and my) job to help him with the dealing.