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Disengaging

MamaBass's picture

Submitted by MamaBass on Wed, 09/17/2014 - 10:51am

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Does anyone out there have any suggestions on disengaging without having to be run out of my house? I mean I'm okay with running errands and finding stuff to do on weekends, but on a weekday night when I don't feel like leaving the house, I don't want to just hole myself up in my room... then I feel like skids win! Taking over the house! Plus if I keep my new 5 month old with me, SS10 will constantly be coming in asking questions and telling me stories about moms friend who just had a baby, and my mom's bf.. blah blah blah... Thank goodness SS15 usually has enough homework to keep him quiet for awhile.

Maybe I can convince DH to tell him he has to find something to do in his room...?

Calypso1977's picture

Submitted by Calypso1977 on Wed, 09/17/2014 - 11:09am

your SS should not be coming into your room without permission. id get a lock for your door going forward.

my SD is contained for now. but honestly, avoiding home is in some ways easier then i dont have to see/hear her or get looks/comments from my fiance.

Teas83's picture

Submitted by Teas83 on Wed, 09/17/2014 - 11:13am

I'm contemplating disengaging from my SD as well. I'm with you on not wanting to be run out of your house. At this point that's my only option though, until I see that my husband is willing to step up and change the way things happen in our household. I also have a DD who is 16 months old, which makes it harder to be out of the house, plus SD wants to see her.

My SD was really annoying last time she came actually. It seemed like all she talked about is what "Mommy wants". "Mommy wants a big house like this one", "Mommy wants a new truck", "Mommy wants a big fancy wedding." I wanted to tell her that if "Mommy wants" all of those things then maybe she should get a job to pay for them. So I totally understand why you hate hearing about your SD's mom too.

I don't have an answer for you, but I know what you're feeling.

MamaBass's picture

Submitted by MamaBass on Wed, 09/17/2014 - 12:04pm

I'm the same way with my 5 month old. No screens until after 2 years old. For my SS's, it's all about iPods and phones. It used to bother me with how much they played, but now I'm tempted to just say let them play them in their room for five hours a night, see what I care! They do it at their mom's anyway! DH is pretty lax with that stuff anyway... I'm always hounding him. Last night I him, "fine, not my monkey, not my circus!" Don't remember who has that as signature on here, but thanks!

OrangeUGlad's picture

Submitted by OrangeUGlad on Wed, 09/17/2014 - 12:26pm

You don't have to hide in order to disengage.

What is going on that you feel the need to go into your room?

It is hard to give advice without knowing the specific problem, but discuss the behavior that is bothering you with dh and let him deal with it (in a way that is respectful to you).