Is it worth the time to document?
I was just wondering how many of you keep records of interactions with Bm? Like a notebook or something? and if so, has it helped with anything?
We've been documenting interactions w/ Bm since July but I'm just curious if it's even worth the time? At this point we're just keeping note of the negative, should we be making notes of everything? By that I mean like, even when Dh goes to pick Ss up, like where and when and if Bm has lead him on a goose chase? I guess I'm curious if the court/judge even acknowledge these records and do they help... Do they even care?
Another thing, Dh's given up on trying to get bm to meet him half way or even to pick Ss up from our house because she's so difficult. My question is, Being that we're going back to court, should he start attempting again to at least ask her to meet him/pick up Ss, so that it will show the court that she refuses to provide any transportation? Is it even worth the headache. I guess I feel like if he leaves it alone the court will see like "it doesn't seem to be a problem because you don't even ask her to meet you." KWIM? Any and all thoughts appreciated.
YES IT IS!! We had a couple
YES IT IS!! We had a couple of court hearings go my DH's way just because of our documentation. No proof besides the fact that we had documented things and BM had NOT.
We got a No Contact Order listed in the CO just because of our documentation of BM's crazy.
As far as trying to get the BM to be responsible for transportation, that is a lost cause. We tried that, BM sold her (BRAND NEW) car and claimed she had NO vehicle. What the lawyer WAS able to do was get a small reduction in my DH's CS due to transportation related expenses.
Thank you misSTEP!! That's
Thank you misSTEP!! That's awesome that the Court let you guys use the information. A no contact order is one of the things we're looking for when we go to court because Bm loves to verball assault Dh when he shuts down whatever requests she has.
I could totally see Bm selling or putting her car in her BF's name to avoid transportation but I'd be totally happy if the court gave DH credit for doing all the trasnportation.
It is tedious but can be
It is tedious but can be worth it.
Definitely try to go by what
Definitely try to go by what the court order says about meeting. Document everything in your log that is pertinent to your complaint and request. There is no point is putting in good stuff, you're not complaining about that.
The log can be used to get a count on how often these things are happening and other specific items. Judges are very impressed with someone who can say that on July 4th at 5:58PM we arrived as agreed to pick up the kid and waited until 6:35 and tried calling her three times by phone and twice by text and she never/finally showed up.
Your lawyer/husband can even offer the log up as evidence.
We document everything. All
We document everything. All court violations, late pick ups, negative things the kids say about abuse. We also document the positives where DH works really hard to co-parent (for instance meeting BM two hours early for an exchange bc she has to do X) We keep it all very factual, and never put opinion in.
There was actually a hearing where DHs atty put him on the stand and just read from our notes. On July 2, 2006 did BM do X? yes On July 4 did she do x?... The judge eventually interrupted and was like, this is nuts! BM is this true?! Long story short, she was put on supervised visits solely based on the notes we took.
I think the positives are beneficial bc then its not like you are just bitching, it shows where you have actually tried to coparent effectively.
Thank you Derb-this gives me
Thank you Derb-this gives me hope that we're doing the right thing. I also like that you note the positives, that's great advice.
That's so awesome that the judge allowed you guys to do that! I guess they see it as who in their right mind would sit and make all kinds of stuff up. Thanks again!
Document everything, but be
Document everything, but be aware that you might be told that you don't need it. Fight to be heard in court. Don't let them tell you that all the "little" things don't matter, especially when they haven't even heard them yet. I've heard an attorney tell a client that his INCHES of documentation wasn't necessary, because he was more interested in it not being an easy case (more money for him) and the father did not get what he wanted (and should have).
I have kept Documentation
I have kept Documentation with BM interactions for the last 3 years. II have heard it helps, I have heard it doesn't help. But I would MUCH rather be safe than sorry.
And it helps me because I can look back, and I now have her 'freak outs' on a cycle, so I can better prepare myself for them.
I document the positive AND negative. But trust me the negative ALWAYS out does the positive.
I say keep documenting. I know with Foster care documentation goes a long way. So I figure it would in custody courts as well.
First of all, YES YES YES
First of all, YES YES YES document absolutely everything. We have trial pending, and it's been going on for years, and having the ability to pull out a document that illustrates exactly what we're talking about is very helpful. I will tell you the lesson I learned was complacency now, may lead the court to uphold whatever you are complacent about. Go strictly by what your paperwork says. Our BM was forcing DH to do all the exchange transportation, and our lawyer worked it out to be a fetching order. You want him? You come get him kind of thing. If it isn't in the paperwork, I wouldn't be complacent about ANYTHING you aren't okay with. He should institute whatever he thinks is fair to show conflict cannot be resolved. Also, my guess is you'll need to prove mediation will not work, so that may be another route your DH will want to take. If you can't work it out on your own, try every outlet before going to see a judge. That way they can't order you do it, and waste more time and money waiting for that not to work and you'll end up back in court anyway.
Good luck. We're in a similar boat, going for full custody now.
This is so true, on
This is so true, on exhausting all options. We settled out of court with the assignment of mediation. Well guess what? BM refuses to go. So back to court we go two years later...
Yes,yes, yes, always
Yes,yes, yes, always document. Better to have it and not need it then need it and not have it.
Be careful on documentation,
Be careful on documentation, though. Judges look for things like ... is the same pen used throughout 6 months, most of us use whatever is handy whether pen, pencil, blue, black ... is the style of writing consistent. (BTW: we tend to write differently on different days ... larger/smaller, scrawling or precise.) Some judges are aware that a messy log filled with other stuff is more authentic than a manufactured-for-court log.
Oh that makes perfect sense,
Oh that makes perfect sense, thanks for the info.
I am not suggesting that you
I am not suggesting that you would "manufacture" a log for court. However, even a wall calender with everyone's activities, appointments etc is admissible if you jot down exchanges and events regularly. Some of us color-code so doctor's appts are in red ink ... Overall I have found that showing a judge or court representative a mindful, believable, imperfect calendar or planner was effective. Maybe use an * to cross-reference to a notebook for a more complete explanation.