Assuming this was an isolated incident, I would not be overly worried. However, you are in good mindset to foresee that this may likely be brought up by BM.

I always say to COVER YOUR A- regarding everything. Your DH did well by informing BM immediately of the incident. When informing BM about stuff like this, do it by text or e-mail so there is a record of the date and time of notification.

A reasonable person, like the Judge will hopefully be, would know that kids play around and sometimes rough play or accidents while playing occur.

The fact that BM contacted the police and they did come and speak to you guys may actually work out in your favor!!! You will have documentation that an officer came and, after looking into the matter, deemed that there was no basis for further investigation. See if you still have the name of the officer/detective whom you spoke to and keep it handy incase you need it for court. Also go into the PD and request a copy of any report or documentation on that matter that was created (you may nee to provide info such as the general date of that time to help them to look it up). If the issues gets pressed about the allegation by BM and the judge allows her to run with it, you may be able to introduce the police incident report or record into court as evidence or call the officer who looked into the matter as witness in court.

I assume that there have been no further incidents such as this and that Child Services has not had any contact with your family. If this is the case, you should be fine in demonstrating to the court that this was an isolated incident that was a result of the children playing.

I don't know how old the girls are, but in instances of abuse allegations which are pursued, there are specially trained child interviewers who speak with the child and are trained to key in on things such as coached story lines. So my advice to you and DH would be to NOT mention anything to SD regarding the issue (explaining it to her, trying to tell your sides or remind her that it was the sister who did it etc) bc the interviewer will look into whom has spoken to SD about the incident.

Should anything happen in the future, document it, take pictures for yourselves if needed, and promptly notify BM by text or e-mail to cover your behind.

I have personal experience of something similar, but not pursued by BM to that extent.

My BS and SS were playing around and the longer they goofed around, the playing aspect turned more aggressive. Both ended up with scratches and abrasions on their faces by the time I split them up.

DH and I took pictures of both the boys faces and they were grounded for the rest of the night. DH texted BM to explain they were play fighting and it got out of hand, both boys had scratches on their faces, and they were grounded as a result.

Nothing about this incident was ever mentioned again until a year later when DH and BM were in court for modifications to the CO. BM, making it out to be that DH was trying to take their kids away from her completely, brought up accusations that were way out of left field but also had never been accused or brought to DH's attention before by her.

One of those accusations in her petition was that my son (who is 3 years younger and a little over half the size of SS) is allowed and ENCOURAGED by DH and I to beat up on her son and that DH does nothing about this and allows it to happen.

Judge asked what she meant by the allegation and she brought up the ONE incident. Judge asks the boys ages and then looks at the pictures DH presents along with his print out of notifying BM of the incident.

Judge laughs, "You've got to be kidding me. With a clear conscience, you can claim this always happens and is a severe problem that is ongoing when you have only ONE example? With boys of that age playing together, be lucky this kind of thing only happened one time. I can't count how many times my brothers and I gave each other black eyes and goose eggs on our heads."

Yes that is true, but (at least in IL) that is because the Court Order or the Joint Parenting Agreement which spells out visitation is a Civil Court document.

Many people call the police when the other parent, or even the kids, refuse to go see the other parent. Sometimes the police can speak with the other parent and kid and smooth things over enough so that the kid does go with the parent they should be going to at that time. HOWEVER, if they will not go the police are powerless to force them.

What happens then is that the matter will be documented, similar to that like a report of child visitation interference when the other parent will not let the kids go for visitation. Once that matter is documented, it is up to the parent to them pursue the matter in Family Court using the Police documented to support their allegations of child visitation problems. Normally I would suggest waiting until you have a couple of incidents of this matter documented and then going to court over it. Judges don't like to see parent going to court over one incident that is not serious to the point the matter being problematic for the childs welfare and well being. Plus then you have more incidents documented to help convince the court that the matter is a repeated problem and needs to be addressed.

Now to your question about what to do if your child won't go. Talk to them and explain to them that they should go but also try to find out why. If it is possible to have a civil conversation with the 3 of you (you, dad, and kid) then try that and see what the issues are if you can come to some agreement. Or perhaps you can schedule an appointment with a mediator to handle this so there is an independent party to assist.

If the child continually keeps refusing to go, you may need to try and go to court to attempt to change the visitation order. If this is the case that it is solely the child refusing to go, be open and honest about this with the other parent. Trying to hide things may make you look bad or look as though you are the reason for the child not wanting to go.

After reading your blog post, I don't have any Law Enforcement related advice, however, I would suggest your SO take care of business ASAP. He can have a consultation with an attorney to get an idea of what their advice is and then attempt to handle the matter himself by filing paperwork through the court on his own.

I would suggest though that is BM is not 100% willing to sign and agree to everything, you should get a lawyer. My own DH screwed up big time in his CO previously by doing nothing when CO was not followed or agreed to stupid stuff that later turned around to bite him in the butt. He realized within the last year that is he had taken care of business immediately when he should have when certain things were happening, he would have FULL CUSTODY of his kids now and wouldn't be going through a lot of the crap he is dealing with in regards to BM.

As for the whole CS cluster fiasco. It is good you are saving the money on the side in case something comes up in the future. I would actually create a separate bank account for that.

The only answers to that you can get are by calling the State Child Support office and asking them. I don't want to give you bad information on something I know nothing of.

As for the harassment issue....
In my state, it is best proven someone is in violation of harassment (unwanted calls, texts, emails, visits) when the victim (you/DH) specifically state to the person that you no longer wish to receive the calls, texts, emails, visits etc. Violations of such afterwards can be documented with the PD. After so many violations or continued violations, you may press charges for harassment. If you do this though, make sure you know and are willing to accept the outcome it may cause. Will things gets worse? Are there other after effects you are not thinking of? etc.

If you do pursue charges...make sure you actually pursue charges through to the end. You may have to take days off work for many continued court appearances or to go and obtain a protective order. But if you pursue charges and they get arrested and you later drop the charges....you may put yourself in a bad light should something happen later and you then want something to be done again.

Very often I find people at the time demand something be done and want so and so arrested and so on. After arresting the person and the court process beginning, for some reason they drop the case and all the work of the police and states attorney are wasted. Few months later, something happens and they again wants charges pressed....they then look like fools in the eyes of the court especially when this happens so many times; then press charges then drop them....then want to press charges for something else then drop them.

Now, if you are able to get an Order of Protection and the person violates that OOP, in my state they are then subject to arrest for that violation.

Generally, the police would not be able to enforce anything if you immediately went to the them first about her moving.

I would suggest, in the event this happens, file an Immediate Emergency Petition with your court and request that it be expedited due to the nature of the contempt BM would be doing. You can also notify your local Police Department simply to put a record on file and document what happened.

The police, or county sheriff's department, would likely be able to take action if the Judge signed an order demanding BM to return the child and she did not comply within the specified time frame (example 24-48 hours etc). If she does not comply and ignores the Judge's written order, the Judge can issue a warrant for her arrest for Civil Contempt of Court. Any warrant can then be served by the police since it then becomes a criminal issue by her having a warrant for her arrest (even though the initial issue of her being in contempt of the civil order is not a criminal issue...if that makes sense)

Is it possible just to speak with an attorney beforehand to get ideas or a game plan set up ahead of time in case this situation should arise? This way, all your ducks are in a row and you're ready to go with filing and getting everything moving forward.

Any documentation you have of BM saying all these things would be great. Maybe you can sit down with the school and childs teacher privately to express the concerns so they can maybe be watching for suspicious activity by BM and give you a heads up. You may also need to use them for court purposes too.

In the restraining order, does it state that she is prohibited from any and all forms of communication with DH including texting, e-mailing, etc?

I would wonder if it went to court, if she would try a loop hole (if there was one) saying she was texting DH in regards to SS and so she knew if he was home so she could call him.

If she is in violation of breaking the order by texting him, I would report it to the police and ask them if criminal charges for violation of the retraining order can be pursued based on the order or if it a civil matter which you would have to go to court on by yourselves with the copies of the police reports and evidence to show the Judge she is in violation.

As for the smelling of marijuana when you pick him up, next time have an officer respond simply to document that SS smells of marijuana. The police likely won't be able to do anything bc I'm sure BM will not allow them inside her home and by the time they arrive, there will be nothing to show that the child was put in imminent danger by BM. But the police can document this for you so that you can then go into court and show there is evident to support probable cause that BM is in violation of the order. You may want to ask your attorney if this should be reported to DCFS or Child Services as well.

How old is SS? What I'm about to say next just comes from me being a nosy mom, but I would want to go buy those at home drug tests and just see what the results are. If he is being subjected to an excessive amount of the second hand smoke from marijuana, it could get into his system. For drug testing purposes, Marijuana tends to stays in the body system longer than other drugs because it is fat soluble (basically attaches to the fat cells in our body which makes it take longer to be process out of the body). Or, if you want to, you guys can take him for a "Check-up" at the Dr and ask them to collect a urine sample for a drug test based on your suspicions. If you do it this way, it will be medically documented as well.

I would run this all past an attorney before doing so as well. I wouldn't want you guys to get yourself in a trick bag for example, if the drug test comes back positive and then the Dr's office has to notify Child Services and CPS comes after you initially bc I'm assuming DH is the custodial parent.