Well, bear in mind that this is a VENTING site. People come here *specifically* because they're having problems, the ones who actually live The Brady Bunch aren't here. (Assuming they exist! *lol*)

That being said, yeah, I personally am pretty happy. Certainly with my marriage, or I wouldn't be married. We have issues (current one is SD17, who is pregnant, just got kicked out of her mother's house, and is in a relationship with an controlling possibly abusive 23 year old), and that's what I come to post about. But for us? Yeah, it works. I still need to vent sometimes, you understand - or I wouldn't be here. But if it truly was not working, I wouldn't need this site either because I'd have left.

The only thing that has
Submitted by peacemaker on Mon, 08/11/2014 - 2:19pm.
The only thing that has helped me survive all the madness was, when I finally took the step this and the ex that half this mine yours ours...out of it and started looking at the relationships in my life..I began to realize they are what they are because of who you are and who I am and what we both decide to put into it...I notices this with my own children...I love them all but they are all different personalities and my relationship with each one of them varies because of who they are...

i relized, with my step kids...some i can get along quite easily with, and the others...well, they just aren't my cup of tea...they are someone I would choose to hang with even on a good day...It doesn't have a thing to do with them being stepchildren...they just aren't someone I would choose to spend my time with because we are so different...

When you start to compare bio children with step children, that can be a real trap too...anytime you fall into the trap of comparing any group (first wives with second wives) etc...there is always a winner and always a loser....but if you let each relationship stand on it's own merit...it is what it is....then well, that's just the way it is...It takes all the pressure off from everyone else involved to make it something it isn't....

Accept it...and move on....i think a lot of us get pressured from our partners to make it this one big happy family picture perfect thing that just isn't going to happen...It's ok...it does not have to be perfect....

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Of course I'm happy with DH. I do not need to embrace a "blended family" in order to love and be loved by my husband. Two totally different things.

I can't say I am totally happy but since DH has taken more of an active role in parenting and not left it all up to me, it has gotten a little easier for everyone.

YES!

I've been posting about the nightmare with BM....but that's aside.

Here's the positive side.

I've been married twice and am engaged to my fiance. I bring two grown sons with my first husband, and a daughter from my second. My fiance LOVES my children. He would NEVER, has never treated them any differently than his own. I love his son as my own. There is a respect level for both of us as we "realize" they aren't our own.

My DD7 has her own dad (and step mom). We give her (her FOUR parents) the permission/freedom to LOVE all of us. As a result, she is an outgoing, confident, stable child. I thought when we divorced that I'd messed up my daughter for life. She speaks her mind and we all accept it. Her dad will call and say she wants to come home. He's not butt hurt about it. My house is her HOME. On the flip side, I get to hear about how "cool" her step mom is....although we call her the BONUS MOM. Her bonus mom is a lot thinner than I am, more fashionable in the way she dresses, and decorates her home. She's a way better housekeeper than I could ever hope to be.

Does it hurt? No. If I'm honest with myself, I could be better at those things, but they aren't as important to me as they are to bonus mom.

We are getting married. We couldn't be happier. The one shadow on our life is the BM. She controls every aspect of our lives via SS9. It's so sad for him. He's like a little plant that is un-watered, un-weeded....then he comes to our house and we stick a fertilizer stick in him and he blossoms. She rips it out of the soil as soon as he's with her, simply because it came from us.

On another note....all of my children have events with both their parents. Everyone gets a long just fine. My first husband and I are renting a lake house in a couple weeks, that we are sharing with our SO, to celebrate our son returning from Afghanistan. We are sharing the costs of everything. Our boys are over 21 now.....and we keep our family together.....my daughter (from my second husband) even calls my first husband a "step dad" simply because he must be related somehow.

This site is to vent. I get it. I do it. Sometimes it's too much. The people who "hate" their steps should probably remove themselves and find happiness for themselves. It can work. But it takes committed adults. Not just one person.

If I thought that calling up BM and inviting her out for coffee would help, I'd do it in a second. Hell, I offered to pay for a deposit once on a home near us so we could all be closer.....she moved farther away....LOL.

Hope this helps. It CAN work. If you work it.

I'm so happy I have "Zippity Doo Da coming out of my ass!"

I just look at our family of blended children as Life. You can look at it as a glass half full or half empty, and If you're like me, it changes by the day. lol

Generally, yes I am happy. I am Very happy, I have found a man that is willing to take me, my baggage AND has similar baggage.
Not only did I get an amazing life partner when I reconnected with FDH, but I also got an amazing (at the time) 8mo SD. I believe that because SD was so young when FDH and I found each other life with SD will be easier, for both of us. It's NOT SD that drives me nuts all the time, I mean she's 3, what 3 year old doesn't drive a parent nuts from time to time. It's the BM BullSh*t that drives me up the wall!!

Fortunately I have found someone who took his balls back from BM's purse, and is FINALLY starting to stand up for his family.

SURE it is REALLY REALLY hard at times, with schedules with SD, BM and OUR 3 children, but to be honest I wouldn't change anything... except for maybe BM being in the same country!

I love my dh (something sexy about a Disneyman with his balls firmly placed in a vice) and I tolerate the baggage he has (skids, bm, mil) I tried to do the love like your own thing but that failed a bit cuz' I actually try to teach kids life crap and expect certain kinds of behavior, ya know. Sooo, now I treat her like the kid at the playground with bugger fingers & snotty nose :jawdrop: .. (while pointing to the Bioparent) Over there honey yep Daddy's over there! not my germ not my virus One thing I did was address the bullshit and make him parent lil miss buggernose. Its gotten a little better and I show my stepmom badge when I feel like it or its a dire need. One step forward two steps back mostly.

I am happy with my marriage, just not thrilled with my SD or BM. Honestly, if those 2 people weren't in the picture...I wouldn't even have a reason to be here. I just need some way to talk without being judged by family/friends, and upsetting people.

I'm actually deliriously happy. My marriage is GREAT.

My in-laws? Oh, yes, I have enthusiastically embraced them and feel lucky to have them. They are awesome.

My stepson is a joy. He will never be "my own" because he has two parents. But I do what I can for him and enjoy the hell out of him.

My stepdaughter is what drives me to this site.

My marriage is great in spite of her because my husband has worked very hard to keep our marriage his top priority. I have done the same. We have not always seen eye to eye but we have been careful to bend to the other's will when we can. When we can't, the other does their best to change things around. We've respected each other's boundaries and made it an absolute priority to communicate with each other about these very tough issues.

He has also made it a priority to continue courting me which has helped a lot. We have lots of fun together to feed the marriage. You absolutely can not let that wither even a little bit or the whole thing will come crashing down around you.