Uh oh. I think I'm looking at a kim kardashian marriage.
Sooo...I think I'm doomed to a future divorce...and I haven't even been married 3 months yet.
Remember how I said I haven't talked to DH since I got here?
Well I've found out that he kept leaving SD with MIL so he could go drinking on his days off. Which pissed off MIL, because my FIL was texting me to ask if I've heard from him, and then told me that he brought MIL for a get away not to be stuck in camp babysitting. I told him I know. Know one should have to be a babysitter for him unless they're getting paid to do so. But of course there's nothing I could do from here, and he wasn't answering my messages or calls soo...
and THEN it gets worse, a girl on fb messages me saying "umm I think I should show you this", and it was 3 flirty (drunk) messages from my DH.
So, I still have yet to hear from him and hear out an "explanation" for such bullshit. I do know he's supposed to have court for SD tomorrow, so he'd have to be around and sober for that.
I'm sure I'll get the "well you left me and now I might lose SD and my life is falling apart, liquor is all I have now that I'm left with nothing" or some stupid depressing sob story of excuses.
Crazy huh? I married him because....??
So, looks like I may just be looking into restarting a life down here if this marriage goes to crap (which it already has been) so my son gets the life he deserves.
What a mess I got myself involved in. Holy hell. But I'm not afraid to be prepared for the worst, so that's good I guess.
Flirting? Under those
Flirting? Under those circumstances it means only one thing. "I want to screw you". There are no valid excuses.
He's also an alcoholic, not some guy "driven" to drink, not by you or anyone else.
You've gotten your eyes opened quickly, lucky for you, now file for divorce and quit wasting time on this loser.
i agree - move forward and
i agree - move forward and find out how to support yourself. i wouldnt count on CS from this guy.
dont feel too bad about this
dont feel too bad about this or be too hard on yourself. most of us are in the same boat in one way or another. we are here because we are unhappy in our marriages in regards to our spouses children. in many ways putting ones one children before the spouse is like having a mistress. this is why we see the term mini wife.
i do wish you the best in whatever you choose. i hope these decisions lead to your own happiness. what dh is doing is about him and not about you.
I'm sorry you are going
I'm sorry you are going through this but better now than even further down the line. Hold your head up high and forward motion!
Alright guys, do you think
Alright guys, do you think he's feeding me a bunch of crap in regards to him messaging this random girl? This is what he messaged me:
"Holy f***! I left my phone with Q (his "friend" that I hate). That a**hole got on my fb, that's so f***ed!"
...I don't think I'm buying it.
I'm making him have Q personally call and apologize to me IF he actually did take his phone and do that. I don't understand what kind of "friend" would do that if they new you were married and that's the kind of shit that causes huge problems.
Either way, he's drinking and dumping his kid off on other people, so at this point he's no better than SD's BM. Pathetic.
Ha, ha, yeah sure, he left
Ha, ha, yeah sure, he left his phone with Q and Q did it. Don't be surprised if Q apologizes, it will probably only cost your DH a six pack.
lmao I know right. I'm not
lmao I know right. I'm not really buying it.
Such a shame. Smh.
Yikes!! Cut your losses!
Yikes!! Cut your losses!
I know right? I'm calling BS
I know right? I'm calling BS so hard right now.
Oh and get this, that "really awesome babysitter that's active and girly and SD will have a lot of fun with" (since I'm such a drag lol), added me on FB and she's like 16 posting about how she's getting drunk and "loves her marijuana".
Lovely. As much as he babies and worships that girl of his, you'd think he'd manage to find a DECENT sitter. I'm just in awe.
...Can I please go to court and show them that NEITHER my DH or SD's BM are fit to parent a child? lol
Woops! lol And the whole
Woops! lol
And the whole convo was:
Him: "Ugh I wish I was your bed lol"
Her: "You're married sick f***"
Him: "That bed though...lol jk"
Her: "bye."
Him: "lol I'm just here for a good time, not a long time haha jk my bad"
Her: "Beat it. And I'm showing this to your wife."
So, obviously I believe my gut instinct that he was drunk and HE was messaging her, not Q. I even called Q myself and he said "I was so drunk I could have sworn that was my phone"
...Yeah. Right.
I call BS x100.
Ditch him. Man ain't worth
Ditch him. Man ain't worth your spit.
I'd say. I even told him not
I'd say. I even told him not to bother showing up the week of my due date anymore. I don't want him around me. Or my child. He can't even properly take care of the one he already has.
Yeah, he didn't start acting
Yeah, he didn't start acting all out of character like this until he knew I was leaving/ after I left.
Dear god you're right. Screen shot for sure. I'll be damned if my son is ever left with a sitter like that.
And yes I was very happy she told me. I really don't want him coming down here.
Good thing I'm going to be
Good thing I'm going to be away for so long. Now if only I could go get the rest of my stuff!
wow, so sorry to hear that ,
wow, so sorry to hear that , Nikki, he seems to be so immature! Keep us updated what happens!
He seriously called me about
He seriously called me about 6 times in one hour. I never answered and when I checked my voicemails he left a message crying saying "Nikki you should have never left. Come home. I need you. Nikki pick up or call me, just talk to me. Please!"
Aww boo hoo. Sorry DH, that's what happens when you treat your wife like dirt for 9 months straight.
I'm not calling back. I'm spending my day out with a girlfriend
Maybe he should sober up.
And I can't wait to find out what the court decides today.
Can I just say I LOVE how
Can I just say I LOVE how strong you sound??? It's just awesome that you are so focused on taking care of yourself and your son, and you're not allowing yourself to get sucked back in to his bullshit. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
Definitely keep us updated!
Thanks guys. I never
Thanks guys.
I never followed up with what happened today.
By the info that I did gather from MIL...I take it that SD is back with BM until next June again.
He decided to go work away from home now, leaving tomorrow morning.
Soooo......*shrug* haha. I really don't see/ care about what's going on. Either way, it's just going to be me and my kiddo down here until Christmas so...whatever is going on with DH/ SD really doesn't affect me
I have time to get things in order if I'm getting out of his house/this marriage for good by then so I'm not too worried.
I can't even feel bothered by anything...I am too excited and in the zone for these next 5 weeks <3
Update: So I found out that
Update:
So I found out that BM is moving SD with her 14 hours away. All DH messaged me was "Apparently (BM) is moving (SD) away!!
I lost my smile".
(I'm not even going to comment on how much that irritated me, apparently his son and I have never been/will never be a reason for his smile)
I don't know if it's for the school year or what, because when I asked he said,
"moving her is moving her, it makes no difference she's taking her I should have never let her go!!! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!" followed by "I'm going to bed, I can't take this."
Is it bad that I read those messages and just kinda shrugged?
1. Good. She's going back to BM. In my opinion that's a good thing.
2. What does he expect me to do/say? It's not my kid. Sorry your life sucks, maybe you shoulda thought about that before you knocked her up.
3. "I should have never let her go!!!"....YEAH? YOU KNOW YOU ELSE YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET GO/ DONE EVERYTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE TO KEEP HER THERE? ME. YOUR WIFE, THAT'S WHO. But I don't mean much compared to his goddess of a daughter so that's not my problem.
Asshole. I'm not gonna feel bad for you because I bet it's just for the school year. What he should be more worried about is if I ever come back. Which isn't too promising...soooo...
:O :?
Oh my GOD your DH is an
Oh my GOD your DH is an idiot! He seriously has no idea that he's lost you and his son, does he? HOW can he be so blind? Yuck yuck yuck to being so focused on his daughter that he's COMPLETELY missing the fact that he's losing his wife and son!
You're not kidding. All I
You're not kidding.
All I have to say is what the hell lol.
And I suppose he blames me for all of this too, because maybe SD would have never been going back with BM if I would have stayed. Or maybe she would have who knows. (Or cares).
Smh.
Your dh was initially
Your dh was initially ignoring you to punish you, get back at you. Immature and moronic, given you are married and are carrying HIS son. What does he think that will achieve?! You running back with arms open?! :jawdrop: more like, ensure you really dont want to return to that car crash.
Secondly, he sent those messages to a 16 yr old?!! Double no no. What a creep. Does he need a replacement daughter or something, I think he is getting grossly confused and if your PIL ask you whether you have heard from him. Tell them the damn truth, that scumbag dh was soooooo upset he went AWOL for days, not returning your messages or checking on his son, as he was so busy feeling sorry for himself he decided to dump his child off on his mother (ya know, the child he is sooooo upset about losing, that he spent her remaining time with him in the pub getting smashed and sexually harassing a child via social media). I would then proceed to send these lovely little messages from the 16 yr old to his family for them to see what an amazing father, husband and sexual predator he is.... :sick:
Your DH is a professional life victim. HIS pain is worse. HIS life needs to be accommodated. Boo hoo. THAT is the reason he then decided to go running back to you while crying his sick little eyes out. He needs someone he can suck the life out of, as HIS needs require catering to, and you are his minion to wind up and do his bidding when he wants. Is this what you want from your life? Is that the kind of life you want for your BS? I very rarely suggest seperation however please do not go back to this self indulgent, dysfunctional, self centred creep. He has issues and needs to fix them, on his own, without your help. As you know what? Where has he been when YOU needed him? When his son needs him?
He rung you because he wasnt getting the response he liked, because he needed to have a shoulder to cry on as sd is currently with her mother (he is as bad as these pasing BMs we hear on this site), because he may have realised you knew about these messages. I would be asking myself, what lows will this guy go to because he feels hard done by?! If he was missing for days, then what was he doing? I think you kmow what I am suggesting.
Take those screen shots, keep any inappropriate messages/statuses to demonstrate his weirdness with sd, you, bs. Just in case.
Also why give a shit about what is happening with sd?! Ok, maybe you are curious BUT by asking and corresponding with dh over this subject you are giving him the message you care about this, him. Your dh is deluded and will see any interest from you that everything is fine, that you are there for him to listen, support and commiserate. You shouldnt be. He treats you like crap and yet either he doesnt care what is going on with your marriage because he is twisted, his priorities are screwed up or he thinks he can snap his fingers and get everythung back on track until next time, until sd pops up again. At a minimum your dh needs intensive therapy and a hard kick in the nuts imo.
"Your DH is a professional
"Your DH is a professional life victim. HIS pain is worse. HIS life needs to be accommodated. Boo hoo"
^^^^^^so accurate it hurts lol.
Idk why I asked, I was just trying to figure out if she would be there when I go back to get my things/ say goodbye to my SIL's. It's bad enough he'd be there...I'd rather not be around her AND him.
I can't go back to his little "world" come new years. I refuse to, I don't even know if I would be happy if he goes to therapy. I feel like he'd do it for show, and I wouldn't see anything he's learned applied in the home.
Too much toxic baggage I tell ya.