Am I being unfair?? making him move??

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My ss6 is very attached to my hubby and I. he calls me mommy, but in the past has lied to his mother about things that ive said, bm hates me, i hate her.shes a drama queen, a pathological lair and not a very good mother, im tired of her shit, so i decide that its time for my family to move and start fresh, my hubby daughter 4months and I, ss live with his mother we get him 3-4 days a week. my husband is very understanding always takes my side and feels horrible that ive dealt with his ex for 3 years now. so I say to Oregon we move in 11 months... my ss cries everytime we talk about it, but i have already given up too much in these past 3 years I could have gone very far in my career, but I chose him... him not his baggage, I was told at the bigining that I would not have to deal with any of this crap no ex wife nonsense but alas that just was not true, my hubby said ok to the move, but I dont want his to resent me for it later.I think in my heart I just have still not forgiven him for having a child with someone that wasnt me although we were not together then. its odd but i hate it when I realize that our daughter isnt his only child. he is a magnificent father he pays 700dlrs in child support.. so much that I have to buy our baby things because he dosent have the money too, i resent him for that.. it would be so much better if bm could just jump off of a fucking cliff and die.. mean thoughts but its how i feel... am i being unfair?

As long as you and your

As long as you and your husband can live where you do and earn enough to support your family then yes personally I feel that moving a significant distance away should be a last resort. From what you say your issues are with the BM not with SS. So you and your husband need to try to find ways to limit the interference of BM into your lives but to do that without limiting/reducing the contact that SS has with his father. If you are to succeed then it needs to be a joint and consistent effort from you and your husband. If you read around on this site you will find lots of different approaches to limiting the other birth parent's involvement in Step mom/dad's lives which can be implemented at varying levels depending on what you and your husband want.

thank you

ouch! no, not ever did i say

ouch! no, not ever did i say my ss was disposable, yes my chid is gilden, shs our rainbow bby. but not ever not once have i placed her before him, on the contrary i have always placed his needs before hers seeing as she is completely loved and his mother is well crazy. but till when should i put him first i wonder? i must also find a way to provide for my daughter as well as i can, and in turn that would help my ss future, as i am the only one that still buys him the necessary things in life.

there are many issues with

there are many issues with her, the first of which her boyfriend now fiance has openly admitted to not wanting or liking her son, she still lets him spank my ss. time outs in the closet and such, we have tried with lawyers to get full custody of him, it has not worked out.she drops him off when she pleases no calls nothing. she even used the passing of our first daughter as ammunition, she was angry that my ss teachers were speaking to me about school work, i was the one who taught him how to read.but to what point do I say enough, she uses the child support for a new car and to pay for her school bills, i still have to buy my ss clothes shoes etc... while my daughter gets nothing from her father. to what point should I put my husbands mistake of having a child with the wrong person before our needs.Do we as step parents never come first, does my daughter never come first simply because she not his first child? I have waited years for another opp like the one there is if we move. I had already said no to the first because of the issues. I dont think that it would be fair for my ss, i know, but it wouldn't be fair to my daughter or to me either. his mother loves to remind me that i'm not his mother, maybe if we move away she can step her game up and start acting like one. my husband did nit handle what he should have in the divorce,and now not only is his son paying for it but my daughter and i am too, this is no longer acceptable.

So dad thinks his son is

So dad thinks his son is being abused. He tried to get the courts to help him, but no luck. Instead of staying put so that he can keep an eye on the shady boyfriend and hopefully build a stronger case against BM, he decides to head for the hills.

Yup, he sounds like awesome daddy material. :sick:

I noticed this also. The SS

I noticed this also. The SS is supposedly mistreated by BM's BF and shut in a closet.

OP and Dad have the SS 4 nights week. So the solution to is to move hundreds of miles away and let BM have the child 24/7 seven nights a week.

Do you really think that

Do you really think that moving away is going to relieve your personal feeling of disappointment and resentment that your baby wasn't your husband's first and only child? Do you honestly think that by snatching your husband across the country that he'll forget about his first child and perhaps love your baby more? Oh and the CS, that isn't going to poof no matter how far away you try and hide your husband.

In fact, the cost of transportation to bring SS back and forth for visitations is going to add to your expenses. The parent that moves is usually responsible for the cost of transporting...or are you planning on not allowing Dad to have visits with his son?

And of course than there is the very real possibility that your 'wish' of BM becoming deceased could come true. If BM simply got ran over crossing the street 11 months from now, this little boy would be packed up and moved to Oregon to his father. Or do you plan on not allowing DH to take in the child?

What you believe is your easy solution is not a solution at all IMO.

My wish on the above is just

My wish on the above is just that a wish, although mean, I am very honest about my feelings. I would never deny any sort of visitation, its not the money its how it is used, and yes if my daughter were the only one, but I also know that my ss has brought me happiness, its an escape to think that way for me, a coping mechanism. I would rather pay for the plane rides back and forth than to deal with his mother or her bf. theres only so much I can do. I can see how this reads horribly but its real life this is what were going through, and how I feel about it.luckily this has made me feel a lot better about the choices I have made.

ok, My husband does have his

ok, My husband does have his faults, not anywhere near to failure though, and we have my ss 4 nights a week, i dont know if you were not able to read it properly.My ss will be going to college, as I have been saving since he was three, because his mother spends his cs on new cars heels and her bills.we will have him every summer and extended weekend, on our dime of course, because god forbid that she ever has to buy him something. and those stats are very wrong, you might want to research a bit further. thank you for your opinion though very helpful.