not needed anymore
i married dh when the skids were just out of preschool. bm divorced dh to marry her lover while dh was overseas in the military. bm got full custody of children and took them out of state. perfect recipe for disney dad. as they grew they walked all over him, insulted him to his face. i learned to defend myself because he never came to my defence.
now skids are grown and are adult companionship for dh. they phone call and message him several times a day with news of one thing or another. i get threatened with divorce every time dh gets angry.
we had to put elderly cat to sleep recently. dh always raged at me, "when muffin is gone, i am leaving!"
i am still grieving the loss of muffin. he was my fur kid and constant companion. i started tearing up in a grocery store and dh told me to control myself. no hug and no kind compassion. he just walked by. and this was his cat too. at 19 he was an old cat.
for the record 21 year old sd once tripped on tiles around the pool deck and dh was swooping in there and rubbing her foot while she bawled her eyes out. then he took her ankle and rubbed for a long time while she just went on and on.
and i cant even get sympathy when i am crying over loss.
this afternoon adult sd comes over to borrow large cooking pot and dh is like a young man with a hard on. i bought a large bag of dried figs and he never eats them. then sd comes over and he gives her the last five without asking me. i was not impressed. i was looking to eat them with a dessert.
i think i know why many of us feel so bad as steps. it is hard to accept last place in someones heart. everyone else comes first.
thankfully i am disengaged enough and dont get involved with sds. i need to concentrate on recovering from the loss of muffin on my own. dh is worthless.
You're sticking around for
You're sticking around for some reason and I understand there are many. It's obviously there is no love in the marriage so its time to develop outside interests and add your husband to the list of people you've disengaged from.
Argee with both previous
Argee with both previous posters. Get over DH and move on. You'll be so much happier in the long run and won't have to deal with SD's anymore.
My condolences on the loss of
My condolences on the loss of your cat. Losing a long time member of the family, even when they are a pet, is a difficult loss. We had to put our Senegal parrot up for adoption nearly 4 years ago. We moved internationally and could not transport him due to costs associated with bird flu. We rescued hm when he was 18mos post hatched and he ran our family for 15+ years.
I understand your loss.
Your DH is having some issue. Maybe he is just an asshole or just maybe he is grieving the loss of the cat too but doing it differently.
Either way, your DH needs clarity and fast. If he is so infatuated with his adult children that he is jeopardizing his marriage he needs to be beaten over the head with the proverbial message covered 2X4 until it sinks in.
Take care of yourself and good luck.
I understand your loss also.
I understand your loss also. Our Casey Canine we had only 15 months. I don't know what we'll do when our 10yo goes.
Why do you stick with this
Why do you stick with this man who cares nothing for your feelings? What makes you think you deserve this or need to put up with his nonsense?
I am sorry for your loss - losing a Furbaby can hurt just as much as losing a human loved one.
I am so sorry about your cat.
I am so sorry about your cat. We too had a 19yo cat die years ago- we got him when we were 1st married, I was 19,then 38 when he died, so effectively I had him half my life. It actually hurt my heart to bury him. I didn't function for days, I know what you're feeling right now. Only you can decide how you'll go forward, I honestly can't think of one good reason why you should stay in this relationship. God bless.
many thanks all for the kind
many thanks all for the kind condolences and advice. i am still grieving mr. muff. i am already disengaged from dh (he senses that something is different and complains) but leaving is not an option at this point due to several factors as some of you noted. however the door is open for me and i wont hesitate to leave. i have my options lined up.