"SO, since you don't trust my judgment and care of your daughter, then you need to hire a babysitter. I will no longer care for her and have you believe that I'm harming her."

Simple fix is you are no longer responsible for her. Be done with it and let your SO deal with other adults that she lies about.

There's a simply fix to this.  Tell him you will no longer watch his kid 

Call around to find out which day care centers or day camps have space for a 4 year old.  Hand the list to your BF and let him know that he has to enroll his daughter ASAP.  Or make arrangements for his child to spend the day with one of family members.  Or he has to hire a sitter.

Whichever option you give him, YOU HAVE TO MEAN IT.   

Since your man doesn’t trust you the very simple thing you say is: 

“since you don’t believe and trust me in the care and treatment of your daughter, i will not care for her in future. He will or he can arrange a babysitter. When sd claims babysitter didn’t feed her then he’ll know sd has been lying all along because its too coincidental that 2 different people don’t feed his kid. 

When dh comes up with this bullshit “1 big happy family facade”, you tell him “1 happy families only exist when there is trust in the partner and you can depend on them and in this case you cant. Sd had a shitty mum, you are not her replacement and never will be. Its her bio parents fault for not making it work but instead of accepting the responsibility for this, dh has decided to lay the guilt trip blane game on you!”

i feel sorry for thise stepparents here treated like this by their spouses especially with the abusive crap we tolerate...

my husband doesn’t trust his kids so if i tell him once that what his kid said isn’t true and the facts what happened, hubby believes me 100% because i have never done anything to cause him to not trust me...

op you have a weak man and instead of him accepting he has failed as a parent and to step up and care for his kid, he has decided to palm off the parenting to you and blame you instead 

Since your man doesn’t trust you the very simple thing you say is: 

“since you don’t believe and trust me in the care and treatment of your daughter, i will not care for her in future. He will or he can arrange a babysitter. When sd claims babysitter didn’t feed her then he’ll know sd has been lying all along because its too coincidental that 2 different people don’t feed his kid. 

When dh comes up with this bullshit “1 big happy family facade”, you tell him “1 happy families only exist when there is trust in the partner and you can depend on them and in this case you cant. Sd had a shitty mum, you are not her replacement and never will be. Its her bio parents fault for not making it work but instead of accepting the responsibility for this, dh has decided to lay the guilt trip blane game on you!”

i feel sorry for thise stepparents here treated like this by their spouses especially with the abusive crap we tolerate...

my husband doesn’t trust his kids so if i tell him once that what his kid said isn’t true and the facts what happened, hubby believes me 100% because i have never done anything to cause him to not trust me...

op you have a weak man and instead of him accepting he has failed as a parent and to step up and care for his kid, he has decided to palm off the parenting to you and blame you instead 

Others have said get a babysitter but a cheaper alternative is a nanny cam in the long run. Place it where SD eats. If this happens again you have footage. Or for a quick deal simply use your phone and video when she eats secretly.

If he tells you that's weird bring up this occasion.

You're the unpaid nanny. He straight out told you that you have no use to him if you won' provide childcare. Do yourself a favor. Choose nothing. 

Why are you with a man who doesn't believe you?

I used to take care of my boyfriend's 3 and 6 year old. My boyfriend also stated that I needed to watch his kids otherwise I didn't have any place in his life. I came on here and everyone told me the same things that they are telling you. I took their advice and it was the best thing I could have done. I know you have children with this man so it's much more difficult to leave him. He is showing you through his words though that he has no respect for you and that he also doesn't value you. I was afraid that if I said no to my bf about watching the kids that all of my worst fears would come true. My worst fear was that he was using me and didn't really care about me and my well being. I didn't want to say "I'm sorry I can't watch the kids it's too much" because the thought of him replying with well it doesn't vseem like we're a good match was too much for me to deal with. It felt like that would crush me.

 I had the wrong perspective though. What really truly was the worst was being willing to waste my life because I was scared of the truth. 

One day it’s going to be about how you hit her or did something really bad where police will get involved.  You have to not be alone with her.  First you are not a SM  He is your BF.  You are nothing,  

This kid needs professional help, with some one with a MD after there name. To get to the problem .

More important I think you should talk to someone about the way you feel.  You have a right to feel this way, having a 4 yo dumped on you., BF not doing anything.   It’s time for you to leave

I do not think I could be with a man who believed a FOUR YEAR OLD's word over mine. 

You deserve to be someone's partner - not their hired help. Please, value yourself more than this, I don't need to know you to realise you deserve better. If you left this loser, you probably wouldn't even recognise yourself, your self esteem would be so high. Venting is great - acting is even better. 

You deserve to be someone's partner - not their hired help. Please, value yourself more than this, I don't need to know you to realise you deserve better. If you left this loser, you probably wouldn't even recognise yourself, your self esteem would be so high. Venting is great - acting is even better. 

So what are you going to do about this situation? You know this is wrong, but yet, you keep putting up with it.  Your so-called partner treats you like hired help (that he doesn't trust) and you are worried about sounding "bitchy"?

I would get loud and bitchy, and fast, and I don't often do that.

For some reason, you are unable to stand up for yourself. Is it based in childhood issues and insecurities? Or do you just want to be able to stay home with your child and this is the price you pay? If it's the latter, then you should just figure out to accept being treated like an Evil Stepmother. 

You aren't being treated like hired help, because at least then you would be getting paid and be trusted over the word of a preschooler. He is treating you worse than he would a babysitter. Eff that ess.

You have your own kids correct? At this point, I think you need to put them first and do what is best for you and them. It sounds like your bf is a bully and now his daughter is becoming a bully. Leave while you still can.

I am assuming that you are a SAHM.. and that part of the deal is that you care for both your own baby and SD.  Theoretically, I'm ok with those arrangements.. he provides financial household support and you provide homemaking and childcare contributions. that's all fine and good.  BUT.. he should not be second guessing you.

You need to have a come to Jesus meeting with your SO about this.  Here is the speech I would give him.

SO,  I need you to listen to me all the way through without interruptions.  I am incredibly hurt by your assumption that I could neglect or treat your daughter poorly.  She's 4.  She has her good days and bad... her good behaviors and times she acts poorly.  When she says I am being "mean" to her... and that she "didn't do anything".. she is lying.  She is trying to get your sympathy, but as her guardian when you are away, I have to care for her and if she is behaving badly, I will give her a consequence.  I won't lay a hand on her, but I may send her to a room for a nap or give her a time out or take away a toy.  Reasonable and appropriate responses to when she does behave badly. 

Now, about her being fed.  I can't believe you truly think I wouldn't feed a 4yo.  Do you understand how hurtful it is to me when you question me as to whether she was fed or not?  Of COURSE she was fed..  Now, maybe it wasn't all the donuts and cookies she wanted... but she was fed nutritious meals and snacks.. just because she is hungry an hour before dinner doesn't mean she was unfed all day despite what a 4yo will try to tell you.

And.. If I have given a consequence like "grounding" I will tell you what it is for and why.  You will not undercut me and ease up or ignore and allow her to do things.  If you feel that a particular consequence doesn't match the action.. then we can discuss it to decide how it will be treated the NEXT time.  But every time you let her run off to play when I have told her she couldn't.. you make it infinitely more difficult for me to have her respect.

Now, here is the bottom line, if you want me to have the responsibility to watch your child, then you need to trust that I am capable of watching her, feeding her and reprimanding her when appropriate with no second guessing.  If you don't believe I am capable of caring for her.. then we need to have another arrangement.. both the kids can go to daycare and I will go back to work.

What's amazing is that if we entertained the idea that you did "starve" her.....why the hell does he still want you to watch her??? Not sure if you have a child with him or not but watching his lying manipulative 4 year old daughter is not an option. It's also interesting to see how at that age she knows to lie and when she does she gets her way.

Where do you think that leaves you in the future when she gets older? That you are physically abusing her and you get arrested and kids taken away? Its not worth the risk and your trifling BF isn't either.

It only happens as long as you let it. My SD9 (at the time) started lying to her mom about my telling her about sex. BM stopped being a piece of shit long enough to confront my SO to get the real story since what the kid was saying didn't jive with what she knew about me. It got cleared up, but I never forgave the kid and it was a huge factor in my decision to disengage. Five years later, she's only gotten worse. This kind of thing doesn't get better, especially when they see the damage they can cause while getting what they want. 

She can pit her bio parents against each other all she wants (which is a lot), but will never have the opportunity to take her crap out on me again. I get that skids have a lot of raw, unsophisticated anger, but SO pretended nothing was wrong for too long and now it's out of control.  He thought I had a problem with her when it was always with him and his unwillingness to step the fuck up. 

A soft-skulled rage machine's inability to remember wtf she ate is a hell of a thing to have to choose sides over. I'm sorry you're going throguh it. 

That he could have thought that all you gave the kid all day was a muffin and he didnt pick up his kid and leave.